


That Missing Piece

by IsabellaJack



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Actor Bucky, Alternate Universe, Angst, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Fluff, M/M, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Romance, Slow Build, Teacher Steve Rogers, Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-21
Updated: 2017-07-19
Packaged: 2018-03-18 22:53:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 69,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3587040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IsabellaJack/pseuds/IsabellaJack
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky is a famous Hollywood actor whose career fizzled in the last six years. He'd been depressed not only because of that, but also because of the car accident that had cost him his left arm. He wanted to escape LA and his life. So, his agent/publicist Clint found him a quiet neighborhood in Cleveland. He didn't know that his life would change drastically, at the hands of his neighbors, especially one named Steve Rogers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay. Here it goes. This is my first fanfiction in this universe. Please forgive me for any mistakes. Some questions will be answered in the upcoming chapters. And please let me know what you think by leaving a comment or giving kudos ;)
> 
> I'd really appreciate it.

 

 

“I even made sure that you have the best neighbors. You know, actual decent human beings.”

Bucky snickered as he listened to his agent Clint over the phone. “Thanks but that’s not my goal and it shouldn’t have been yours.”

“Yeah. So you have on your floor two neighbors. One is—“

Bucky huffed. “Listen. I’m not looking for making new friends and I really don’t need that right now. I just wanna enjoy some sort of solitude. I thought you knew why I’m doing all of this.”

“For God’s sake Bucky,” Clint started and Bucky could hear that he was crossing the street as car horns were loud enough to be heard. LA never understood the concept of pedestrians. “You’re only escaping the LA scene, not social life. It’ll be good for you.”

Bucky rubbed his forehead. “Yeah. Well, I want to be incognito. I don’t wanna risk someone knowing me. That’s why I told you I want a secluded place.“

“It’s Cleveland, Ohio, Bucky! Plus, with that hobo look you’re rocking at the moment, no one will ever guess you’re James Barnes. Trust me.”

Bucky smiled sadly, and let out a long sigh. “I need to be off the grid Clint. I’m serious about this.”

Clint’s tone of voice changed from light to serious. “Listen Bucky, as much as you need to get away now from people, you really can’t be alone forever. You have to interact with real people. Trust me. There are people beyond the Hollywood trashy fake bunch. I have your best interest at heart. And that’s why you should live in that building.”

Bucky thought of his upcoming transition in life and closed his eyes. “I appreciate it but I’m not with you on that. I need some alone time. Some _me_ time.” Then he was silent for a moment. And Clint was kind of there, as he heard him order a tall latte from the Starbucks lady. He could hear the clanking and working of the barista.

“Hey Clint?”

“Yeah?”

“How’s the arm going? When's Stark gonna finish it?”

“I called him last night. He said it would be ready in two weeks.”

“What? Why?” he asked, desperation in his voice.

He’d been waiting for the--magical invention, Stark called it--so he could get on with his life. Ever since that horrible car accident last year, he wasn’t able to get the right prosthetic arm. So, Clint had a billionaire friend who was also an engineer. It was Clint’s idea when Bucky was in a depressing state, mainly because of the injury in addition to his fizzling career.

“It’s still not fully ready.”

“Meaning?”

“He could attach it to your arm, but the movement and sensory will still be worked on. He’s having a bit of trouble working on the dynamics and other shit I can’t pronounce.”

Bucky let out the second sigh that day. Clint changed the subject. “Listen, your apartment is ready. And I’ll stop by tomorrow to take you to the airport. Don’t worry. Everything is under control.”

Bucky prayed to God that he would finally find peace in this new arrangement.

 

~~~

 

James Barnes finally found himself in a peaceful place.

Literally.

He looked up at his new building and decided to give Clint a raise. He got out of the cab and paid the driver. Luckily, he didn’t recognize him. He was beginning to think that Clint wasright. No one here cared, and his long hair and dark stubble sure did the job.

Yet, still. There was the social media. He decided to quit all of them, but Clint assured him that he would take over. People had to still believe he was still in LA. Bucky refused at the beginning but Clint convinced him of his plan. So, Bucky got a new phone number, gave his old phone to Clint. All the contacts he had now were his family members, and Clint.

He slung his duffel bag and took his time ascending the steps outside. The sound of birds chirping and kids playing somewhere in the distance calmed him a bit. He thought that he might finally get the life he had wanted all along. A peaceful life where he didn’t have to answer to producers, directors or media outlets.

He used the keys Clint gave him and opened the door to the building. It was very quiet and he breathed the cool air inside. There was a smell of fresh paint and wood. He adjusted the bag on his good shoulder and looked up. There were three floors. He was on the third one. There was an elevator but he wanted to take his time and enjoy the quiet solitude. He took the stairs one step at a time. It wasn’t until he was on the second floor when he saw an old lady leave her apartment that his heart almost stopped. He didn’t prepare himself for when people would recognize him or meet him up-close. So, he decided to be calm and continue walking. He fixed his cap on his head, and cast his eyes down. She caught him looking and smiled.

“Good morning,” she said as she passed him on the stairs.

He nodded. “Morning.”

When she was out of sight, he let out the breath he was holding, and continued to go up. Then he laughed at himself. He shouldn’t really worry. The last movie he made was six years ago. At this day and age, you have to be relevant everyday in order to have a stable acting career. He kept telling himself that so he wouldn’t panic the next time he crossed paths with people.

His floor was quiet and he looked at his apartment. It was number six. Number seven was opposite him while five was in the middle. It seemed like people were at work since he could hear nothing.

Bucky opened the door and got in. As soon as he closed the door, he dropped his duffel bag at the entrance and walked around. It was like he didn’t leave his place over there.

_Damn you, Clint._

It was equipped with everything. Even the treadmill was there. Thankfully, it was a semi-normal apartment. It was spacious and had a view of the park. The fridge was full of everything, and he smiled in spite of himself. That would mean it would be a week till he left to get groceries. It was a space beautifully designed but Clint stepped up by providing every essential thing for him to lead a temporary life here.

There were even extra bed sheets and towels.

“There goes my chance of living a normal life. Thanks Clint,” he said to no one.

He went back to the door and got his bag. It was time he adjusted himself to living alone.

He opened the windows and left the satin white curtains flow with the breeze. Then he sat back on his sofa and breathed everything in. The sound of birds was back.

For the first time since the accident, he was able to smile heartily. He might make this a permanent residence.

 

~~~

 

 

Bucky spent the first three days on the couch. He brought several books with him and spent his time reading and reading. It had been so long since he enjoyed doing anything instead of answering to his agent/publicist’s phone calls.

Then he developed a routine. He would wake up at dawn, put on his running shoes and jog around the neighborhood. He would always sport the same look. He would let his hair down, cap on, and keep the stubble darkening his cheeks. He would also wear long sleeved t-shirt even though the weather was humid sometimes. He was still waiting for the prosthetic arm. People didn’t pay attention and never looked at him twice because of that, even when he clipped his long left sleeve to his shoulder. He still felt self-conscious of his missing limb. He couldn't help it. It had been only a year and he still can't fully adjust.

He went to several therapists. He was still getting there. But at the end, he figured that all he wanted was a peace of mind. And that was why he was here.

A week into his new apartment and he figured that he needed to buy fresh groceries. He actually told Clint that he didn’t need a car, but his agent/publicist insisted. Bucky cursed when he found out that he had got him a BM. He refused to use it. He would go anywhere he wanted on foot.

He loved the anonymity here. He was free.

At the grocery store, he got fresh vegetable and fruit, milk and bread. He felt good about buying his own stuff. He paid in cash and left, walking back to his neighborhood.

Clint had sent him an e-mail that morning that the metal arm would be ready by the end of the week. Bucky wished he had it already for the bag was starting to weigh on him, using one arm all the way to his neighborhood.

It was around eight in the evening when he finally got to his building. Thankfully, the same old lady was out the building and she held the door for him.

“Thanks ma’am,” he smiled at her, grateful.

“You sure are welcome dear.”

He got to his floor using the elevator. The weight of the bag was tiring him. He reminded himself to speak to Clint to tell Tony to hurry up with that invention of his. The doors opened to his floor and he held his breath. The coast was clear.

He breathed a sigh of relief.

Bucky still didn’t run into any of his neighbors and he was immensely glad. Clint scolded him, urging him to mingle but that wasn’t why he was here. He wanted to escape people, to escape socializing. He wasn’t in the head-space for that. Right now, all he cared about was not caring about anybody or anything.

Luckily he had already the keys in the same hand holding the bag. He was about to insert the keys when suddenly a voice rang joyfully, “Finally, our new neighbor!”

“ _Jesus!_ ”

And he dropped the bag, causing the fruit to scatter all over the floor. Thankfully, the milk didn’t spill. He didn’t have the time to turn around to see who it was for he was trying to grab that one apple from rolling down the stairs. He didn’t get to it for another hand snatched it. He looked up and almost chocked.

A man, probably his age, loomed over him. He had sandy blond hair, blue eyes and great –more like gorgeous—body build. Bucky thought he might have been sculpted in his dark blue Henley, and fit jeans.

It turned out that he was the guy who scared him. Bucky was still crouching by his stuff, and he saw the guy kneel in front of him and gather the rest.

Bucky kept staring while the mystery guy kept talking. “So sorry I scared ya. Here.” And he got all the apples and put them in the bag. When he made eye contact with Bucky, the guy stilled for few seconds. Bucky felt they were like years as he stared into the most bluish eyes he’d ever seen.

_How is he real?_   He thought

Then the guy smiled brightly and extended his hand. “I’m Steve Rogers.”

Bucky broke eye contact and hesitated but shook his hand. “Bucky.”

“Bucky,” Steve repeated and smiled again. “You go by your nickname?”

Bucky gave him credit for guessing that it was a nickname. He started gathering his stuff and answered avoiding his eyes. “Yeah.”

He started to panic. What if he recognized him? He was going to tweet about him and the press would have a field day. Why else did he still for those few seconds?

“Cool.” Then Steve started helping him but Bucky tried to stop him.

“It’s okay. I got this.”

Steve kept gathering the other stuff. “Come on. It’s alright.”

“I said I’ve got this.” Bucky almost snapped and that got Steve to stop. He looked at Bucky and then got up. Bucky immediately felt like crap and then put the rest inside his bag.

Steve busied his hands with his keys. “I’m sorry. I just thought I’d help out.”

Bucky stood up with the bag, but he decided that second that he would stop everything. Stop building any kind of rapport or any form of relationship with that guy. So, he decided to take an approach he became good at ever since the accident.

“What? ‘Cause I got one arm?” he asked, tone harsh.

The horrified look on Steve’s face almost broke his heart but he had to do it. He had to push away every goddamned person trying to get close to him, even if it came down to a friendly neighbor.

Steve raised his hands up, waving them. “No, no. I didn’t even-that’s not—“

Bucky actually noticed how Steve’s eyes went to look at his left arm. He realized that Steve might’ve not noticed it when he came to help him. So, Bucky turned his back to him and opened his door. When he got in, he saw the look on his face. Steve still looked embarrassed and bewildered.

Then Bucky spoke, “Whatever man.”

Then he closed the door on him, not bothering to listen to what he had to say. He quickly rested his back on the door and slid down, the bag in his arm. He closed his eyes, and tried to calm his beating heart. He also tried to forget the hurt look on his neighbor’s face. He was just trying to be nice and didn’t deserve this from Bucky. He knew that. But he had to. He didn’t want to invest in anything at this moment. Not even if it was friendship.

He got his phone out and sent Clint a text:

_Fuck you, you piece of shit!_


	2. Chapter 2

 

 

Bucky didn’t get a reply via text. His phone actually rang with Clint’s name blinking on screen. He was still on the floor but when he answered the call, he got up, leaving the bag there.

“Alright, what did I do now?” Clint asked.

Bucky spoke through gritted teeth. “You know exactly what you did!”

“Bucky, I know I’m so good at my job, but reading your mind is not one of my god-given skills.”

Bucky paced around, almost yelling into his phone. “You knew, you fucking shit! You knew! That’s why you insisted on this building, didn’t you?”

“Knew what? And stop shouting.”

“Don’t act like you don’t know,” Bucky started, then took a deep breath. “I should’ve guessed you’d pull one of your matchmaking bullshit of shenanigans.”

“Oh.”

Bucky raised his brow. “Oh? Clint. Why would you do that? He’s exactly my type. My dream type for that matter—“

“In my defense, I didn’t know what he looked like. Still don’t. But I got intel on him—“

Bucky grimaced. “Intel? Listen to yourself man.”

“He’s a good guy. He’s an art teacher who—“

“Stop. Stop right there. I don’t wanna know anything about him, especially through you.”

“I just wanted to tell you—“

“No! Bottom line is I’m not looking for a distraction. Not now. And the presence of that specimen across the hall is distraction enough.”

“Alright, alright. Sheesh!”

Bucky’s breath finally went back to normal and stayed silent for few seconds when Clint spoke again. “Then again you can be fuck buddies.”

“That’s it. You’re fired.”

Clint had the nerve to chuckle and Bucky wanted to reach out through the phone and strangle him. “I’m not and I’ll see ya at the end of the week in New York.”

“I fuckin’ hate you right now.”

“Love you too.”

 

~~~

 

He couldn’t sleep that night. He tossed and turned and thought of what he’d do the rest of his stay here.

“I can avoid him,” he told himself.

Then he snickered. Who was he fooling? He knew himself well. He’d now be extra anxious and borderline paranoid, even if he knew that a small part of him wouldn’t mind laying eyes on his neighbor.

His handsome neighbor. His dreamy eyes, charming smile--

“Stop!” He covered his eyes.

He took solace in the fact that Steve now probably hated him and would avoid him too since he was a jerk to him.

Problem solved.

 

Bucky overslept and never got to his morning routine. He decided to use the treadmill that day, and spend the rest of the day indoors. It wasn’t until the evening that there was a knock on his door. Bucky was in the middle of reading “War & Peace” when he heard it.

He put his bookmark between the pages and sat up on the sofa. He waited and then the knocking came back. He contemplated ignoring it but it persisted. He didn’t feel like seeing anyone, yet, he headed to his door. He stopped when his hand was on the handle. He heard a voice. It was a woman’s voice. A silky and raspy voice. Such an exotic combination.

“Wow Steve. I can’t believe that someone actually dislikes you. I guess there’s a first time for everything.”

“I don’t really care whether he dislikes me or not. I just wanna do what’s right and apologize to the guy.”

Bucky’s heart jumped at the voice of Steve. There was sincerity there and determination. Bucky leaned and strained his ear in order to catch more of their conversation.

Another knock to the door and Bucky almost fell to the floor. It jolted him but luckily he braced himself on the side of the door.

Steve spoke again, softly. “Wait. Why would you think he dislikes me?”

“Clearly he’s inside but doesn’t want to open up for you.”

“Oh.” Came from Steve. Soft and hurt.

Bucky froze and his heart tugged at him for making Steve feel like that.

The lady spoke again. “Or he could be out. Try tomorrow.”

“Yeah, he could be out.” Steve’s voice held some doubt.

The lady sighed. “Come on Steve. Let’s go. If anyone should be apologizing, it should be him. He’s a jackass.”

There was a small laugh from Steve. “Everyone is a jackass to you Nat.”

“You should start seeing the world through my eyes.”

“If I did that…”

Bucky couldn’t hear the rest because they had apparently left. He didn’t try to look through the peephole. He rested his back to the door. It was starting to become a habit.

 

~~~

 

Bucky jogged the next morning. The coast was clear. He no longer heard or saw Steve or his lady friend Nat. His heart was beating, adrenaline was rushing through him yet his thoughts were on last night’s semi-encounter behind his door. So, Steve might be involved and didn’t even swing his way.

The thought was a relief, but Bucky found himself running and running until he ran out of breath and his cap flew in the wind.

That evening he was going through some texts sent by Clint. He was instructing him on where the Stark Tower was, once he got to New York in two days. A light knock on the door stopped his concentration.

He looked up at the time and it was the same time as yesterday. It must be Steve.

Bucky found himself walking with purpose to the door. He made the decision to give him what he wanted and accept his apology so he can get on with his life.

All his resolve went out the window as soon as he opened the door. Steve was standing there in a black Henley, brown leather jacket and jeans. He was holding a small basket. Bucky looked closely and it was a batch of muffins. Then he looked up to find Steve smiling sweetly.

“Hi.” He looked like an eager kid.

Bucky gulped. “Hi.”

Steve stood tall and then said, “I thought I’d come by and apologize for what happened earlier.”

When Bucky kept silent, he handed over the muffins to Bucky. “Here. It’s a peace offering.”

Steve gave him a gentle smile and Bucky’s knees went weak. He had to commend himself for having the strength to take the basket from him.

He cleared his throat, eyes down. “You didn’t have to.”

Steve shook his head. “Oh, it’s no trouble. They're banana muffins.” Then he looked around and whispered, “Believe it or not, I didn’t make them. I actually had to go to great lengths to get my lady friend to bake them. She’s a brilliant baker.”

Bucky smiled at him and that earned him another genuine smile from Steve. He found himself blurting, “Well, I should be the one apologizing. I’m sorry I snapped at you. It was uncalled for. I was just…stressed.”

Steve shook his head. “No worries. Plus, these muffins will make you forget all your troubles.”

Bucky smelled the batch and closed his eyes in pleasure. “So good!”

“Wait till you taste them.”

“Thanks man,” he said then hesitated before adding, “thank your girlfriend for me.”

There was confusion then recognition on Steve’s face. “Oh, no. Nat?” he let out an amused huff. “Nat and I are good friends.”

Then Bucky watched him rub the back of his neck. “We’re not involved.”

Bucky found himself relieved. That still didn’t mean anything. Plus, he shouldn’t—

“Well, she’s a keeper.”

“That she is.”

The tension was back again but Steve quickly quirked up. He rubbed his hands together. “Well, welcome to the neighborhood, our building. If you need anything, and I do mean that, I live across from you. Apartment 7. All you gotta do is knock.”

Bucky nodded and raised the batch. “Thanks again.”

“You’re welcome. Have a great night.”

“You too.” Bucky watched him head to his apartment, relishing in the fact that Steve couldn't tell he was watching him. Bucky let his eyes roam him, and when Steve turned, he quickly cast his eyes down and closed his door.

 

~~~

 

“Well, well, well. If it isn’t my one-armed guy,” Stark’s voice rang in the hall near the lab.

Bucky stood up, with Clint next to him. This was his first time meeting Tony Stark and it was apparent that the guy liked showing-off. Bucky felt that his middle-name should be flamboyant. He gave that vibe.

He shook Bucky’s hand and when he didn’t return Tony’s toothy grin, the billionaire looked at Clint. “Too soon?”

“Mr. Stark,” Bucky started and Tony turned to him. “I just want to thank you for doing this, especially confidentially. Whatever are the costs, I’ll cover them.”

Tony gave a wave of his hand in dismissal. “Oh, please. I’m actually enjoying this ‘cause I get to engineer something I’ve been dying to make for a long time. You’re just my excuse buddy.”

He motioned to them to follow him and then turned abruptly, making Bucky bump into Clint. “Oh and it’s free of charge.”

“What?” Bucky asked. “I don’t get it. No, I insist.”

“You think I need the money?” Tony winked at him. “My hands are eager to create my friend. Plus,” Tony clapped Clint on his back. “I’d do anything for my buddy. How are ya Hawk?”

“Hawk?” Bucky asked, looking at Clint.

Clint just huffed and walked ahead with Tony. “Don’t worry about him Bucky. He likes to talk if you haven't noticed already. Let’s do this.”

Bucky stayed behind for few seconds then decided to not dwell much on Tony Stark.

As soon as he got into the lab, he saw another man and his heart fell. How many people knew about him now? He turned to Clint and he read his mind. “Don’t worry. That’s Dr. Banner. He’s good.”

“Easy for you to say.”

Tony went and hugged Banner. The other guy didn’t hug back for his face looked surprised. “Why are you hugging me? I just saw you five minutes ago.”

“Appearances, appearances,” he whispered. Bucky heard him and rolled his eyes. Then Tony turned to them. “My dear Dr. Banner. My brother in science here is gonna help me attach the arm to you. Just in case something goes wrong.”

Bucky’s face fell and it must’ve showed fear for Tony snickered. “Kidding.”

Bucky sighed. “Are you always like this?”

“Like what?”

“Sarcastic.”

Clint’s arm touched his shoulder and turned Bucky to look at him. “Everything may be a joke to him, I agree with you, but he’s a damn good engineer. Trust me on this.”

“Aren’t you tired of being one-armed?” Tony asked.

“Tony!” Banner interjected.

Bucky decided to dislike Tony. He wasn’t his favorite person at that moment, but he had to pretend for the sake of getting this procedure done. So, he gave him a tight smile and walked past Tony to sit on the chair waiting for him. He took off his shirt and looked at all three.

“Let’s do this.”

 

~~~

 

Bucky rested his back in the cab, with Clint chatting next to him. He couldn’t help the smile that crossed his face as he looked at the lights in the streets of Cleveland. He felt content as he flexed his new arm. It was a strange feeling being able to move as if it were a real arm, real fingers, real flexes. It was real and he had to look.

“Crazy, huh?” Clint asked him softly.

Bucky didn’t look up, and kept his eyes examining his new hand. “I guess…I didn’t expect it to be this…”

“Perfect?”

“Real.”

The cab stopped at his building and Clint insisted on paying for the cab. He was already going to spend the night at Bucky's before heading back to LA. He had told Bucky that he had wanted to see his place. Bucky snorted at him, not believing him because he knew that he had seen it beforehand. Clint insisted that seeing it on the Internet and through Skype with his men was totally different.

Nonetheless, Bucky was glad he was having some company. It was good to have someone he knew with him in this town. He kind of missed Clint but he didn’t tell him that or else he wouldn’t hear the end of it.

“So this is it, huh?” Clint commented as soon as Bucky unlocked the door to the building and Clint got in behind him.

It was late, near midnight and very quiet. “Keep your voice down Clint. People here actually sleep at sunset.”

“Are you kidding me?”

“Shh!”

Clint mimed with his hand that he was zipping his mouth shut. They took the stairs, and Bucky smiled as he let his metal hand hold the banister as he ascended the stairs. He took off the gloves and enjoyed the feeling. He had to commend Stark’s work. He felt everything. The sensors were excellent.

Clint insisted on carrying his duffel bag, claiming not to tire his shoulders after the procedure. Bucky let him. When they reached his door, he was laughing at Clint making faces at his phone. He was trying to get a signal.

“Is it bad in here?”

Bucky smiled. “Would you leave your phone for few minutes? Your face has been buried in it ever since we left New York.”

“I have to be up to date on social media. You know that. That’s what you’re paying me to do, remember?”

Bucky fished his keys from his pockets and was going to open his door, when Steve’s door opened. The two turned around, and Bucky didn’t see Steve. Instead it was a red-haired woman.

She got out and closed the door behind her. She was wearing a strapless black dress, her black sandals were in her hands.

The two of them froze when she looked up. She, on the other hand, smirked when her eyes caught sight of them.

Bucky was amazed at her elegance, even though she was barefoot and clearly tired. But he couldn’t stop asking himself from wondering why she didn't become a model. She had that old-classic Hollywood look about her. _Wait_ , he thought. _Why is she sneaking out of Steve's apartment?_

His heart fell.

“Well,” she started. And Bucky knew that she was the same girl with Steve that night behind his door. It was that raspy voice.

“You must be Bucky,” she said as she looked directly at him.

He only nodded. Then remembered his manners. “Hi. Nice to meet you.”

She folded her arms on her chest, her sandals dangling dangerously. “So you’re the one who I slaved away baking muffins for?”

Bucky didn’t know what to say and was met by Clint’s confused facial expression. Bucky just shrugged then cleared his throat. “That was you? Well, uh, thank you. They were delicious.”

Then he was so nervous, he gave her a thumbs up. _Did I just do that?_ He thought.

She raised one brow, amused. Then she took few steps toward the elevator, her eyes not leaving Bucky and he for some reason felt scared.

“I see it now," she said.

“Pardon?”

It was then that Clint stepped between them and extended his hand to her. Bucky saw how she looked at Clint, amused at his action.

“Clint Barton, at your service.”

She looked at him, her eyes roaming him up and down. Then she stepped closer to him. He gave up on the handshake.

“Don’t say things you can’t live up to.”

“I guarantee you that I’m a man of my word.”

She tilted her head to the side and examined him. Bucky watched the exchange in bewilderment. Everything was tense and he gulped.

“How can you be at my service when you really don’t live here?”

“Who says—“

“The suit indicates that your job is demanding. Your hand playing with your phone all this time shows that you’re a workaholic and your skin,” she paused and stepped a bit toward Clint. Bucky had to give it to Clint for not stepping back.

“Your skin tells me you're not from around here…probably California?”

Bucky tried not to applaud her at her meticulous observation. He looked at his friend and he was still standing, frozen.

Then Bucky looked at the red-head as she let out a soft chuckle. Her eyes twinkled. She reached for the elevator button and pressed it.

“Good night boys.” She practically purred.

Then she sauntered into the elevator, closing silently behind her.

Bucky stood there, still not comprehending what he just witnessed.

Then Clint spoke with a hoarse voice. “I think I just came.”

“Gross!” Bucky covered his face with his hands. He shook his head again when Clint repeated, “I just came. Like in my pants.”

“Shut the fuck up and get inside,” Bucky hissed.

Clint still kept looking from Bucky to the elevator, probably hoping that she would appear again.

“Come on.” Bucky ushered him in.

Clint was still standing when Bucky returned to him with extra bed sheets and a pillow. He put them on the big sofa and then looked at his dazzled friend.

“Listen Bucky. I need her number.”

Bucky raised his hands, then looked at his new one. He was still getting used to raising two hands. Then he snapped out of it. “No, Clint. Don’t get me involved in this.”

“What was all that about? Muffins?”

“She’s Steve’s friend or...girlfriend. I don't know what they are. He says she's a friend...Anyway, he gave me some muffins to—listen it’s a long story—but I don’t think—“

“You get me her number jackass or I’ll just go straight up to Steve and tell him about your crush.”

Bucky fumed and almost strode to strangle him. He could do it. He had two hands now. One of them is strong. “First of all, I don’t have a crush on him.”

Clint snorted. And Bucky raised his hand in warning. “Second, I was gonna say that she might be involved you know. That kinda of woman can’t be available.”

“Do it or I tell Steve.”

Bucky was taking deep breaths. “Fine! I’ll ask for her number but don’t get your hopes up. She wasn’t crazy about you.”

“You let me deal with that.” He winked at Bucky and the latter just made a disgusted face. He grabbed the pillow and threw it at Clint.

 

~~~

 

“WAKE UP SLEEPY HEAD!”

Bucky sprang up and looked around, frantic. The clock on his nightstand read 5:00 a.m. Because of the long flight, he had decided the night before that he wasn't going to jog that morning.

“Hey!”

The annoying voice was Clint’s and he saw him standing outside his bedroom door. He shook his head. “What the hell Clint?”

“Come on. I’m leaving. Is this how you treat your guests? See me to the door.”

He dropped back to bed, huffing for the hundredth time ever since he saw Clint.

“Bucky!”

“OKAY.” He kicked his sheets and didn’t bother with wearing a shirt. He walked barefoot to the living room, rubbing his eyes. He was rubbing his skull with his new hand, when his hair caught in the metal plates of his fingers.

“Ow!”

Clint laughed at him, and Bucky glared at him. “I can’t wait for you to leave Clint.”

“Same here.”

Bucky noticed that his friend had already brewed himself a cup of coffee, folded the sheets and cleaned everything after him.

“So listen,” Clint said as he gathered his keys, his cell phone, and ipad. He sipped the last drop of coffee and put his cup in the sink. He opened the door, Bucky following him, squinting when the light of the hallway hit his eyes. “Get me that redhead’s number, take care of your new arm, and…relax.”

Bucky smiled in spite of himself. Clint frustrates him with his shenanigans but at the end of the day, he was a really good friend. He was his friend before he became his employee.

“Okay. I’ll try to relax after you woke me up scaring the shit out of me. That’s not how you wake people up by the way.”

“You’re a big guy with a metal arm. You’re gonna be fine.”

They were in the hall and Clint said, “Come here. Give me a hug, big guy.”

Bucky hugged him, tightly. It was nice having him, and it made him a bit sad that he was leaving.

“You can finally hug me with two arms. How does it feel?”

“Weird,” Bucky said, then broke away, still holding him at arm’s length. “But good.”

At that moment, Steve came out of his apartment, tangled in two bags, one visual aid board, and a box. He stopped abruptly when he saw them. Bucky quickly dropped his arms and didn’t know why. He hoped that he wasn’t flushing. He remembered that he was shirtless, his sweatpants hanging low and his arm was visible. Then he noticed that when Clint looked at Steve, his neighbor’s eyes quickly shied away.

Clint looked back at Bucky with a smirk and then mouthed. “Ask for me.”

Then he answered his phone which rang suddenly, turning into business mode as he ran down the stairs.

Steve pressed the button for the elevator. He smiled at Bucky. “Good morning.”

He was wearing eye-glasses and Bucky never saw him wearing them during their previous encounters. Bucky’s heart beat wildly and he cursed himself for that.

Clearing his throat, he said, “Morning.”

Steve’s foot pushed the box near the elevator doors and pointed at Bucky’s arm from afar. “Congratulations.”

“Oh, yeah. Thanks. Just got it.”

He noticed that Steve squinted his eyes. “That’s some state-of-the-art stuff you got there.”

Bucky tried not to show off, but swung his new arm and flexed his hand. He was happy about it. “Yeah. Thanks to a friend of a friend.”

Steve nodded, his hands in his pockets. “It’s good to have friends.”

Bucky felt like it was an indirect message. Was Steve suggesting that he gets out of his hermit-state? Was he trying to be friends with him? They could be friends, maybe at another time in his life. Not with this new Bucky.

So he just agreed with him. “Yeah.”

The elevator dinged and Steve sprang into energy. “Well, I gotta set up my classroom. I have to get there early. I’ll see ya around.”

Bucky wanted to offer help, but couldn’t. His mouth couldn’t get the words out. So, all he said was, “See ya.”

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the delay. Real life decided to throw me some curveballs. Enjoy chapter 3. It's a bit long, and I should warn you of a lot of Hurt/Comfort.
> 
> (You can find me on Tumblr: http://isabellajack.tumblr.com/)

 

 

The park was quite serene. Bucky felt totally calm sitting on one of the rusty wooden benches. After reading the book he grabbed on his way out, he took a sip of the latte he got from a local coffee shop. Then he put it on the ground, next to his sneakers.

He rested his back and tilted his head up toward the sky, gazing at its clarity. Somehow the sky here was different than LA. It was more…blue. A lazy smile decorated his face and he closed his eyes.

It was only for ten minutes until his phone buzzed. He got it out and found that he had a new message.

_**Got her number yet?** _

He groaned and turned it off. Clint’s relentlessness scared him sometimes. He was just here earlier in the morning. Apparently, he never forgot about Nat. That reminded him of his blackmail.

Then he didn’t know if Clint was a psychic or if the universe was playing a joke on him but his eyes fell on Steve standing on his far right. _What was he doing here?_

There were Kids sitting on the grass, surrounding his neighbor, and clutching big sketchbooks. He remembered Clint telling him that Steve was an art teacher. Bucky looked at his watch. It was past school time. When he looked up, Steve’s eyes had found him. The blond smiled and waved. Bucky smiled and waved back.

He spent the following five minutes just watching Steve. He used the long distance and the fact that Steve was giving his undivided attention to his students to stare at him. _They must be students, right?_

If it weren’t for Clint’s blackmail, he would’ve just been happy to sit where he was and gaze at the handsome neighbor, and lose himself daydreaming about a life where he was—

Bucky snapped out of his thoughts and got up. He took one last sip of his latte before disposing it in the trash bin. He walked casually their way. As he neared, Steve caught sight of Bucky and smiled that sweet smile of his.

Bucky felt his heart skip a beat.

“All right, you can begin now,” Steve instructed the kids and then jogged Bucky’s way.

“Hey,” Steve greeted in a welcoming manner.

Bucky nodded his way. “Hey man.”

“Didn’t take you for a guy who enjoys parks.”

Bucky knew that he gave the impression of being closed off, a recluse. But Steve’s comment wasn’t hurtful. It was in jest. Instead, Bucky found himself rubbing the back of his neck, trying not to get flustered. “I like the sky here.”

Steve put his hands on his hips and looked up the sky. “Yeah, it’s beautiful today.”

Bucky thought that the sky wasn’t the beautiful thing at that moment. He observed Steve closely and found himself sighing softly. Steve was wearing a white dress shirt, sleeves rolled back, and khakis. He quickly looked away when Steve looked back at him. Bucky cursed Clint inwardly and decided to converse casually before broaching the subject intended.

“So, what are you doing out here? An outdoor class? Isn’t it past school time?”

Steve gave him an amused look. “When did I mention that I was a teacher?”

Bucky was thankful that he was an actor. A pretty good one. So, he composed himself.

“Oh I just put two and two together when I saw you this morning. The visual aid board…”

“Oh, yeah.” Steve blushed. “I remember saying something about preparing my class. Anyway, this is actually an after school art program. I’m starting with capturing nature. It’s so easy to draw trees and landscapes for beginners.”

Bucky huffed. “Easy for you to say. I couldn’t draw if my life depended on it.”

Steve leaned a bit his way. “I’m sure you’re good at something.”

Bucky hoped that his face wasn’t reddening. There was something about the man in front of him that made him blush at the slightest comment, look, or smile.

 _He was probably asking about what I do. Get your mind outta the gutter_ , he thought. Then Bucky felt self-conscious and hated that he didn’t wear his cap today. The breeze ruffled his hair. He put a wild strand of hair behind his ear and lifted the book he was holding. “I’m good at reading.”

“Whatcha reading?” Steve asked and extended his hand. Bucky handed over the book and in the process Steve’s fingers brushed his. Bucky jolted and dropped the book.

“Uh. I’m sorry.”

Steve got down and got it. “Don’t be…oh! Hemingway.”

“It’s a collection of his greatest short stories.”

He watched Steve inspecting the content. Bucky added softly, “He’s my favorite.”

“He’s one of my favorites too.” Steve smiled as he opened several pages, lingering on some. Bucky took that chance and asked--after clearing his throat--and tried to appear nonchalant.

“Can I ask you something? If you don’t mind.”

Steve’s head snapped up and smiled widely. “Sure. Anything.”

Bucky looked at the ground because he couldn’t stand Steve’s eager face. “Um…I was wondering if um…your friend Nat is single or seeing anyone.”

When he looked up, he caught a look that passed Steve’s face. It was fleeting but Bucky quickly noticed. _Was that disappointment?_

Steve’s smile faded slowly, and his hands stilled on the book, no longer flipping the pages. Then it hit Bucky.

_Fuck._

He raised both hands in surrender. “Listen man, if you have a thing for her, then forget I asked. No worries. Not even gonna go there.”

Steve furrowed his brows for seconds then shook his head. “What? No. I told you. Nat and I are good friends. Plus, she’s totally not my type. So, it’s fine.”

Then he played with one page, eyes cast down again. Bucky was relieved because the last thing he wanted was to cause Steve any kind of pain. _Where did that come from?_

Steve looked up, his lips curled up in a lazy smirk. “Wow. Her banana muffins were that good, huh?”

It took Bucky seconds before it dawned on him. Shaking his head quickly, and almost chocking, he said, “Oh no, not at all.”

Steve gave him a quizzical look. “You didn’t like the muffins?”

“No, God. Wait, let’s back up here.” He sighed and explained, “I loved them, okay. They were delicious and thanks again for them. I’m asking about Nat for my friend.”

“Your friend?” He looked skeptical.

“Yeah. Clint.” Then he added without knowing why. “The one you saw this morning.”

He saw a look of recognition pass Steve’s face. But he didn’t say anything and Bucky felt compelled to explain. “See,” Bucky started, biting his lower lip. “He bumped into her last night and she caught his attention…badly.”

Steve laughed. “She tends to do that.”

“So?”

Steve folded his arms over his buff chest and Bucky tried his best not to glare at his guns flexing. Then he noticed that his book was tucked there. He gulped.

“She’s single but Nat is usually the one initiating. You know what I mean?”

Bucky pleaded, “You gotta help me out here ‘cause he’s blackmailing me for her number.”

Steve smirked. “Some friend.”

Bucky let out a humorless chuckle. “He’s that low unfortunately.”

The blond one sighed as he looked around. “Well, I could give you her number now, but she’ll have my head by the end of the day. So, I’ll ask her and plead for your case. How’s that?”

Bucky nodded, grateful. “Thank you.”

“Sure.”

“By the way, I had already told him that she’d reject him, which I hope will happen.“

Steve laughed heartily and Bucky felt proud to have caused that and continued, “But he refused that notion. Clint never likes to give up on all his pursuits, however impossible they may be.”

“I take it you’re not like that?” Steve asked, his eyes wondering and soft.

Bucky hesitated then said, “I’m a realist.”

Steve didn’t say anything back and it seemed like he decided to let the subject drop. Bucky spoke up after the quiet moment that fell between them. “Well, I gotta head back. So sorry for interrupting your class.”

Steve shook his head and gave him back his book. “Not a problem man. They’re taking the time to finish their assignment.” He turned to check on his students for seconds then looked back at Bucky. “I enjoyed our talk actually.”

Bucky’s heart warmed at that and couldn’t help but smile widely at him. Steve’s cheeks were tainted a hint of pink and he uttered, “I’ll get back to ya tonight.”

 

~~~

 

Bucky threw his keys on the kitchen counter and got himself a glass of cold water. The walk from the park was calming and it wasn’t far away from his place. Yet, somehow, he felt tired. Fatigued. He felt thirsty and gulped down two glasses of cold water.

He took off his worn-out shoes and went to his bed. He dropped there on face down, not bothering to change. Before taking his nap, he texted Clint

**_Done! I asked._ **

A reply immediately came.

**_And?_ **

Bucky sighed and typed: ** _Pending_**

Then he put it on silent mode and felt himself engulfed by sleep.

 

~~~

 

Bucky didn’t know how long he slept, but a loud knock on his door made him open his heavy eyes. He moaned and refused to even move. He felt his bones hurt, his body warm, and his muscles tired. So tired.

So he went to sleep, deciding to ignore whoever was at his door. They will come back eventually.

 

~~~

 

There was an excruciating pain. There was the sound of rain. There was the sound of wailing. A woman was screaming for help. Bucky tried to know his whereabouts but he was trapped. His left side was pinned down and he couldn’t turn or even move. He tried to breathe easy but couldn’t. There was smoke. Something warm was dripping on his eyelids. His right hand reached up to wipe and when he looked at his palm, he almost threw up.

Blood was dripping.

He let out a pained scream. “Help!”

His voice was hoarse. Cracked. And his right hand kept waving, trying to let anybody out there know that he was there. He was trapped.

Breathing started to become difficult. His chest felt tight, felt crushed. That woman’s wailing pierced through the night.

 

Bucky jolted from his sleep, tangled in his white bed sheets. His breath was shallow, his chest tight, and his limbs aching.

It was back.

His blood-shot eyes looked at the digital clock on the nightstand. It was 2:00 in the morning. How did he sleep till this hour?

He felt suffocated. He felt hot. So hot that he took off his t-shirt, his jeans and sat on his bed in his boxers. It didn’t work though. He was still hot.

Bucky got up as he realized that his place was pitch black. His heart beat wildly and he ran to turn on the lights. The nightmare shook him to the core. It had been six months since the last one. Bucky knew that he was having one of his anxiety attacks right in that moment.

He tried to even his breath and headed to the bathroom. Washing his face, he found his hands shaking uncontrollably. He gulped and dried his face with a towel, trying to steady his hands as he held it to his face.

No avail.

He thought of making himself a cup of green tea. It had helped him in the past. It usually calmed him. Another thing that had always helped was the presence of someone with him. Whenever he had these attacks, someone would usually be there. Mostly Clint.

Suddenly, he went to look frantically for his cell phone. He dialed his friend’s number and waited. Bucky started to feel it coming. The attack was starting to build up with full force. He was out of breath, waiting for Clint to pick up.

“Come on, pick up. Pick up.” He almost sobbed but caught himself. His hand went to cover his mouth. He needed someone to feel safe. His place felt strange all of a sudden. It was like his head wasn’t with him. His head was floating. He was trying to grasp onto anything, mentally. But he was floating and floating. He held his head, trying to keep his mind intact. The spasms started to go from his hands to his arms. They wouldn’t stop. He hugged himself but something was heavy in his chest. His breath was still shallow.

He dropped to the cold floor, closed his eyes, and held his knees to his chest. “It’s gonna be fine. I’m gonna be fine. I’m safe. I’m—I’m—“

Images of that night flashed again behind his eyelids, and he blinked them open. No. He couldn’t handle it. He needed a safety net.

He didn’t have time to think. He was drowning in the unknown. So, he sprang up and bolted out of the door. He found himself heading toward Steve’s apartment. He needed to see someone familiar. Anyone to remind him that he wasn’t crazy. That he wasn’t going to die.

He practically ran to Steve’s door and knocked forcefully. His knocks turned into bangs. He was breathing heavily and on the verge of crying. He didn’t stop knocking on the door even when he heard faint cursing inside and someone yelling, “ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT! WHAT THE HELL?”

The door flung open and Bucky took an unsteady step back.

“You’re not Steve,” Bucky gasped.

The tall guy in front of him stood there clearly pissed off. Then his face changed when he saw Bucky. In the back of his mind, Bucky guessed that the man was apprehensive of his state. The expression on the man’s face turned into caution, alarm and concern.

“No, I’m not,” he said slowly. He looked Bucky over and then added, “You okay man?”

Bucky tried not to choke on his tongue as he started feeling it get heavy in his mouth. He had to speak fast before the attack paralyzed him.

With so much effort, he managed to say, “Where’s Steve? I wanna see him. I have—I have to see him please.”

The tall guy almost said something but was interrupted by Steve’s voice inside. “Hey Sam. Who is it? Who would come at this hour? I swear to God—“

Then he appeared at the door and froze when he saw Bucky on the other side.

“Bucky?”

The troubled man let out a breath. It was a semi-relief when he saw his neighbor. The spasms were still there and his head was still floating somewhere. He blinked several times, trying not to lose it.

“Steve,” he uttered brokenly.

Steve fixed his eyeglasses. “My God Bucky. What’s wrong?”

“Uh…” Bucky paused and his eyes drifted to Steve’s tall friend. _What was his name?_ Bucky tried to think.

Sam looked between them. “I’m not leaving you Steve with him until you tell me that it’s okay.”

Bucky didn’t blame him. He must have looked suspicious. He was basically in his boxers, with a metal arm, wild hair and red eyes. He knew what state he was in but didn’t really care. He just kept his eyes fixed on Steve. The latter locked eyes with him and Bucky was immensely grateful.

“It’s okay Sam,” Steve started, his eyes not leaving Bucky. “I got it. Just go back to sleep. I’ll handle this.”

Sam gave a worried look at the both of them before getting back inside. Steve made sure Sam had gotten back inside and then looked at Bucky, taking one step toward him.

“Bucky, are you okay? What’s wrong?”

Bucky was just staring at him, trying to find safety there. When he didn’t say anything, Steve touched his arm. That jolted him back and he broke.

“I’m having an anxiety attack right this minute and I don’t know what to do…I don’t wanna go crazy, which I think I am right now. It used to stop, Steve, but now it’s still going on…” then he latched on Steve’s shirt collar to draw him closer, bunching his shirt in the process. “I don’t wanna die. You hear me? I tried everything. Nothing worked. Help me. Help me please.”

“Okay, okay,” Steve repeated softly and held Bucky by his shoulders trying to calm the man down. But he soon furrowed his brows. “Jesus, Bucky! You’re burning up.”

And he touched Bucky’s forehead. The touch was so comforting that Bucky closed his eyes and leaned into it.

“Let’s get you to the hospital. This fever needs—“

Bucky’s eyes shot open and grabbed Steve’s arm, clutching it like a lifeline. The act surprised Steve and he looked worried. “No. No hospitals, please. I beg you. I can’t go.”

“But you have a high fever Bucky.”

He stressed, “Steve, promise me you won’t take me there.” There was desperation in his voice. Even in his state, he couldn’t risk his anonymity. Not after all this time. They would ultimately find out he was James Barnes. _The_ James Barnes. He couldn’t handle it.

A tear finally fell down his cheek. He didn’t care that he was crying in front of his neighbor who he barely knew. He wasn’t himself and he knew it, but he didn’t know how to stop spiraling out of control. “Please Steve.”

Steve looked at him brokenly before nodding. “All right.”

“Promise?”

“I promise.”

Bucky’s labored breath started getting more audible and that garnered a concerned look from Steve. He held Bucky’s shaking hands in his and practically spelled out, “Do you wanna come inside with me or go back to your place?”

Bucky couldn’t comprehend until Steve squeezed his normal hand to bring him back to him.

“Bucky?”

“My place.”

“Okay, come on. Let’s get you settled.”

Steve closed his door and put his arm around Bucky. “My God, your skin is on fire. Did you take anything?”

Bucky shook his head and then a wave of disorientation swept over him, causing him to lose his footing. Steve was right there, holding him to his side.

“Shit!” Steve circled Bucky’s waist with his strong arm and guided him. “Easy, easy.”

Once they got inside, Bucky noticed in his hazy state that Steve was guiding him back to his bed. “You should rest. Do you have some sort of pain relievers?”

He didn’t provide an answer and instead scared Steve by jumping away from his side.

“No, please. I don’t—I don’t wa—wann”

He hated when that happened, and suddenly felt furious and betrayed by his own body. Tears welled up again and that was when Steve had that look. A look Bucky never thought he would direct at him.

A look of sympathy. Of pity.

“Bucky…”

“Not the bed,” he gulped. Then he turned to Steve, his lips quivering. “I can’t hear her. I can’t hear her wailing again. Her screams. The smoke. The rain. There were children Steve, there were children. I could’ve—every damn time I close my eyes…”

Steve was looking at him, bewildered. “What?” he whispered.

A sob escaped him and he covered his face with his metal hand. “Not the bed. I can’t.”

“Okay, okay. No problem. Here, how about the couch, yeah? Couch okay?”

Bucky only nodded and let Steve walk him back to the living room. His arm around him was reassuring but it wasn’t enough. It wasn’t enough!

He was still feeling the panic running through his body. Running through his veins.

“Bucky?”

He looked up to see Steve sitting next to him, turning toward him.

“Breathe, Bucky. You need to breathe easy.”

That was when he realized he wasn’t breathing. Not normally at least. It was like he was suffering of a shortage of breath. Then he felt his normal hand being grabbed and plastered on Steve’s broad chest, right in the middle. Bucky felt Steve’s beating heart.

“Here. Feel me breathing, okay?”

Bucky didn’t understand. So, Steve put his own hand on Bucky’s naked chest, right over his heart.

“Damn it, Bucky. You’re heart’s gonna burst out of your chest,” he said under his breath. “Okay. Breathe in, breathe out.”

“I—I--Can’t.”

“Yes, you can.”

Bucky’s tears fell down his face and shook his head. Steve sat closer, folding his right leg under him; holding Bucky’s hand firmly against his own chest, and pressing his own hand there firmly. With a soft, yet determined voice, Steve spoke, “You can. In and out. Go ahead. Just breathe. Breathe with me. Feel my lungs. Breathe as I breathe.”

Then Bucky inhaled sharply when Steve did and followed the rise and fall of Steve’s chest as he felt it through his hand.

“Good. Keep going.”

He inhaled and exhaled again. In and out. In and out. He didn’t know how long he was doing it, but he started feeling himself breathe normally. He no longer felt suffocated. He was no longer out of breath. His eyes were still on his hand on Steve’s chest, trying to memorize the process.

In and out. Rise and fall.

Steve’s other hand, the one not on Bucky’s chest, came up and cradled the side of his face. He tilted Bucky’s head so he could look straight at him.

Steve’s eyes were blue. So blue. And safe.

“Look at me. Hey.”

Bucky looked but couldn’t utter a word. He was still breathing. He was still processing.

Steve spoke again, “You’re safe, Bucky. You hear me? You’re safe. Nothing is gonna hurt you. You’re not going mad. You’re safe.”

Bucky couldn’t utter a word for his throat was dry. But nonetheless, he nodded and Steve gave him a strained smile. He moved his hand from his face and continued to breathe with Bucky. It was a serene moment; there was no sound but their breathing and the beating of their hearts.

Minutes later and Bucky felt everything in him unwind. He felt like he had landed back on earth. His muscles relaxed, his chest opened up and was filled with air, his tongue wasn’t heavy anymore, and the shaking stopped. His eyes had long been closed, lost in the rhythm of Steve’s breathing.

When he opened them, he found Steve’s eyes on him. His eyes were locked with his and then Bucky witnessed his lips lift up to form a tentative smile.

“Better?”

“Yeah,” Bucky’s voice croaked.

“Okay.” Steve moved Bucky’s hand from his chest and he moved his too.

“Now Bucky, I wanna ask you again. Did you take anything for the fever? We have to do something about it since you clearly don’t wanna go to the hospital.”

Something must have shown on Bucky’s face for Steve quickly reassured him. “Don’t worry. We’re not going. I promised you. I never go back on my promises.”

He smiled at him and Bucky couldn’t handle it, so he looked away. He was embarrassed. Everything that had happened moments ago played like a movie in his head and he cringed inwardly.

“Bucky?” Steve asked softly.

He shook his head.

“Okay. Do you have something here? Tylenol or Advil?”

Bucky doesn’t remember buying any. Clint must’ve provided everything because he remembered catching a glimpse of a bunch of things in the cupboards. “Um…I think I saw a bottle somewhere in the kitchen. I don’t know.”

Steve patted him on the knee and got up. Bucky watched him looking through the cupboards. Good thing his living room was open to the kitchen. No barriers. He was able to still watch him to feel safe. It was just then that he observed Steve’s state. He was wearing gray boxers, and a worn out white t-shirt. He was also barefoot; he had bed hair, and got his eyeglasses on.

There was the sound of water, and Bucky was lulled for seconds. He felt drained. So, he rested his back on the sofa, closing his eyes seconds later. He still felt hot. His breath was hot too. He could feel it. It was like boiling from the inside out.

“Here.”

He opened his heavy-lidded eyes and found Steve sitting in front of him right on the coffee table. His hand carried two pills and the other one a glass of water.

Bucky tried his best to hold the glass, and luckily Steve was there. He held it up for him as he swallowed the pills. The taste of water was like heaven. He drank all of it, relishing the feeling of cool liquid running through his body.

“Okay?”

“Yeah. Thanks,” Bucky uttered softly. Steve got up and went back to put the glass in the kitchen sink.

It was very sudden when it happened. Bucky felt his body shaking. It wasn’t the panic. No. It was the cold. He felt very cold. He started shivering. His teeth chattering. When he looked at himself, he remembered that he was only in his boxers. No wonder.

“St—Steve,” he tried his best to call for him. Thankfully, his neighbor heard him.

“Yeah Bucky?” he asked from the kitchen, his eyes squinting. He took one look at Bucky and then in seconds he was immediately by his side.

“What is it? What’s wrong?”

Bucky couldn’t speak. He was too cold. He hugged himself and the shivering was still going strong. Steve sat on the coffee table again and rubbed Bucky’s arms, and shoulders.

“Damn it, you’re still burning.”

“I’m cold.”

“I know. It’s the fever Bucky. Let me get you some clothes.”

Bucky saw him head to his room and then it was mere seconds before Steve came back with a t-shirt and sweat pants. He tried his best not to blush. Tried not to think that Steve was just in his room, choosing something for him to wear. He also had the blanket with him.

“Come on, get up. Put this on.”

“I just need the t-shirt,” he said as he put it on, avoiding Steve’s eyes.

“Lie down, will ya? You need to rest.”

Bucky lay back on the couch and Steve covered his legs with the light blanket. Bucky reached for it to cover his whole body. He wanted to hug it so badly to feel warm, only to be stopped by Steve.

“Don’t. It’ll get worse. You don’t know it but you really need to cool down. You’re body is basically a lava.”

“Fuck,” Bucky whined.

It was at that moment that they heard the ringing. It was his cell phone. Bucky groaned and Steve was in the middle of adjusting the blanket when he turned to Bucky. “You wanna take that call?”

“I really should. It must be Clint.” He started to sit up when he was stopped again.

“Don’t worry. I’ll get it.”

Bucky forgot where he left it, but Steve came back with the ringing phone. Bucky adjusted the two pillows behind him and swiped to answer. His teeth were no longer chattering.

“Hey,” Bucky groaned into the phone.

“Well, you sound like shit.”

Bucky cleared his throat. “Yeah…I um had one of ‘em tonight.” His eyes cast on Steve. He felt very self-conscious speaking to Clint in front of him. Steve looked at him then got the idea. He pointed to the kitchen. “I’ll be right back.”

Bucky felt like crap but he wasn’t ready to tell his story, to tell the reason behind his anxiety attack. Clint knew everything.

He spoke into the phone in a low voice, burying himself in the couch. He was on his side.

“I was asleep and had that same nightmare again. It was fucking real Clint. It was the worst.”

“Shit. I’m sorry man. I was at a noisy place. Didn’t hear it.”

He let out a pathetic chuckle. “Oh and guess what. On top of that, I have a fever.”

There was silence at the other end of the line. Then Clint cursed under his breath.

“Clint?”

“He said it would be possible but highly unlikely.”

“What is? What are you talking about? Who’s he?”

There was a long sigh, and Bucky knew that sigh. He knew Clint so well. He can picture him now, sitting on his black leather sofa, his hand rubbing his forehead. It was what he did whenever he was holding back something from him.

“Stark. He said that a fever might be a consequence to attaching the new limb. Like a very, very temporary fever. Kinda like those twenty-four hour thing. You know, the body getting used to something new.”

Bucky felt like ice. He never knew that there was that possibility at all. Then he sat up, very slowly. Through gritted teeth and with an angry tone, he asked, “What did you say?”

“Bucky. I know you’re gonna be mad—“

“You think!” His voice was rising. His breath was getting hotter. He thought he might breathe fire. _Damn this fever_.

“Listen. He wanted to tell you but I advised him not to. I didn’t want you to freak out and panic, just like you’re doing right now.”

“Are you _fucking_ kidding me? You owe me that kind of information. And tonight’s episode was obviously triggered by the fever. It’s been a while since I had them. The nightmares.”

“Bucky—“

“This is all your fault!”

“Now, hold on—“

“No, Clint. Fuck you! Fuck you, you hear me. I’m so fed up of your lies. You think I’m a kid. I’m a _grown-ass_ man. I can handle it.”

“Clearly you are," he said, sarcasm filling his voice.

Bucky almost threw the phone on the wall, but decided that he wasn’t done screaming at Clint. So, he held his phone in both hands and screamed at it, making sure Clint got how angry he was.

“Well, maybe if you were acting like a true friend, you’d give me a warning. Like, oh Bucky, listen, you might get a fever. Take precaution. Oh, but no. You always like to keep me in the dark, don’t you? Well, I’ll keep you in the dark too _asshole_. I’m not gonna contact you ever again you motherfucker. You piece of shit. You—“

The phone was snatched from his hand. “All right, that’s enough.”

Bucky, panting, turned and found Steve standing there looking at him pointedly. Then he saw him raise the phone to his ear. His eyes never leaving Bucky’s angry ones.

“Hi, this is Steve Rogers. Bucky’s neighbor. He’s running a fever, so please don’t mind his outburst. I’m sure he doesn’t mean any of it.”

Bucky stepped closer, trying to yell for Clint to hear. “I sure damn well meant every word. You hear me Clint?”

Steve held him back, putting his hand on his metal shoulder. “Bucky. Just sit down, please.”

Bucky took deep breaths and couldn’t handle Steve’s pleading look, so he complied. In that moment, he realized that he’d do anything for that guy. It scared him a bit but wasn’t ready to dwell on that.

He was tired. Very tired. So he decided to forget about Clint. About Banner. About Stark. About his arm too. He just wanted to sleep.

He lay again, not covering himself with the blanket for he felt hotter than ever. His droopy eyes watched as Steve hemmed and hawed, talking to Clint while walking to the kitchen.

Bucky decided not to think that Clint was on the phone with Steve. So, he closed his eyes, and tried to calm himself down. It was only for seconds when he felt Steve next to him. He was on the table again.

“Bucky?” his voice was so soft.

“Hmm?”

“You have to take this. It’s prescribed antibiotics.”

Bucky opened one eye and saw him holding out his hand, two white pills in the middle of his big palm. A glass of water was in the other.

“Where the hell did you get ‘em?” he asked as he sat up.

Steve just motioned for Bucky to open his mouth and he took the pills in his mouth, then he helped him drink the water.

“I talked to Clint. He had already put them in the kitchen cabinet. It’s prescribed by Dr. Banner.”

“Damn it Steve! I don’t want their help.” He wished he could go back in time and not take the pills. His pride was hurt. He looked at Steve and saw the guy’s face change. He was frowning. Then Steve took a deep breath, closing his eyes in the process. It was obvious that he was trying to compose himself.

“Listen Bucky,” he started, and leaned over, resting his elbows on his thighs. His eyes were looking directly at Bucky’s. “You’re like a lava right now. We’re gonna take what we can get since you don’t want the hospital. This is a fever Bucky. It’s not a cold.”

Bucky looked away, lips pursed. Then he felt a hand on his knee. He turned and saw Steve smile. “He was just looking out for you.”

“Please.” Bucky’s voice was hoarse. “I don’t wanna talk about it.”

“Fine. But right now, I want you to lie down.”

Bucky did as he was told and then closed his eyes. Then he asked, without opening them. “Are…are you leaving?”

He couldn’t see Steve’s expression and he didn’t want to. A wave of embarrassment washed over him. There were a few seconds of silence and then Steve’s voice reached him. “I’m not leaving till I make sure your fever goes down.”

Bucky didn’t say anything. He wanted to apologize for troubling him but he wanted him with him. He still needed someone with him.

He took comfort of Steve moving in his kitchen. He didn’t know what he was doing, and he didn’t care.

All he knew was that he was safe. That was all he needed.

 

~~~

 

He was still burning up, but there was something heavy on his forehead. Something very cold. He shivered. There were sounds too, whispers.

“Shh. You’re okay.”

The heavy weight on his head lifted but he couldn’t open his eyes. He was in a limbo. He was feeling his surroundings but couldn’t wake up. He gasped as the weight was back on the top of his head, freezing. It was so cold. _What is happening?_ He thought.

He felt drops of water dripping on the sides of his face. It ran down his neck too. Then he felt his collarbone being dampened.

“So sorry, but we need to cool you down.”

It was Steve. He felt him close, to his right. “It’s just a cold towel Bucky. I’m trying to help you.”

Bucky let out a moan, a pained moan.

“It’ll be okay. Trust me,” Steve whispered.

Bucky couldn’t reply and miraculously fell back into sleep.

 

~~~

 

Bucky felt himself move on the couch before he became conscious. He kept his eyes closed. Sleep was bliss at that moment and he was trying to dive back into it. He didn’t want to wake up.

Hushed voices reached him and he stopped his movement. His body got goosebumps as a result. Sleep was no longer an option now and he pretended to still be asleep to hear whatever the conversation was and who was engaged in it. It was Steve and someone else. The low voices weren’t close. They were at a safe distance. They probably didn’t want to wake him.

Unfortunately, it was that precise moment that he became fully conscious.

“So what does he do?” A stranger’s voice asked.

“I don’t know,” Steve said.

“You don’t know? You’ve been mothering him all night and you don’t know shit about him?”

“I know that he’s our neighbor and he needed help. He’s a nice guy actually.”

“Nice guy? You only met him…what? Twice?”

“It doesn’t matter. Even if I didn’t meet him at all Sam, I’m not gonna stop helping people just ‘cause I don’t know enough about them.”

There was a chuckle from the other guy, then a whistle. “Damn, that TV though. I mean look around you Steve. Why would someone like him live in this crappy building?”

“Our building is not crappy.” Steve sounded scandalized.

“He could be a hit man, you know.”

Steve snickered.

His friend continued, “He could be a spy, a serial killer, a—“

“You watch too many movies.”

“Or—“

“Or he could be someone who’s minding his own business. Have a little faith Sam.”

Few seconds of silence and then Sam let out a soft chuckle. “Man, you’re just…”

“Sam, I don’t wanna hear it right now, okay? It’s bad enough that I hear it from Nat every damn time.” Steve’s voice was stern. Bucky never thought he’d hear that tone from him.

“Fine. I’ll let it drop. For now.”

Steve huffed. Then Sam spoke again, “I’m heading to work. What about you? You going?”

“I called in sick. I can’t just leave him. Besides, I didn’t sleep a wink. The last thing I need is to sleep in front of my students.”

“Doesn’t he have anyone?”

“Not that I know of. All I know is that he has a friend called Clint and he’s in LA.”

“Seriously though, Steve. Look around you. There’s a story here,” Sam stressed.

Steve hissed, “Keep your voice down. I don’t want him to wake up. His fever just broke down.”

Bucky moved to lie on his left his side, giving the living room his back. He opened his eyes and stared at the dark threads of the sofa. Hearing them talk like that about him made him uncomfortable. He prayed that they would stop talking about him.

Apparently it worked. They stopped talking and then there were the sounds of feet coming his way. Light footsteps. He stayed calm and closed his eyes. He reminded himself to act asleep. To act dead to the world.

He was an actor after all.

His heart almost stopped when he felt a hand on his forehead. The back of the hand touched his forehead, his cheeks, and his collarbone. The touch was so light and gentle that Bucky’s heart ached. Finally, his human hand was being held gently. He knew it was Steve. He got to know his touch, the feel of his skin, but most of all his presence.

Then he was left alone. He heard a sigh of relief coming from behind him. Bucky pictured him sitting on the coffee table again. He should call it Steve’s table from now on.

“He’s okay,” Steve whispered.

Then there was movement and the blanket, which was pooling by his feet earlier, was covering him. His heart filled with warmth at that act of care.

Bucky waited as he heard them leaving.

“I’ll see ya man.”

“See ya.”

The door closed and he waited, holding his breath. Waited to see if Steve had left or not. He smiled softly when he heard Steve walking around and then sitting on the kitchen counter. He decided that he might feel better just knowing that Steve was there.

He went back to sleep, his heart full.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a history of anxiety attacks. So, the description here was totally based on what I used to go through during the episodes. Thankfully, I don't get them anymore and writing this chapter was therapeutic for me.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finals delayed me. So sorry. This chapter is a monster. *wipes forehead*
> 
> Also, I've never played darts. Forgive me ;p

 

 

Bucky felt the soft breeze ruffling his hair and cooling his skin. He inhaled deeply and opened his eyes. The curtains were moving with the friendly wind. The apartment looked more serene with the sunlight. The chirping of the birds reached him and he smiled in spite of himself. He stretched and looked around. No one was there.

No sign of Steve.

He threw the blanket draped over him on the back of the couch and sat up. He felt good. No longer hot. No longer fatigued. But he did really need a shower. His skin was itchy. Looking around, he wondered where Steve had gone.

“Um, Steve?”

There was no answer.

Bucky found himself shaking his head. He was stupid for thinking that he would find him waiting for him with those calming blue eyes. Steve did more than enough though, staying with him up all night. Bucky didn't know what to do. How would he repay him? He was indebted to him now.

A part of him was a bit uncomfortable at the thought.  
   
His eyes roamed around the place. There was a glass of water on the coffee table, two bottles of pills and a bowl. He craned his neck to look inside and found melting ice and a small towel swimming there.  
  
He smiled sadly as he remembered the night before. The cloth on his face, his body and his hands. His hand unconsciously touched his collarbone. It was cool.  
   
_Damn it,_ he thought. Steve did more than was necessary. He blushed thinking about it. Not just because he was inspecting him all night, but for the sheer embarrassment that he had involved him in this mess. In his mess.  
   
Bucky rubbed his hands on his face and ran his fingers through his wet hair. He grimaced and got up. "I need a shower. Stat."

He froze when he noticed another thing on the table. A sketchbook and three dark pencils. He held his breath. It was obviously Steve’s. He probably busied himself with it and forgot to take it with him. Bucky didn't know that the guy could draw. His hands itched to touch it, flip through it, and see what the guy could do. But he couldn’t. Bucky respected privacy. He should know better, given his career and life running away from the paparazzi.

He looked at the green sketchbook once more before turning away and heading to his room. The digital clock read 12:00 p.m.

Ten minutes later and he was out of the shower, towel hanging around his waist. He dried up and wore some freshly clean sweatpants. He decided to air dry his hair. Enjoying the coolness on his skin, he decided to stay shirtless. He closed his eyes as he took deep breaths. It felt like he had finished a marathon that went on all night.  
  
Sounds inside the apartment got his attention. They were coming from the kitchen. His heart thudded in his chest as he realized that Steve had returned.

Bucky walked outside his bedroom and headed down the small hall. Steve was putting stuff on his kitchen counter. There were two plates covered with aluminum foil.  

"And he's awake! Rise and shine pal," Steve announced from the kitchen as he poured a glass of orange juice.

Bucky felt his heart skip a beat at Steve’s easiness around his house. He really regretted not putting on a shirt. Instead he stood there, shirtless and in the middle of his living room, staring anywhere but Steve.

"How’re you feeling?" Steve asked.

Bucky raised his head and looked at Steve. The guy was smiling, standing beside the fridge, his hands on his hips. Suddenly, he remembered that Steve asked a question.

He cleared his throat. "Uh, yeah. I feel great."

Steve nodded and motioned with his hand toward Bucky, sighing. "You look amazing."

He didn't expect that and apparently neither did Steve for he stumbled on his words next. "Um...I mean, health wise."

Bucky rubbed the back of his neck, trying to hide his blush. "Thanks."

"You feel hot?"

"Hmm?" Bucky’s eyes widened.

Steve walked up to him and stood close--very close--making Bucky very much self-conscious and breathless. Steve reached out and touched Bucky’s forehead. His eyes kept concentrating on his mission, which gave Bucky a small window of opportunity of gazing at him up close. He was still wearing his framed eyeglasses, his hair still ruffled. He was wearing sweatpants this time. Apparently, he found time to go to his place to put on some clothes.

"Thankfully, your skin is cool, but still. So here," he said as he got him the thermometer. 

Bucky eyed it suspiciously. He never remembered having the thing at home at all.

"Open up," Steve ordered.

Bucky raised his brow. "Yes, mom."

He kept it under his tongue and watched as Steve went back to the counter. "So, I didn't know what you preferred, plus, I mean...Bucky...you need to learn the art of grocery shopping."

Bucky argued, “There’s an art?”

Steve uncovered the two plates on the counter and beckoned him to come join him. Bucky sat on the stool.

"I made two sandwiches. One is peanut butter and jelly, and the other is cheese. So you can pick whichever."

"Oh, now?"

"Yes, you need some food in you after last night," he explained as he plucked the stick from Bucky’s mouth. “No fever. Great.”

Then he went on to get a glass of milk for himself and sat in front of him. Bucky was still a bit startled with his ease in his place.

Bucky couldn’t handle all of this. He had to express his gratitude.

He started, "Uh...Listen, about last night--"

It was at that precise moment that Steve's phone rang.

_Of course._

The blond made an apologetic face and looked at his phone. "Sorry, I have to get this. Hold on."  
   
Bucky nodded and looked at the sandwiches. The cheese one looked tempting. He picked it and took a bite, savoring the taste in his mouth. His body was starving for the food.  
   
"Hey. What’s up?" Steve asked whoever was on the other end of the line.  
   
Bucky used that moment to just stare at him. Sitting there with him, having breakfast. At ease. It’s been so long since he had someone share a breakfast with him. Usually, no one joined him in his huge house in LA in the mornings. And if someone did, it would be Clint in his business suit, talking nonstop on his cell. Bucky’s heart clenched and he looked away, pretending to find the sandwich much more interesting.  
   
"Wait, what?" Steve's voice carried an alarming note.  
   
Bucky's head snapped. Steve started grabbing his keys, sketchbook and pencils—which Bucky just noticed that they were relocated to the counter. Bucky swallowed the food he was chewing and stood up when Steve did. Steve looked at him and motioned for him not to worry and to sit down.  
   
"But I ordered the supplies two months ago. Couldn't they have warned me beforehand? Wait Maria,"  
   
He then turned to Bucky, his expression apologetic. "I have to run. You good here?"  
   
Bucky nodded forcefully, waving his hand at him. "Yeah, absolutely. Go."  
   
"Thanks." Then he headed to the door, talking to Maria. "I told you I had paid already. I mean what the hell..."

Bucky sighed. It was the perfect moment to thank him for last night. He didn't get to do it and it bothered him.

_What’s he gonna think of me now?_

The door closed and Bucky sat there, his heart heavy. He was just about to process what happened when the door opened again. Bucky watched Steve marching inside toward the coffee table, still on the phone. “Uh huh. Yeah, exactly! That’s what I said too.”

He grabbed the bottle of pills and put them in Bucky’s hand. He pressed it there and said, “Don’t forget to take two of them after your sandwich. Two pills three times a day, okay?”

Bucky nodded numbly and watched him leave, still talking to Maria. And just like that he was alone again. Then he remembered Steve's comment about groceries. His eyes targeted the fridge. "He better not."

He got up and opened the big fridge. It was stacked with everything.

"Is he _fucking_ real?"

  
~~~  
 

Bucky spent the rest of his day cleaning up his place. It had been therapeutic for him to do his chores by himself. He washed his bed sheets, cleaned the kitchen even though it didn't need to be cleaned. He tidied up the place and put his clothes in the hamper. Clint was too crazy to also buy him a washing machine and a dryer, which were placed inside a wide closet. He didn't know how he did it in an apartment this small, but that was what Clint did.  
   
The thought reminded him of Clint and what he did. Bucky let out a long sigh and grabbed his cell. He found two texts from him.  
   
**_Screw you, I'm keeping Steve._**  
   
Then the other was an hour later.  
   
**_btw, Steve and I r friends now. He promised me her number. Blackmail=no more._**  
   
In spite of being angry at him, he smiled sadly and turned off his cell. He wasn't ready yet to forgive him. He was mind-boggled at how Clint didn't even bother with Bucky’s outburst and continued to text as though they were okay. There was no apology.  
   
_That’s so Clint of him._  
   
He thought of going to Steve's place when it was around three o’clock, but he figured he might be in the park for the art program. So, he changed into black jeans and a black t-shirt. He decided to discard the cap and headed out.  
   
To his dismay, Steve wasn't there. He ended up walking around, enjoying the breeze and taking deep breaths from time to time to freshen his lungs after last night's episode.

 

~~~  


   
It wasn't until the evening, around seven, when he found himself knocking on Steve's door. He took deep breaths and nervously tangled his fingers together. He decided to put them in his pockets. His head down, trying to rehearse the speech he wanted to deliver.

When the door opened, Bucky looked up and his smile faltered. It wasn’t Steve. It was his roommate.  
   
"Well, if it isn't our dear neighbor who scared the _shit_ out of us in the middle of the night. Hey there."  
   
Bucky cast his eyes down and let out a nervous laugh. "You’re gonna call me that?" Then he smiled as he looked up. "That’s a mouthful, I gotta tell ya."

"I'll get used to it." Sam smirked.

Bucky laughed heartily this time and extended his hand. "Hey, man. Sam, right?"  
   
The man smiled as he shook his hand in a firm grip. "That’s me."

Bucky took a deep breath. "Sorry about last night. I was having a--"

Sam waved him off. "No worries. Steve filled me in. Sorry to hear that you had to go through it alone."

"Well, if it weren't for Steve, I..." Bucky shook his head searching for the right words.

"He's _that_ guy, you know."

"Is he around by any chance?" Bucky’s heart thudded in anticipation.

"Uh huh. He's in the shower. Why don't you come in?"

Bucky hesitated. "Uh, I don't wanna impose or anything--"

"Nonsense," Sam exclaimed and opened the door wide for him to enter. It took Bucky seconds to think about what he was doing before getting inside.

Their place was structurally designed like his, but it was flipped the other way around. It had a homey feeling to it. Very cozy. Sure, the furniture looked old, but it felt warm to stand there. While Bucky’s apartment was fully decorated, theirs was plain simple. No wonder Sam was suspicious of Bucky’s identity when he was talking to Steve this morning. Bucky’s apartment screamed luxury. Excessive luxury.

_Damn Clint._

"Make yourself at home man. Do you want some beer?" Sam asked as he headed toward the kitchen.

"No, thanks," Bucky said as he looked around.

Sam went anyway to bring himself one and Bucky's eyes observed the living room. He was trying to study the place. _So this is where Steve lives?_

It felt intrusive, but he was eager to learn more about Steve. It wouldn’t hurt, he told himself. Looking around, his eyes fell on a stack of boards put aside by the wall. He squinted and it turned out they were canvas boards flipped, facing the wall. He looked back and Sam was still in the kitchen. Taking three light steps, he reached them and touched one to peak around.

They were paintings.

"They're Steve's,” Sam offered.

Bucky’s heart jumped and he almost tripped on his feet as he turned around.

“What?”

“He paints. Take a look and let me hear what you think.” He took a sip of his beer.

When Bucky didn’t move, still processing the information that Steve was actually an artist, Sam offered, “He doesn’t mind. He actually hates these. Says they’re bad. That’s why they’re turned over. So I wanna hear what you think, just to keep my sanity."

Bucky turned back and picked one carefully. His breath left him as he saw a portrait, a full body portrait of Nat. She was wearing that black dress. Her red hair was wild, and her back was to the observer, sandals dangling from her fingers. There weren’t clear edges to the brushstrokes, making her portrait dreamy-like.

“Are you kidding me?" Bucky whispered.

"Yeah. Great, right?"

"More like…poetic." Then he looked at it again, touching the colorful brushstrokes.

"Why aren’t they on the wall?" Bucky put it back exactly like he found it, resisting the urge to look at the others. He still felt like he should ask for Steve’s permission.

"He doesn't like them."

Bucky walked back to the center of the living room. "Are you serious?"

"Yeah. Says he can do better. You know, artists. Never satisfied with their work."

Bucky could understand. He was an actor. He knew when a certain take didn't impress him and he wasn't satisfied with it. But this! This was magical. _Poetic_ , he thought.

"He should open a gallery.” Then Bucky uttered softly, “I can help with that if he’d allow me.”

Sam raised his brow and looked about to say something but shook his head. He smiled at Bucky and asked, “So, what do you do?”

It took Bucky a few seconds to answer. He needed to tread carefully. “Um, I’m not doing anything. At the moment.”

“Ah. You quit?”

“Yes. Needed a bit of a time off. Figure out what to do.”

He watched as Sam motioned for him to sit down. Bucky felt like he was being interviewed. He didn’t want the nerves to get the better of him, so he relaxed his back on the comfortable couch. Sam took another sip of his beer.

“What are you good at then?”

Bucky let out a nervous laugh. “Why are you asking? Are you recruiting?”

Sam laughed heartily. “Nah man, just trying to get to know my neighbor. Making small talk.”

Bucky ran his hand through his hair and folded his lips in. “I used to work in Ads.” He almost winced, but his acting came in handy.

“Oh cool, but no offense, I always think you guys are vultures.”

Bucky laughed. “That’s why I quit.”

“Good for you. My opinion though.”

Bucky relaxed as his neighbor seemed to have bought it. He thanked God that he didn’t ask more questions. Bucky knew nothing about ads. It was Clint’s idea to go there with this plan. It was important to be careful around Sam as Bucky remembered his suspicions earlier in the morning when he was talking to Steve. He suspected something and Bucky had to bring his A game.

Sam was about to say something when Bucky heard a loud sigh coming behind them. “I have no idea why I feel so damn thirsty after I take a shower. I mean—”

Bucky stood up and turned around to greet Steve while Sam just sat there. Bucky’s brain short-circuited and felt his throat dry up. Steve was dripping water, clutching a towel around his nether regions. 

“Bucky!” Steve froze. He quickly secured the towel around his waist.

Bucky’s skills in acting went out the window when he first saw the vision in front of him. Steve’s skin was drenched in water, barely dry. Steve looked embarrassed, and Bucky wanted to melt right then and there.

_This is so unfair._

Steve, eyes wide, uttered, “What’re you doing here? Is everything okay?”

The other guy couldn’t conjure up an answer. Luckily, Sam spoke, “Damn it man! How many times have I told you to grab water bottles with you when you get in the shower? You’re ruining our carpet.”

Steve looked puzzled for seconds. He looked between the two, obviously still trying to figure out why Bucky was there, when he settled his eyes on Sam. “We don’t have a carpet! This is hardwood floor.”

“Still the same. You need to mop that yourself.”

All the while Bucky had been staring, committing the vision to memory. _There's nothing wrong with fantasies, right?_ He thought. And when Steve caught his eyes, Bucky quickly looked away, praying that his cheeks weren’t red. He ran his hands through his hair and cleared his throat.

“Um, I just wanted to talk to you. If this is a bad time—“

Steve put his hands up. “No, no. It’s fine. I’ll just go put on something and then we’ll talk. And Sam,” he turned to his smirking friend who was leisurely sitting on the couch. “Where’s your hospitality?”

“Come on, man. I offered him a beer and he declined.”

Bucky shook his head. “I’m good.”

“Okay, I’ll be right back.” With that Steve quickly dashed to his room, leaving the two alone again. Bucky was still standing up, his eyes following Steve until he disappeared in the hall. He let out a sigh and then caught himself as he realized that Sam was there watching him.

Bucky coughed and fidgeted. “So…” 

It was awkward all of a sudden. On top of it all, there was a look on Sam’s face that made Bucky nervous. Very nervous.

He decided to break the ice. “So, what do you do? Since we’re getting to know each other and stuff.”

Sam looked at him for a long time and Bucky felt scrutinized. “I’m a PE teacher.”

Bucky took a deep breath. “Oh, wow. That must be fun. Although, I hated gym class when I was in school.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. We had a horrible gym teacher.” Bucky sat down again.

“Well, you should come and see me. They love me over there.”

Bucky laughed slightly. “I’m sure they do.”

A few seconds passed and then what scared Bucky most happened. He knew it would happen eventually. The fact that it didn’t so far was too good to be true.

“You look a bit familiar. Have we met before?” Sam asked, sitting straight.

Bucky gulped. _Fuck!_

“Um, no.”

“Huh.”

Bucky shrugged. “I have one of those faces.”

He waited for a reaction from Sam and the other just smiled.

“All right!” Steve came back wearing a green t-shirt that left nothing to the imagination and gray sweatpants. He brought with him a bottle of water and took large gulps. Bucky stood and he didn’t know why. He felt nervous and didn’t want to be in their place anymore. Steve came around the couch and patted Bucky’s shoulder.

“How are you? Did you take your medications?” Steve squeezed his shoulder.

Bucky tried to look at him without picturing him naked. “Yes, I did.”

“Wow, you are really mothering him. Lay off him,” Sam said.

“Sam.” Steve turned to his friend. “Stay out of this. Go fix us something.” Then he turned to Bucky, smiling. “Do you need anything? Let’s order some pizza.”

“No, it’s okay. I don’t wanna impose.”

“You’re not.” Steve gave him that genuine smile that made him weak in the knees.

Bucky looked away. “I need to be somewhere and I just came to tell you something.“

“What is it?”

“Can I talk to you –“

Sam got up. “I gotta make a phone call. Excuse me.”

Bucky was relieved, as he wanted a moment with Steve. He turned to Steve and took a deep breath before he spoke.

“Listen man, what you did for me last night was beyond generous and I’m beyond grateful. I just wanted to thank you. You ran out on me this morning before I had the chance to thank you properly.”

“Oh, yeah. I’m sorry. Something came up at work.”

“Hope everything is fine.”

Steve waved his hand around. “Oh yeah. It’s just…don’t worry about it. It’s even boring to talk about.”

“I doubt it. I’m sure it’s not.” He smiled at him and was rewarded with a warm smile from Steve. He cleared his throat and continued, “So what I’ve been meaning to say is that if there’s any way I could repay you, I’d be happy to do so.”

Steve frowned. “Come on. I didn’t do it expecting something in return.” Then he turned serious. “I hope you know that Bucky.”

Bucky realized how he might’ve come across. So, he raised his hands in surrender. “I do, I do. Don’t get me wrong. I--It would make me feel much better if you would tell me whatever it is that you want--I mean…Anything that you need help with…”

Steve huffed out a laugh. “Okay. I’ll keep that in mind.”

“But Steve, I’m serious. Whatever you want. I was fidgeting the whole day wanting to repay you…”

“My God.” Steve paused, a worried look on his face. “What kind of people did you have to deal with in your life? What I did was something anyone would’ve done. And I certainly don’t want any form of repayment.”

“But—“

“How about you buy us drinks?” Sam’s voice reached them as he appeared in the living room again. His eyes were still on his cell phone as his fingers scrolled up and down the screen. The two guys turned to him.

“Sam!” Steve scolded.

“He wants to repay you and I’m gonna take advantage of that if you won’t.”

Bucky smiled. “That’s perfectly fine. I’d love to. I mean I did upset you last night.”

“Damn right. I was having the most amazing dream.”

Bucky laughed. “Just set the time and date.”

“This Saturday. At Peggy’s.”

“What?” Steve raised his voice. He looked like he wanted to kill Sam, and Bucky found it amusing. Then he turned and calmly spoke, “Bucky, you don’t have to.“

Bucky touched Steve’s shoulder lightly. “I want to. Let me have this. Besides, I’ll consider this Sam’s compensation since I ruined his sleep. And it has nothing to do with yours. Okay?”

“Sweet.” Sam high-fived him.

Steve just stood there, looking between the two incredulously.

"And thanks for filling my fridge with practically everything. I mean...Avocados?"

Steve blushed and ran his hand through his wet hair. "I admit that I got carried away."

"How could you blame me for wanting to repay you?"

Sam raised his brow. "How come you never got us Avocados?"

Steve pointed at him. " _You_ stay out of this"

Sam raised his hands and backed away slowly. Bucky chuckled and then put his hands in his pockets. “Well, I gotta go. Have a great night.”

Steve put his hand on Bucky’s shoulder. "I'll walk you out."

Bucky didn’t miss the amused look on Sam’s face. "I'm playing Call of Duty, Bucky. Sure you don't wanna join?"

"I'm good. I'm not a video game type of guy."

"Oh, why you gotta say that now? I was getting to actually like you."

Steve shook his head. "Ignore him please."

When they were at the door, and Bucky was about to head to the stairs, Steve touched his arm to halt him.

"Hey."

Bucky turned. "Hm?"

"Anything I want, huh?"

For some reason Bucky felt his heart almost stop. Seeing that sincere look on Steve's face made him want to do anything for him. Literally.

Bucky cleared his throat. "Yes."

He waited, his mind going crazy of what he were to ask. Why did he have to do this? Get himself in trouble, and offering anything to this dangerous temptation? Why was he so reckless? He could’ve not insisted on repayment and let it go.

"Call Clint."

It took Bucky a few seconds to realize what Steve had said. He sobered up then huffed a laugh.

“What?" Steve asked, a playful smile decorating his face  
  
Bucky shook his head. "Are you kidding me?"

"Well, you asked so--"  
  
"Of all the things you could've asked...I would've cleaned your apartment if you wanted to. Or taken your trash for a month."  
  
"He's your friend Bucky."  
  
"Not anymore.” Bucky’s voice hardened.  
  
"Don't say that, okay. He's been worried about you."  
  
"Wait, is he—is he bothering you?"  
  
"No, he's not. I gave him my number because he wanted to keep checking on you. He figured you wouldn’t answer his calls."  
  
Bucky sighed. Steve folded his arms on his chest and looked at Bucky tenderly. "You and him have been through a lot apparently and you've been friends for what--ten years--that's bound to mean something?"  
  
Bucky shook his head. "I’m sorry Steve but you don't know anything about it."  
  
"True but here's what I do know." He stepped closer and pointed to his place, "Sam is one of my best friends and we've been through a lot. We fought, argued and blew in each other's faces but we stuck together. I can't imagine my life not having him by my side. Even if he gets on my nerves most of the time."

Bucky cast his eyes down, at a loss for words. How could he explain it to him without revealing everything? He hated that he was still guarded, even around Steve. But he had to.  
  
"What I'm saying is you stuck together that long. Don't you owe it to him to work on it? You don't wanna replace friends."  
  
Bucky looked up, smirking. "What if I wanna switch him with you? Have you as a friend instead?"  
  
"You already have me,” Steve answered softly.

That stole Bucky’s breath away. He stared at Steve trying to process what his neighbor just said. The softness of his voice tugged at Bucky’s heart. His brain tried not to read much into that statement, but his heart betrayed him.  
  
Fortunately, Steve saved him by speaking again, "Plus, it's okay to have more than one friend Bucky. Expand your circle."

Bucky let out the breath he was holding. He shook his head slightly as his eyes never left Steve’s. He muttered, “How are you real?”

That seemed to surprise Steve and he looked anywhere but Bucky. The other guy was amused as he noticed Steve’s flushing cheeks. At that moment Bucky found out that he liked that he was able to make him blush like that. It was obvious that Steve couldn’t handle compliments.

“I uh…” Steve stammered.

“It’s just,” Bucky started and Steve waited. “I’ve never met people like _you_.”

“Like me?” Steve tilted his head to the side.

“Good people. Good-hearted, you know.”

“Where were you really?” Steve’s face showed concern.

Bucky smiled sadly and waved as he headed down the stairs. “I’ll see ya around.”

Steve leaned over the banister and looked down the stairs. “You’re gonna call him?”

Bucky halted at the stairs, looked up and smiled. “I told you. Anything you want.”

Then he continued descending the stairs, not knowing what facial expression Steve wore at his decision. He didn’t want to. He couldn’t handle it.

 

~~~

 

“All right. Explain yourself.”

That was the first thing he said to Clint when the other picked up on the first ring. Bucky had gone to walk through the park after leaving Steve. He sat on the same bench and relished the quiet place. He had decided to do what Steve had asked him to because, well, Bucky had it coming. He should’ve offered something specific. And second, Bucky was a man of his word. He never backed out of anything, even when he signed once on a movie and knew that it wouldn’t do well. He respected commitments, just not those of the heart. And thirdly, well, Bucky realized that he would do anything for that man. He tried to deny it but the fact that he didn’t think twice about pulling his cell phone and calling Clint proved otherwise. It proved that he was allowing his heart to cling to something impossible. Something that wasn’t good for him at the moment.

He let out a long sigh.

“Well, this is a first. Usually, it would take you a month to have mercy on my little ol’ soul,” Clint said, amusement filling his voice.

Bucky closed his eyes and took a deep breath. When it came to Clint, Bucky would try to stay composed but the other guy always made it hard for him. He wondered how they’d stayed friends for long. And that was when he remembered Steve’s words. There must be something good between them. He owed it to himself.

“Don’t flatter yourself Clint. I was forced to.”

“Oh really? Who would force the Dark Prince, huh?” Then Clint was quiet but snickered later. “No way! Are you kidding me? It’s Rogers, isn’t it?”

“Clint. I’m trying here. I’m giving you my valuable time. So, go.”

There was silence again and then Clint spoke up, “All right, listen. You know how I can’t be serious for long so I’ll make this quick. I did what I thought was right. I know you don’t see it, but I would’ve done it again.”

Bucky didn’t reply. Clint continued, “Because I care about you, jerk. Maybe you don’t know it, but I try my best not to let you be hurt in any way. You’re my friend. You’ve been through hell this past year, and I thought holding back that info wasn’t gonna have consequences.”

When Bucky still didn’t say anything, Clint asked, “Bucky?”

“You hurt me.”

Clint sighed. “I know. And I’m sorry.”

Bucky rubbed his forehead and kept quiet. He was still upset, but at least he apologized. Clint never did apologize. They would both be stubborn, and let time or work bring them back together. It wasn’t healthy. And Bucky always hated that.

This time it was relieving. He felt a bit lighter.

Clint spoke again, “So, it’s been so long since I heard your ugly voice by the way.”

Bucky laughed in spite of himself. “It’s been just a day, asshole. Actually, less.”

“It seemed like years.”

Bucky’s heart warmed. It meant that Clint was serious too. He had really felt Bucky’s anger and hurt.

“I talked Steve’s ears off. Poor guy.”

Bucky almost chocked. “You what? Oh, Clint. Leave the guy alone okay?”

“He was my only link to you. I didn’t know how you were doing. Plus, he’s so easy to talk to.”

“Yeah,” Bucky said as he sighed. Then he heard Clint whistle.

“Oh you got it bad. You’re under his spell my friend. The fact that he made you call me—“

“Shut up!” Bucky felt his face warm up.

“I’m just sayin’.”

“Please tell me you didn’t talk about me.”

“Don’t worry. I stuck to the plan.”

“Yeah, well. With you, I don’t know anymore," Bucky said as he rested his back on the bench.

“Rest assured that I’m more concerned about your anonymity than you. You know that?”

“Okay, Clint. Okay.”

“We’re good?”

“We will be.”

After few seconds, Clint asked, "So...You guys sleeping together?"

Bucky hung up on him.

 

~~~

 

Peggy’s bar was not what Bucky expected. It was a quiet bar where people actually were able to hear each other. He was glad of one thing though. The lighting there was dim making the place cozy. He was extra self-conscious that night because he had cleaned up nice. He had shaved, held his hair in a ponytail, and discarded the cap at home. He rubbed his jaw unconsciously as his eyes looked for Steve and Sam.

Sam waved at him. Bucky smiled and headed toward their table. Steve’s back was to him, and turned to see Bucky. It was obvious that Steve didn’t miss his clean-shaven face for his eyes widened a bit before waving at him. Bucky didn’t blame him for he looked less of a hobo now that he’d cleaned up. That gave him a bit of confidence and he liked that Steve noticed. He put a loose strand of hair behind his ear as he sat down.

“Hey.”

“What’s up neighbor?” Sam asked as he waved for the waitress.

“I’m glad you had no problem finding this place,” Steve said as he played with his beer bottle.

Bucky rested his back on the chair, and spread his good hand on the table. “It wasn’t hard in a town like this. I enjoyed walking over here.”

“Well, I’m glad you’re here ‘cause I’m planning on drinking all night.” Sam then finished his bottle and yelled for the bartender, “Keep ‘em coming.”

Both Steve and Bucky laughed.

“Sorry about him,” Steve said as he put his elbows on the table and focused his attention on Bucky.

“I’m literally sitting next to you.” Sam shoved him playfully.

“Well, I said it out loud didn’t I?”

Bucky waved him off. “It’s okay. Tonight is on me. Feel free to order whatever.”

Another round of drinks came and Sam started the conversation. “So, Bucky. Where are you from? You don’t look from around here.”

“I’m from New York.”

“No way?” Steve asks. “I’m from there too. Brooklyn?”

Bucky smiled at Steve’s eager kid face. He liked that face. “Yeah.”

“Don’t you just miss the pizza?” Steve wonders as he took a sip.

“Don’t I ever!”

“I’m positive you were a hot shot ad man over there.”

“What?” Steve asked, his eyes turning to Bucky wondering.

Bucky’s breath hitched and tried to be cool about it. He remembered that Steve wasn’t there when he had that conversation with Sam. _Just go with the plan. You’re an actor for God’s sake_. All he needed was not to look at Steve. So, he took a very strong interest in the condensation on the beer bottle.

“I worked in ads but not in New York. I was in LA.”

“Oh. Worked?”

“Yeah, I quit. It became too much. People got greedy and I found out it was just…a dirty business, if you know what I mean.” Bucky didn’t lie in this regard. He really felt dirty in the Hollywood circle. He was glad he was out, even if it was temporary.

Sam commented, “No really. But I’d wager it’s better than crying babies scraping their knees playing volleyball.”

Bucky snickered and Steve had a frowning look on his face. “And here I thought you liked your students.”

“Not when they’re too engrossed with their selfies to play sports.”

Steve and Bucky shared a smile, and looked back at Sam when he said under his breath, “Damn this generation and their shit!”

Bucky laughed loudly. It had been a long time since he laughed heartily. There was something about Sam that radiated free spirit. When he recovered, he caught Steve’s eyes. He was looking at him differently. It was like he was seeing Bucky for the first time. Bucky quickly cleared his throat and took another sip.

“Now, Steve doesn’t have that problem,” Sam said.

“Oh?” Bucky asked as he looked at their companion.

“We’ve been over this Sam,” Steve said as his cheeks reddened.

Bucky’s interest peaked and urged Sam. “How so?”

“Even if his students weren’t into art, they would give their undivided attention simply ‘cause of his looks.”

“That’s not true!” Steve tried to interject but Sam held his hand up.

“Please. I know puppy-eyed looks when I see them.”

“I don’t see that as a problem,” Bucky commented and Steve looked at him.

“I’d like to think that they like me for my teaching—“

“Cut the crap Rogers. You know it.”

Bucky’s eyes found Steve who quickly looked away, his face turning red. Bucky enjoyed the conversation before a pretty lady walked up to them and stood between the two friends, her hand immediately resting on Steve’s shoulder.

“Well, hello there boys. Why is this one turning red as a tomato?”

Steve dropped his head on the table and groaned.

Sam laughed and turned to her. “Hey, she would know. We were just saying how Steve’s students love his classes for his looks.”

Bucky watched as the young woman laughed and ruffled Steve’s hair. “Well, Sam is right Steve. That’s what got me to stick with you for three years.”

That was when Bucky’s heart fell. A part of him suspected that Steve was involved but seeing it there in front of his eyes was a bit hurtful. And seeing the lady who was his girlfriend made something drop in his stomach. He didn’t want to be upset about it. He wasn’t looking for anything, so why would that bother him in the first place?

He took a large gulp before he saw her eye him.

“Who’s your new friend?” She asked excitedly.

Steve sat up straight and smiled as he gestured between them. “This is our new neighbor Bucky. Bucky, this is Sharon.”

She rounded them and came to shake his hand and he found himself standing up. He never forgot his manners, especially when it came to the ladies. “Hi, nice to meet you.”

“Likewise.”

Sam added, “He’s buying us our drinks tonight. How awesome is he?”

There was a shock on her pretty face and she put her hand on her chest. Bucky was still standing up out of curtsey and really felt awkward, not knowing what to do with his hands. So, he shoved them in his pockets. He stiffed a bit when she held his shoulder. Luckily, it was the normal one.

“Sam, where’s your hospitality?”

Sam shrugged. “He offered.”

Bucky turned to her, giving her his most genuine smile. “It’s true. I did.”

“Nonsense! Tonight’s on the house.” Then she turned to Sam and Steve. “Shame on you two.”

Steve shook his head and pointed to Sam. “He did it.”

Sam shoved Steve who wasn’t fazed as he laughed.

Bucky cleared his throat and said to her, “It’s all right. I want to.”

“Well, not tonight. Please, least I could do for my friends here.”

Bucky froze at her next words. “You look familiar? Have we met before?”

He quickly looked up. “Um. No.”

Thankfully, Steve spoke, “He just moved here Sharon.”

“I have one of those faces.”

She smiled as she looked at him, and she dropped it. He still held his breath. “Well, I’ll send up your drinks now. Enjoy your night Bucky.”

“Thanks.”

“Steve,” she said as the guy got up and gave her a hug. Bucky didn’t miss the way she hugged him.

“Good to see you.”

Sam leaned over and said to Bucky, “They make me sick.”

Bucky was confused but Steve waited for Sharon to leave before he swatted Sam’s shoulder. “You’re just jealous.”

Bucky was trying to understand but was too afraid to ask or sound too inquisitive. So, he opted to comment nonchalantly. “Wow. Bartenders here are sure friendly.”

“That’s ‘cause she’s Steve’s ex. Oh, and she owns the bar.”

“Aha.” He looked at Steve who smiled sadly at him as he sipped. “Why—I mean what happened? You two seem—“ He stopped when he saw a sad look cross Steve’s face. Bucky stammered, “Um, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to pry—“

Steve shook his head and raised his head. “It’s fine. I mean I loved her—I still do but,” Steve looked lost in the memories.

And Bucky found himself hanging to every word, waiting. Steve put his hands on his lap and looked down. “But I wasn’t in love with her, you know.”

Sam commented, “See, I never got that. You need someone dude.” He turned to Bucky and explained, “There wasn’t anyone after Sharon.”

“Oh.” Bucky nodded, still concentrating on Steve.

Sam turned to his friend, bumping his shoulder with his. “What are you really looking for Rogers? Enlighten us on this merry night.”

Steve rolled his eyes, but sighed seconds later. He seemed to be trying to choose his words carefully. “I guess…I’m looking for someone who, when I see, my heart would beat so loudly I’d fear it would burst out of my chest. Someone whose mere presence would consume me. Someone who, when I see across the room, I would feel…home.”

Bucky gulped. The sincerity in Steve’s voice tugged at his heart and he found himself asking, “Did you?”

Steve looked at him thoughtfully, “Did I what?”

“Did you find that person?” Bucky asked, his voice barely steady. His heart was in his throat, waiting for the answer. He shouldn’t have. What good would it do him to torture himself like that? To fall into something he shouldn’t allow himself to?

“I don’t know.” And Steve had a serene look on his face, and raised his bottle. “Here’s to hoping.”

“What boggles my mind is how did you do that?” Sam asked, turning to Steve.

Steve laughed. “Do what?”

“Stayed friends. I know I’ve asked you this a thousand times but still, you always never answer.”

Steve shrugged and Sam shook his head and answered his own question, looking at Bucky. “It’s ‘cause of his looks. I rest my case.”

“Can we change the subject please? Your obsession with my looks is starting to creep me out.”

“What about you Bucky? Any friendly exes?” Sam asked.

Bucky, at any other time, would’ve kept his mouth shut or evaded the subject. But now he wasn’t in the public eye anymore. Sure, when his blockbuster movie “Winter Soldier” came out ten years ago, he was hounded all day long. His sexuality was under the microscope. But ever since his career fizzled, no one bothered him. He was able to live his life as normal as possible. He never hid his sexuality though, but was a very private person. He liked keeping his private life private.

“Nah. My ex was an asshole,” he started as he took another sip. “I kicked his sorry ass when I found out he was just…using me.”

When he looked up, he realized that it turned a bit awkward. Sam just said, “Oh, sorry man.”

Steve was quiet, and his eyes down. Bucky found himself talking again. “Don’t be. I was glad I found out.” Then he snickered. “I hated his guts to the point that I sent Clint to break up with him for me.”

Sam spit his beer and laughed, joining him. Steve smiled but still didn’t look up.

“That’s gotta burn.”

“Found him stealing actually. I should’ve listened to Clint from the start. I was blind.”

“You were in love. It’s totally understandable.” Steve remarked.

Bucky remembered those blinding days, and then shook his head. “Nope. I never loved him. I think I was in that relationship because I was just lonely.”

“Clint?” Sam asked.

“His friend,” Steve replied.

Bucky looked at him and found him finally looking at him with a genuine smile.

“Yeah, my friend.”

The loud sound of the bottle hitting the table startled Bucky. Sam wiped his mouth and got up. “All right. This was supposed to be a fun guys’ night out. Let’s stop wallowing.”

“What do ya have in mind?”

“Darts!”

Steve groaned. “No.” He turned to Bucky after Sam left their table. “He’s gonna show off.”

“What?”

“Yo, Bucky. I’m challenging you to darts.”

Bucky took a last gulp of his beer and got up, Steve following him. That side of the bar wasn’t crowded. Most people were hanging around the pool table.

“Do people still play darts?” Bucky asked.

Steve snickered. “Only Sam.”

“Hey man, you played last week.”

“Only because no one was there to play against you,” Steve retorted.

Bucky found himself smiling at their bickering. He stood there as Sam got the darts. He handed him few.

“Uh. I don’t know the rules.”

“What?” Sam looked at him like he was speaking another language.

Bucky shrugged. “I never played before.”

Sam smirked. “Oh, this is gonna be so good.”

Steve stepped closer to Bucky. “Don’t worry. I’ll show you how. Wish you didn’t tell him that though. Now he’s gonna take advantage of you.”

Sam stood near the board and explained. “All right. Listen y’all. Bucky, you have to hit bulls eye five times.”

“Why five?”

“These are the rules we made up.”

“You mean _you_ did.”

“Shut up Rogers.”

Bucky added, “Then why did you give me a hard time about the rules?”

Sam ignored him and faced him. “Since you got to be saved by our lovely Sharon, and didn’t buy us our drinks and I still gotta have my compensation—“

“Sam!”

Bucky laughed and turned to Steve who looked horrified. “It’s okay. I’m enjoying this.”

“Zip it, Rogers. If I win, you buy us drinks here, every Saturday for two—no—three months.”

Steve wiped his face with his free hand. “Oh, God. Let it go already.”

"What if _I_ win?"

"How about you decide that, huh?"

“Why thanks Sam," he said sarcastically. "Um…”

Bucky didn’t have the advantage. He knew almost nothing about his opponent. He shrugged helplessly and that was when he felt Steve at his side. He stilled when he felt him whispering in his ear. Bucky couldn’t comprehend anything he was saying for he was trying his best in steadying his rapidly beating heart.

When Steve looked at him with mischief in his eyes, he stuttered, “Uh...”

“I’ll tell him,” Steve decided, and then turned to his friend. “If Bucky wins—“

“Damn it, Rogers! This is not your fight.”

“It is when you’re trying to take advantage of our nice neighbor.”

Bucky just stood there, twirling the darts in his fingers. Steve smiled mischievously as he said, “If he wins, you have to ask Maria out on a date.”

With that Sam stood tall and Bucky could tell that they got him. “Oh you’re on!”

Steve turned to Bucky. “He has a crush on her but refuses to act on it.”

“Steve, don’t you think it’s a bit—“

“Nah. He’s a good sport. Plus, he needs the push.”

“Who are you? Cupid.”

Steve snickered and drank his beer. Bucky looked at Sam. “I’m not gonna win Sam. So, you can relax.”

Sam locked eyes with him and Bucky took a step back as he watched Sam throw his first round.

Bullseye.

“Yeah!” Sam threw his hands in the air. “Your move now, neighbor.”

Bucky had never been competitive and he didn’t know how to go with this game. He took his position but heard Steve say, “Wait, wait. Not like that.”

Steve stood in front of him--too close--and held his shoulders back. “Widen your step, Bucky.”

Bucky did as was told, trying his best not to fluster but then Steve went behind him and put his hands on his waist. He melted inside.

“Strengthen your mid-section, now keep your eyes on the board.”

Bucky blinked twice, trying to ignore that ringing in his ears as a result of Steve being close to him. He gulped and breathed in relief when Steve moved and came to stand next to Sam. “Remember, eyes ahead and then throw your arm as strong as you can.”

“Are you on his side, Rogers?”

“Somebody has to. You’re good on your own.”

“Traitor.”

“Come on Bucky!” Steve cheered.

Bucky huffed at the night he was having and what it came to be. He never thought he’d be in a bar, in the state of Ohio, playing darts with two dorks. He snickered and threw his first round.

“Oh, good.” Steve went to check and it was in the middle ring. Sam laughed and Bucky shrugged, smiling. “Told you I’ve never played. Don’t worry Sam, you’ll win.”

And he high-fived him. Steve shook his head. “No, come on. Someone has to beat Sam and it’s gonna be you Bucky.”

“It’s all right Steve.”

Steve handed him the dart and spoke, “You’re not gonna buy us drinks for three months, man. I won’t allow it.”

“I find it amusing that you’re upset about this more than me.” Bucky smiled his way.

“He's being unfair. Plus, he knows he’s good.”

“You know I could’ve refused to play, right?”

Steve kept quiet and Bucky patted his shoulder. “Relax.”

Steve smiled but they both flinched when Sam yelled again. “Three more rounds Bucky.”

When it was his turn, Steve suggested quietly, “Why don’t you try using your left arm?”

“What?” Bucky turned to look at him, furrowing his brows.

“Isn’t it a state-of-the-art design?”

“So?”

Steve turned to him, his smile encouraging. “Try it.”

“Um. I don’t see how that’s gonna make a difference.”

“A little bird told me that it’s supposed to be much stronger than the normal arm.”

Bucky looked away, trying not to get upset. “Does that bird happen to be named Clint?”

“Bucky, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked. I didn’t mean—“

“Nah. No worries.” Bucky played with the dart, not looking up.

Steve came to stand closer to his side, his hand on Bucky’s shoulder. “It was me who asked him, okay. Don’t take it out on him. I…was just curious after you got the fever—“

“Steve,” Bucky interrupted him. He turned to him and sighed at the apologetic look on his friend’s face. He smiled at him in reassurance. “Don’t worry. I don’t mind that you asked.”

Steve bit his lower lip and nodded. Bucky didn’t want that to dampen the mood, so he put the dart in his metal hand and raised it. He felt the plates move. “Let’s see if your theory will work Steve.”

His eyes focused on the board, he breathed slowly until he felt that his hand was ready.

He threw it and it was bullseye.

“YES!” Steve shouted.

Bucky laughed in disbelief and jumped with Steve who hugged him, the bottle in his hand dripping beer. But they didn’t care.

“Wooho! Take that Sam!”

Bucky laughed at Steve’s enthusiasm and he kept his hand on his shoulder. Sam turned to them and smirked. “I’m still way ahead of you, newbie. Plus, what you did was unfair.”

Bucky waved at him with his gloved metal hand, while his other arm was around Steve’s shoulders. Sam glared at them and then threw again.

 

~~~

 

The building was quiet except for Sam’s cursing and Steve’s grunting as he tried to haul his friend across the lobby. Bucky hurried ahead of them to get the elevator. When it opened, he got in and held the door for them.

Sam had lost in darts. He was more than tipsy and missed one round. He refused to acknowledge it and called it a tie. When they settled it for throwing the dart one more time, Bucky won again. Sam, horrified at losing the bet, got drunk. Steve and Bucky celebrated, although Bucky felt bad because it was obvious that Sam felt something for that Maria person. He ended up telling Sam not to bother going through with it but he refused.

In the quiet elevator, Sam was slumped on Steve’s shoulder, and the latter rested his head back on the wall of the elevator. Bucky asked, “Is this a normal Saturday for you? For him?”

“I’m still here you know. I’m drunk, not unconscious,” Sam shot back.

Bucky and Steve chuckled and the doors opened. Sam quickly headed to their place while Steve stayed behind with Bucky in the hall. Steve turned to his neighbor, his door still open.

“Thanks for tonight. I know that Sam dragged you all the way there—“

“No, thank _you_. It’s been so long since I felt…” Bucky took a deep breath, feeling different.

“What?” Steve asked.

“Light.”

“Well, I’m glad then,” Steve said as he turned around. “Good night.”

Bucky blurted, “I called him.”

Steve stopped and then turned around. He tilted his head, amazed. “You did?”

“Yeah,” Bucky says as he looked down. He’d wanted to tell him ever since he called Clint in the park. He wanted to show Steve that he was serious. A man of his word. _Why is that crucial?_ He thought.

“And?”

Bucky busied his hands with his keys. “We’re gonna be okay.”

Steve nodded happily. “I’m glad.”

“Me too. He actually apologized, which is a wonder when it comes to Clint.”

Steve chuckled and motioned to him. “See? Communication works.”

Bucky smiled and noticed how Steve looked away, trying to phrase what he was going to say. “I…uh…am surprised that you actually did call him.”

Bucky narrowed his eyes. “Really? Why?”

“Well, last time you talked to him you almost threw your phone at the wall.”

Bucky laughed and blushed. “Well, I told you. Anything you want.”

Steve looked at him, his expression unreadable. Bucky continued, “I meant it.”

The air grew thick and Bucky forgot what he was doing. He kept staring at Steve and he tried to read him, but couldn’t.

A loud crash jolted them both and they heard Sam shout, “It’s okay. I’m okay.”

Steve laughed slightly and motioned to his place. “I should go make sure he doesn’t kill himself.”

“All right. I’ll see ya around.”

“Definitely.”

They closed their doors at the same time.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the delay. I spent all summer traveling and being a gypsy basically. Couldn't be in the needed head-space for writing.
> 
> Hope you like the development, even if it's a bit slow. I'm a huge fan of slow-build stories ;)
> 
> Translation was done through google translate unfortunately. I know that machine translation isn't that reliable sometimes. 
> 
> All mistakes are mine. Next chapter will be longer I'm afraid.

 

 

 

“So they’re a thing now? Sam and Maria? Like a couple?” Bucky asked as he took a sip of his black coffee.

“Yeah, apparently she liked him all along,” Steve answered as he scribbled down some notes for his class. They were both sitting on a bench in the park while Steve’s after school art class students were working on their pieces.

Bucky chuckled. “Who would’ve thought I’d play Cupid?”

Steve bumped his shoulder. “Hey now. It was me who literally made it happen. You didn’t even know.”

Bucky smiled his way and closed the book he was reading. He looked around and took a deep breath, enjoying the weather.

It had been two weeks since their night at Peggy’s. Bucky found, in spite of himself, liking hanging out with his two neighbors. It was unsettling at first, but he felt safe around them especially since he was sure they had no idea who he was.

At first, he didn’t want to overdo it. If it were up to him, he’d stay away especially when it came to his crush on Steve. Yet, ever since the night Steve had helped him with his anxiety attack, Bucky couldn’t ignore him. The least he could do was extend the hand of friendship. That was all he was going to do, even if his mind betrayed him at night, forming fantasies where he and Steve were more than that.

He’d been spending every late afternoon with Steve in the park during his after school program. Sometimes he’d bring coffee, other times he’d bring books and discuss them with him.

Today was a good day. He got black coffee for himself and latte for Steve. He was still reading some notes and school papers while Bucky just looked around, enjoying the serenity. Until…

“Um, Steve?” Bucky motioned with his head behind Steve. There were three teenage students standing behind him. Their teacher turned and smiled.

“Hey, Ashley. What can I do for you?”

The girl blushed while the other two shrank behind her. Bucky hid his smile. It must be the ‘Steve factor’.

“Are we ever gonna paint…live models? Like choose people who’d sit there…”

She quickly glanced at Bucky then back to her teacher. Steve sat back. “Sure we will. It’s in the plan but I gotta teach you some other stuff before heading in that direction.”

“Oh, okay.”

Her eyes caught Bucky again and he gave her a kind smile before turning away. The last thing he wanted was some teenage girl recognizing him, although he took solace in the fact that his last few movies were all independent and definitely didn’t appeal to this generation. He retired huge box office movies a long time ago.

She thanked Steve and left to go back with her two friends to their easels. Their giggles were not missed.

When they were alone again, Bucky let out a hearty laugh and Steve looked at him in confusion. “What’s so funny?”

“Just…I see what Sam meant.”

Steve looked like he still didn’t understand so Bucky motioned his hand toward the girls. They were still giggling and looking their way from time to time. “They totally had those heart eyes when they were talking to you.”

“What?!” Steve almost shrieked.

“They totally have a crush on their teacher.” Bucky winked at him. “You’re too oblivious Steve.”

Steve laughed and punched his shoulder. “You’ve got it all wrong man.”

“Uh, I don’t think so.”

Steve smirked. “They’re crushing on you actually.”

Bucky sobered up and Steve continued, “I’ve been teaching those kids after school for half a year. Those girls didn’t act up like that until they saw you.”

Bucky huffed and tried not to blush. “Don’t be ridiculous.”

“I’m serious. Last week, they asked me about you when you didn’t show up.”

“Jesus!” Bucky rubbed his face and then ran his hand through his hair.

Steve seemed to be enjoying his dilemma. Bucky couldn’t believe that he was the object of schoolgirls’ crush. He felt awkward. Plus, he didn’t need the attention. “You know Bucky. Come to think of it, I think—no—I believe what they’re implying with their inquiry is that you become their model.”

Bucky almost spilled his coffee. He coughed and Steve patted his back, laughing. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. “You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?”

“I’m having so much fun. Did you also know that they had already asked me that question exactly three days ago at school? I think today they just wanted to see you up close.”

“Jesus! You’re horrible. I’m ‘atta here.” Bucky got up and Steve kept laughing.

“It’s adorable that you’re blushing.”

“Shut up!” Bucky blushed even more.

“Oh come on, don’t leave. You just got here.”

Bucky picked up his book and coffee cup. “I gotta go. I need to get new books. Gotta order a new collection. Later.”

He was just a few feet away when Steve’s voice stopped him. “Hey.”

Bucky turned and saw Steve get up and catch up to him. “Just wanted to let you know that uh…I won’t be here tomorrow.”

“Oh.” Bucky tried to hide his disappointment.

“Yeah, um I’m giving those kids two days off. Figured they could start creating a portfolio. Do their own thing by adding different works.”

“Cool. That’s actually great.” Bucky felt awkward and didn’t know what to say.

Steve rubbed his hands, looking very eager all of a sudden. “I’ve been meaning to ask, since you read a lot. Ever been to the east part of town?”

“No, why?”

Steve smirked. “I’m so glad you didn’t. Let me initiate you my friend.”

Bucky chuckled. “Why? What’s there?”

Steve looked back at his students, then back to Bucky; his hands in his pockets. “Let’s meet here tomorrow and I’ll take you there. I can’t wait for you to meet Jane.”

“Um—”

“If--If you want of course.”

Bucky smiled. “Why not? I’ve got nothing to do.”

“Cool. Well, I gotta head back. Five o’clock tomorrow, okay?”

Bucky felt like he was being ambushed in an endearing way. He was going to ask more questions, but decided not to. He trusted Steve. “Sure.”

Steve waved at him and jogged back. Bucky lingered a bit, enjoying the view of Steve’s stride back to the side of the park where his students were. He took a deep breath and then turned back, trying to steady his fast beating heart.

 

~~~

 

That night, Bucky was on the phone with Clint.

“So, where am I now?”

Clint huffed. “Well, right now you’re enjoying some time in Laguna Beach.”

Bucky smiled. He had fond memories there. “Really?”

“Yup. Just tweeted a picture of the beach. You’re welcome.”

“Shut up. You’re enjoying this aren’t you?”

Clint sighed and Bucky could picture his wide smile. “Hell yeah.”

“Well, as long as you keep me busy and keep them away from Ohio, you’re still employed.”

“How generous Buck Buck.”

Bucky grimaced. “Buck Buck? What the fuck?”

“Sorry.” Then Clint let out a loud hiccup. “I’m tipsy.”

“God. Stay away from posting anything then. You gotta keep my story straight.” Bucky got up to make himself a grilled cheese sandwich.

Bucky heard a muffled sound and figured Clint dropped the phone. “Clint?”

“M’here.” Then very clearly picking up his phone. “Great! My phone is full of sand.”

“What about …our friends?” Guilt filled Bucky’s voice. He didn’t tell anyone about his plans of going off the grid. He had good friends in the business. Yet, he wanted to be free of strings. Free of worrying. He knew they’d be upset once they know but he counted on Clint to handle it.

“Don’t worry about it. Told them you were in Europe for some R & R.”

Bucky took a deep breath. “Good.”

“Listen. Yesterday I got this script—“

“No. Absolutely not.” Bucky felt his heart beat fast and his chest tighten. He gripped the counter forcefully. Acting and filming and everything that entailed it caused him depression in recent years and remembering that now might bring on his anxiety attacks.

He certainly didn’t want that now. _Was Steve even across the hall?_

“But--”

Bucky cut him off, “Stop. Just don’t. I’m not there yet.”

Clint huffed, and Bucky was able to actually listen to the waves crashing. It calmed him a bit and his breathing returned normal.

“Fine. I’m sorry. Whenever you’re ready.”

“Thanks.”

Bucky sat on the stool after getting an orange juice and started eating his sandwich.

“Since I’m being such a great friend and a greater employee…” Clint started.

“You’re acting like I don’t pay you handsomely.”

“You can make it up by giving me that redhead’s number.”

Bucky ran his hand over his face in frustration. “First of all, her name’s Nat. Second, give it up, will ya? Plus, I thought Steve was helping you.”

Clint sighed again. “Last time I texted him he said he was still trying.”

“I honestly don’t get you. Why are you so hung up on her?”

Clint was silent for few seconds then said, “She’s…Why do I have to justify myself?”

Bucky furrowed his brows. “Because you’re being weird about this whole thing.”

Clint sighed. “I like girls who are playing hard to get. She wants me. I’m sure of it.”

Bucky snorted. “I take it back. You’re not tipsy, you’re drunk. Give it up Clint. I say that with utmost sincerity.”

“I’ll give up when you admit you’ve a crush on Rogers.”

Bucky put his sandwich down. “That ain’t gonna happen Barton because I don’t have a crush on him.”

“Well, I’m not gonna stop then.”

“He’s straight you idiot. I even met his ex-girlfriend who’s gorgeous by the way.”

Clint laughed heartily and Bucky wanted to strangle him. “As if that ever stopped you.”

Bucky thought back to his old ways. Back when he first made it big nothing stopped him. “Well, I’m not like that anymore. Even if he was gay, I’d rather have his friendship than anything else.”

He believed in what he was saying to Clint. Then he realized suddenly that his new life is finally becoming bearable with Steve in it as a friend. 

“Oh my God Bucky. I can’t believe I’m hearing you say that. Is there something in the water there?”

“Fuck off Clint.”

Clint literally whined and Bucky looked at his phone then put it back to his ear. Clint continued whining and then said, “I want that woman so bad.”

Bucky just hung up on him. It took him seconds before he laughed out loud at his friend.

 

~~~

 

At five o’clock the next day Bucky found Steve waiting for him in the park with a brilliant smile that made Bucky feel light. Steve dressed casually, unlike his usual dress pants and shirts when he teaches the kids. Just a blue checkered shirt and jeans. Bucky, on the other hand, wore black jeans, a white t-shirt with a dark blue cardigan. It was nice outside but he had to hide his arm, otherwise he would’ve worn a regular t-shirt. 

“Ready?”

Bucky nodded and secured his cap over his head. He figured since he was going to wander around town, it was better to disguise himself as subtle as possible.

Steve led them across the street and headed east.

“So where’s this magical place?”

“It’s not far. Around five blocks away. Is walking okay? Or do you wanna—“

Bucky shook his head as they crossed another street. “Nah, it’s fine. I enjoy walking.”

When he turned to look at Steve, he found him looking hesitant a bit as if he wanted to say something but backed down.

“What?” Bucky asked, amused.

“Nothing.” Steve was looking down.

“Come on. You can ask me.” When Steve kept silent, Bucky added, “I know that look.”

Steve looked up with a raised brow. “Oh, so now I have a look?”

Bucky nodded and Steve bumped his shoulder. “You’re categorizing my looks now?”

A blush crept up Bucky’s cheeks and he hid it by bowing his head down, letting his hair curtain his face. “Punk!”

“Jerk.”

They crossed the third block when Steve said, “If you ever want to borrow my bike or Sam’s car, just ask. You’re welcome to them.”

When Bucky just looked at him, Steve stammered, “Um, I mean it’s because I notice you walk all the time and …”

Bucky chuckled. “Relax Steve. If I want to borrow, I’d ask. Thanks but I don’t need to.”

“Okay.”

They kept walking in silence until Bucky blurted, “I have one. A BMW.”

“The blue one parked on the side of our building?”

Bucky nodded. Steve laughed slightly. “Sam’s gonna flip. He’d been fussing over it ever since, wondering who the mysterious owner was. Wait until he knows—“

“He can have it. Clint insisted that I get one. I didn’t even choose it.” He sighed then said, “I’m not using it, nor will I ever. I...don’t drive anymore.”

He felt Steve watch him, but Bucky kept looking down as he kicked some pebbles. He was waiting for Steve to ask, but the other guy kept quiet. So Bucky looked up. “You’re not gonna ask me why?”

Steve smiled and shook his head. “If you’d wanted to, you would’ve elaborated. Yet, you didn’t. Which tells me that there’s a story there that you’re not ready to share.”

Bucky stopped and stared at him, making Steve falter in his footsteps. That was _so_ like him. Not inquisitive. Not nosy. It was very refreshing to Bucky. He always had to answer to someone, given his life under the spotlight. He was so used to his private life being out there for the public consumption that he forgot that it didn’t have to be.

“What?” Steve furrowed his brows.

Bucky sighed, huffed a laugh and walked again. “Nothing. Are we there yet?”

 

~~~

 

“Oden’s bookshelf?” Bucky muttered as he stood in front of a small store. He turned to Steve with confusion written all over his face.

Steve laughed slightly at his facial expression. “This is it. Come on.”

He squeezed Bucky’s shoulders as he guided him inside. Bucky was still not buying the store’s name. But when he got inside, he gasped, “Steve.”

“I know.”

The place was small, definitely, but it was colored with books from the ground up to the ceiling. Some were stacked on the floor for there was no space left on the shelves. The lights were soft, giving the place a sepia-toned feel. The aura of the place was such a contradiction to the outside world.

Bucky stood, not able to move an inch. He felt Steve move ahead of him. “Jane?”

There was the sound of a door opening in the back and a beautiful brunette lady came up front. “Steve!”

“Hey.”

The two hugged and Bucky’s eyes betrayed him as they searched for a ring on her finger. She was married and that relieved him. _What the hell is wrong with me?_ _Get a grip_.

“This is my friend and neighbor Bucky. Bucky, this is Jane Foster.”

“Hi, nice to meet you.”

Bucky shook her delicate hand. “Pleasure is all mine.”

Steve held Bucky’s shoulder and turned to Jane. “He’s an avid reader. You can say, a fan of the Lost Generation.”

“Oh wow! You and I both. Anything particular today?”

Bucky was still looking around when he answered, “Not really. Can I just take a look?”

“Absolutely. Just holler if you have a question.”

“Thanks.”

As he left the front of the store, he heard Jane say to Steve, “Can I talk to you about your art program?”

Bucky went to the back thrilled at the narrow spaces between the shelves. It was like the books were trying to tumble all over him. He started looking at the displayed books, forgetting the world around him. A few minutes later and Bucky found few books about the lost generation, and theater. He smiled as he started scanning other titles not being aware of where he was going when he bumped into Steve.

"Oh. Sorry."

“You found something?” Steve asked.

He took the books from Bucky, inspecting them. Bucky smiled at him, enjoying that Steve was interested in his readings.

“It’s like being in Shakespeare and company you know,” Bucky said.

They both walked back to Jane.

Steve turned to him, impressed. “You’ve been to Paris?”

Bucky cleared his throat. “Yeah. Went there on a business trip and I couldn’t help but visit that place.” He didn’t have to elaborate and say that he was shooting an independent film.

Nope. No need.

Excitement colored Steve’s face. “Wow. I’ve never been there.”

Bucky touched his shoulder. “Oh man. You of all people should go there. I mean…the art alone!”

“Tell me about it,” he said rolling his eyes as he held a book he chose about the history of paintings in The Louvre.

“You got me there,” Jane said, joining their conversation. “Went on my honeymoon there and visited that pretty little bookstore. I was like…hey I could do that. Except of course, I mean that one had history.”

Bucky smiled and watched as Steve handed the books to her. “When do you close? I might stop regularly…”

Jane smiled. “Take all the time you need. We close at 10. Plus, we have a borrowing policy that’s a year long.”

“That’s very generous.” He took the bag from her after she ringed them and Steve opted to hold his book without the bag.

“Nice to meet you.”

“My pleasure. Any friend of Steve’s is a friend of mine,” she said, winking at him.

_Of course he’d be friends with everyone_ , Bucky thought.

He looked at Steve who was blushing and fidgeting. Bucky realized at this point that his neighbor couldn’t handle a compliment at all. Probably thought he didn’t deserve it. He wanted to put him out of his misery but he enjoyed the blush on his friend’s face. It was mesmerizing with those long lashes of him as he cast his eyes down.

Bucky smirked and put his arm around Steve’s neck, tugging him lightly. “What can I say? I’m the luckiest guy in the world.”

Steve apparently read into it and chuckled, jabbing him in the side. “Jerk!”

“Punk!”

Jane just laughed and wished them a good day. The two left with Bucky promising her he’d annoy her in the future.

“Any other great places? Although, I don’t think anything could top that,” Bucky said, smiling and looking back at the little place.

“You hungry? There’s this great diner you should try,” Steve replied while walking backwards, his hands in his pockets.

Bucky almost laughed at his childish excitement. He waved his arm his way. “Lead the way.”

 

~~

 

When they settled in a far away booth, Bucky let Steve order for him since he knew what was best. Steve ended up ordering the same for both of them. The order was grilled cheeseburger, fries and a chocolate milkshake.

“That’s not out of the norm,” Bucky said.

Steve handed the waitress back the menus. “Oh, but the taste my friend. It’s different. Trust me.”

“I do actually,” Bucky admitted it sincerely while playing with the napkin dispenser. He gazed at Steve who didn’t remark and just smiled back.

Bucky broke the gaze and put his hand back on his lap. The day’s events played back in his head and he couldn’t stand how awfully refreshing it was with Steve. He was kind and generous toward him. He’d been open all along. He felt his heart swell and couldn’t not share anything with him. He wanted to tell him everything. He wanted to tell him that he was James Barnes, an actor escaping the limelight and a semi-failed career.

Bucky opened his mouth to say all that. But he stopped. Steve was checking his phone and Bucky was glad he wasn’t witnessing the hesitant look on his face.

Maybe he could start step by step.

“It was a car accident.”

“Hm?” Steve put away his phone and looked up.

Bucky raised his metal arm, waving his gloved hand. “I lost my arm in a car accident a year and a half ago. I haven’t driven a car since.”

He stole a glance toward Steve who’s eyes were kind. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. I brought to myself. I …I was in a dark place. My career wasn’t…going in the right direction. Or the way I wanted it to go. You can say that I got mild depression because of that and…well, the kind of lifestyle my career demanded contributed to that too.”

The waitress showed up with their milkshakes, adding two glasses of water. He sipped some water and welcomed it. Steve waited and didn’t say anything. So, Bucky continued, “It was late at night. I had left home to go to a party. Clint insisted that I attend, but as I drove there, I changed course and wanted to just drive around. I was lost in my own head that I didn’t see the car coming around the curve. I was going so fast that I couldn’t…I swerved but ended up crashing my side to their tail. Then my car flipped twice before …”

“God Bucky,” Steve whispered.

Bucky touched his own left shoulder. Steve then added, “Bucky you don’t have to—”

He took a deep breath to try to expand his tightened chest. “Miraculously, it flipped twice. But my arm was pretty much damaged. It felt like it was welded to the door. Oh and I’m surprised I’m not paralyzed to be honest.”

He let out his breath. “The other car. I mean the driver—a mom—was smart enough to avoid fully crashing into me. But I still collided with them.”

There was a quiet moment between them. The both of them could hear the shout of the cook and a couple behind them giving out their order. Yet, he could hear the faint wailing of the mother. He could still smell the fuel, the pain and the air that night.

“That’s why you didn’t want to go back to bed that night.” Steve’s kind voice brought him back.

Bucky nodded. “It was a young mother and her two boys. They were okay except for some bruises. I’m glad those kids were all right though. If something had happened—”

His voice broke and Steve leaned over the table and covered Bucky's hand with his warm one.

“Hey Bucky?”

Bucky felt like choking. He didn’t want to cry but felt the tears stinging his eyes. He looked up and Steve said, “They’re all right. You’re okay.”

Not trusting himself talking further, Bucky just nodded. The waitress showed up with her wide smile. “Here are your orders gentlemen.”

“Thanks,” Steve replied.

Bucky tried to get those memories out of his head but the mother’s cries—

“Hey Bucky?”

Bucky looked up to find Steve’s blue eyes. Those baby blues. “Hm?”

Steve had the most beautiful smile. Bucky felt calmer.

“Tell me about Paris.”

 

~~           

 

By the time they finished their dinner, Bucky had told him all things Paris. He enjoyed Steve's eager face when he described the Louvre. How the paintings were out of this world. How it felt to see the Mona Lisa for the first time. Steve laughed when Bucky recounted how Clint fell in one of the fountains while on the phone.

He talked about the busy cafes, and the glimmering streets at night seen from his hotel room. He recounted one night when he walked from his hotel to the Eiffel tower at night all alone. It was magical and he held it in his heart dearly because it was calming. Of course he didn't tell Steve why he loved that night. It was because he was a nobody that night. Just a tourist. Not James Barnes. He didn't tell him that when he gazed at the tower from underneath, he wished that someone was with him. Someone who was in love with him.

Paris did that to him in the times he'd been there. As much as he loved it there, it made him feel lonely.

The walk to their building was relaxing. Bucky was telling him how the language barrier was traumatizing for Clint who was the smooth talker out of the two of them. He and Bucky were attached at the hip.

That stopped Steve in the middle of the sidewalk. “Wait, so you speak French?”

“Fluently,” Bucky said with pride. If there was anything he was proud of, it was his prowess at language learning.

Steve grinned. “Oh my God! Now you have to say something French to me. I’m not talking ‘hi’ or ‘how are you’. I want like a phrase or something.”

"Um what do you want me to say?"  
  
"Anything. I like hearing different languages. It amazes me."

They were still standing in the middle of the sidewalk and Bucky could see their building from there. He took a deep breath and tried to think of something. He tried thinking of something trivial. Then his eyes fell on Steve’s and he held still. Holding his gaze and not wavering, he found himself forming the words in his mind easily.

Bucky spoke softly. “ _Nos jours dans le parc sont mes préférés. Parfois, je me trouve se réveiller juste pour voir votre visage. Cela me fait peur._ ” (Our days at the park are my favorite. Sometimes I find myself waking up just to see your face. That scares me _._ )

He wasn't planning on saying that. He surprised himself. But he figured he’d hide behind the foreign tongue. Plus, where was the harm, right?

There was stillness in the air and he noticed how he was holding his breath. Steve just looked at him in fascination and looked somewhat in awe. Steve cleared his throat. “Um wow.”

Bucky feared for that he'd understood. His heart rate increased rapidly. But then Steve shook his head as if to clear it and then furrowed his brows. “What does that mean?"  
  
And Bucky let out the breath he was holding and put on his poker face, outright lying. "Today was a very productive day and I can't wait to read these. I’m excited."   
  
Steve nodded and smiled softly. They resumed walking. "It sounded so much better in French I can tell ya that."  
  
Bucky laughed nervously. “You have not idea.”

 

~~~

 

The next two days Bucky decided to stay in and do some readings. By the third day, he was on the second book when his phone rang. He smiled widely when he saw Steve’s name flashing.

“Hey. What’s up?”

His smile vanished when he heard the worry in the other man’s voice. “Bucky! Where are you?”

He sat up and put his book away. “I’m at home. You okay? You sound off.”

Steve sighed. “Good. Listen, whatever you do, don’t open your door till I get there.”

“What? Why?” Bucky got up and looked around. Were there paparazzi? Did Steve figure it out?

“I was getting groceries with Nat when she got upset all of a sudden after reading her e-mail. She stormed off.”

“Uh—”

“I have a pretty solid hunch that she’s heading your way. I have a feeling it’s about Clint. He--”

There was a consistent loud banging on his door. Bucky walked toward it and interrupted Steve, “I think she’s at my door.”

“Bucky. Trust me. Don’t open the door. I’m on my way now. Very close to our building.”

Bucky laughed. “Don’t be ridiculous. What’s she gonna do? Kill me?”

“Well…you don’t know Nat. She’s always calm and composed but when she gets upset or her buttons are pushed—”

He unlocked the door. “Relax Steve. I’m sure it’s not that—”

Bucky realized that he made a huge mistake of opening the door and immediately regretted not waiting for Steve.

He couldn’t hear what Steve was saying for a bolt of a body almost toppled him. Sharp-nailed fingers grabbed his lapels and pushed him all the way inside the apartment. His phone dropped with the impact and he let out a grunt as his back hit the wall. The framed pictures on the wall rattled. When he opened his eyes and let out a whoosh of breath, he saw an angry red-haired woman staring daggers at him.

If looks could kill.

He couldn’t or didn’t know what to say but he sure did underestimate her.

“Okay, calm—”

She shoved him again and hissed, “No. _You're_ gonna listen to me.”

Nat pointed a finger at him and he furrowed his brows. “Tell that Clint of yours to back off or else.”

Bucky thought that it was too drastic of her to get that riled up. Yet, he tried to tread lightly. “In my defense, I told him you wouldn’t be available. But don’t you think you’re being too extreme and violent—might I say—just because he’s asking for your number?”

Nat gave him a smirk but Bucky shivered at how feral it was. “You think I’m being extreme?”

He started to get scared. “I—”

“Nat!”

Steve’s voice came from the still wide open door of his apartment. Bucky was immensely glad he was there. However, her hold tightened and he felt like choking. His eyes caught Steve barging in, dropping his grocery bag on the floor near them and then trying to yank her off of him. His voice was gentle as his hands enclosed on hers. “Nat. Come on. You know he had nothing to do with it.”

Bucky nodded and said, “I’m not his guardian. Plus, I can’t control him.”

Steve shook his head at him, trying to tell him with one look to stop and that his snark remarks weren't helping. Nat pointed her finger at him again and then let go. Bucky took deep breaths and Steve stood between them, his hands out. Bucky was so glad for that, to be blocked from her violent advances. He hid behind Steve’s broad back.

Nat’s piercing green eyes never wavered from Bucky’s face. “I’ve been generous this whole time but even I have limits.”

Bucky couldn’t stop himself. “You don’t say.”

She took a step toward him and he held on Steve’s t-shirt tightly, ducking half his face. Steve glanced back at him in reprimand and Bucky just shrugged. 

Nat then smirked and put her hands on her hips. “If your Clint continues those shenanigans of his, I’ll find him. Then I’ll kill him and deliver his body parts to you or scatter them all across the States. But I think you receiving them would be much more fun.”

Steve sighed. “Nat.”

She walked back to leave but turned one more time. This time Bucky knew that she was actually deadly serious. “Warn him or I’ll take the necessary procedures.”

Bucky believed she’d do that without blinking an eye. He gulped after she stormed off, almost breaking the door as she slammed it shut behind her. The only sound left was Steve’s loud breathing--apparently he ran his way here--and Bucky's soft cursing.

Bucky looked at Steve. “Wow. What exactly did my stupid friend do?”

Steve ran his hand through his hair, his other hand on his hip. “I don’t know the whole story but she told me today all about it. There were flowers being delivered to her place. And then to her work. I mean…I know she’s a lawyer, but even I don’t know where she works and I’m a close friend.”

“How is she sure it was him?” Bucky asked as he found himself rubbing his collarbones.

Steve winced. “Cards and everything.”

Bucky closed his eyes. “Fuck! I told him to give it up. I was on the phone with him recently.”

He quickly picked his phone off the floor and dialed Clint. There was no answer. “Voice mail.”

Steve sat on the stool by the counter. “I tried telling him before but he insisted. I didn’t know she’d get that upset or for him to cross the line.”

Bucky growled. “He didn’t just cross them because that would entail him recognizing them in the first place. He has no boundaries.”

He dialed again and left a message. “Hey creep. Call me ASAP. You hear? As much as you annoy me, I don’t want you dead.”

He put his phone back in his pocket and went to his fridge. “Water?”

Steve wiped his face with his hands. “Sure.”

Bucky gulped and shivered when remembered her angry eyes.

“You know Nat is not usually like this. She’s really lovely,” Steve said.

Bucky waited, looked at Steve pointedly, and then burst out laughing. Steve joined him. Bucky spread his hands on the counter and shook his head. “I mean what the hell was he thinking? Can’t he get a hint? You told him she refused, right?”

“Yes!”

“He’s an asshole. LA girls are all over him and he stalks this one. On the other side of the continent. Don’t get me wrong, she’s gorgeous but they barely had a conversation and he saw her only once. Once! Plus, he shouldn’t pursue it since she'd already rejected him.”

He sighed and poured himself another glass of cold water. When he looked up, Steve was lost in thought. “What?” Bucky asked.

Steve looked like he was concentrating on what to say. “Maybe…” Steve paused for few seconds.

Bucky waited and then Steve continued, “Maybe it was love at first sight for him.”

Bucky’s eyebrows almost reached his hairline. “Are you kidding me?”

Steve chuckled. “What?”

“Love at first sight? Pff. No, no. Attraction, sure. Lust, why not? But love at first sight? There’s no such thing.”

As soon as he said it, he noticed that Steve had that look. That far away look he started noticing on him from time to time. He was playing with the glass and Bucky realized what he had said. “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make fun of you if you believe in that sort of thing.”

Steve smiled and looked up. “You didn’t. It’s your point of view. I respect that.”

“So that means you do?” Bucky asked softly.

“Do what?” Steve asked as he took a sip.

Bucky gulped, his hands white gripping the counter. “Believe in love at first sight?” 

Steve looked away for seconds and Bucky found himself remembering their first meeting, remembering Steve's face. His heart skipped a beat.

Then Steve faced Bucky. He was about to answer when Bucky’s phone rang.

Bucky jerked. “Shit! Sorry.”

He looked at the screen. “It’s Clint.”

“I’ll go then. Gotta put these away.” Steve pointed at his grocery bag.

Bucky nodded his way, his heart wanting to know the answer to his question but he guessed he'd never know now. The moment was gone. How would he bring up that question again?

“Thanks for saving my life.”

Steve was about to close the door behind him when he peaked inside. He gave Bucky a soft smile. “Anytime Buck.”

When the door closed, Bucky let out a loud breath and loosened his limps, shaking them. “Fuck.”

Then he answered his phone. “Hey stalker. I think you should look over your shoulder from now on.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks a ton for reading. 
> 
> You're comments and kudos are highly appreciated.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky and Steve finally share a moment or two.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't claim that I know about the educational system, so forgive me. All mistakes are mine.

 

 

The TV was off and his eyes were fixed on it as he did his push-ups. Bucky hadn’t turned it on ever since he got here. All he needed was his cell phone to receive and send e-mails to Clint or his family. Even his laptop was still under the coffee table.

His muscles burned; his legs and arms ached as he continued his push-ups. The sweat ran all over the planes of his back and chest. Clint had sent him some instructions by Stark and Banner that stated that he needed to do all sorts of exercise to maintain the muscle mass or the arm would be useless. Apparently running only won’t do.

_Forty-eight, forty-nine, fifty…_

The knock interrupted him and he slumped back on the floor. Taking a deep breath, he got up, and wiped his hands on his sweat pants. He breathed heavily and looked at the clock. It was 12 at noon.

_Who’d come at this hour?_

It won’t be Steve or Sam for sure because they’d be at school now. He wiped his forehead and walked to the door, opening it widely, forgetting his state.

He froze at the sight. Steve was standing there, but not alone. There were…kids. Four little children and two teenagers. All were looking excited but stilled when they saw him. His eyes darted to Steve.

“Good afternoon sir. We won’t take a lot of your time.”

 _What the hell?_ He thought.

But the whispers of the teenage girls and Steve’s raised brow reminded him that he was half naked. He cursed softly, closed the door and hurried to wear the hoodie he left on the side of the couch. He was immensely glad that his metal left arm was shielded behind the door; otherwise, he’d be the talk of town.

He opened the door again and smiled. “Hi.”

“We’d like to tell you sir a bit about our fundraiser,” Steve started then nudged the little boy standing next to him who kept looking at Bucky in awe. Then the boy stammered as he spoke about how they needed the money for their after school art program.

“They’re very expensive sir. Art supplies, you know.”

Bucky frowned and looked at Steve who maintained a very professional look about him. So, he cleared his throat and crouched to the little kid’s eye-level. “I’m sorry about that. But tell you what. I’d love to help,” then his eyes sought Steve’s. “In any way I can.”

He smiled when he noticed Steve blushing a bit.

 _Suits him right for acting like a stranger_ , Bucky mused to himself.

Bucky took the flyer and stood up after ruffling the kid’s hair. His eyes scanned the paper quickly then looked at Steve.

“So do you guys accept cash or check?”

The teenage kid in the back answered him, “Either of them, sir. Thanks for you cooperation.”

Bucky watched as Steve looked proudly at the kid.

“All right. I’ll do that. I wish you all good luck. You too Mr…” Bucky tried not to smirk as he extended his hand to Steve.

There was a moment where Steve almost broke character but held it together and shook Bucky’s hand. “Steve Rogers.”

“You look familiar. Have we met before?” Bucky tried his best not to break out in laughter.

Steve’s eyes twinkled and he smirked. “Nope. I’m afraid not.”

Bucky was so close to continue taunting him when he realized that there were so many eyes watching their exchange. He cleared his throat and thanked them. They all thanked him in return and he closed the door.

Five minutes later and there was a quick insistent knock on his door. He opened it, eyes still on the flyer.

It was Steve. “You’re a jerk, you know that?”

Bucky leaned on the door and shook his head smiling. “And you’re a punk.”

Steve looked down the stairs and then back. “I’m sorry but I had to pretend so they won’t know I live here. The last thing I’d want is for my students to know where I live.”

Bucky chuckled. “I’m sorry too but I couldn’t help it man. Your face was priceless.”

Then he received a painful punch to his shoulder. “Ow!”

“Suits you right.” Steve folded his arms across his chest looking so pleased with what he did.

Bucky rubbed his assaulted shoulder. “Okay, okay. Sorry but I’m not sorry.”

Steve chuckled and Bucky held up the flyer. “What’s the deal? I thought everything was going great.”

Steve sighed and a sad looked passed his face. Bucky didn’t like that. _At all._

“The school decided that it was too expensive to carry out our art program, so they shut it down.”

“What?” Bucky asked softly.

“Yeah. That’s why we’re trying to raise some funds for it. It’s a really great cause if you’d like to—“

“Of course I will.” Bucky’s voice was determined. “You don’t need to ask me twice. I just … wish you’d told me before.”

Steve cast his eyes down, his hands playing with the papers. “Uh…didn’t wanna bother you…”

“Steve. I’ve been watching those kids for the past three weeks--”

“I know, I know. I’m sorry. I thought I shouldn’t bother you with my work.”

Bucky huffed. “Don’t. I like your work. It’s interesting.”

Steve looked up and smiled at him. Bucky smiled back then raised the paper. “So, is cash okay?”

“Sure. You can donate anytime. Neighbor.”

Then he was walking toward the stairs when Bucky stepped outside in the hall. “Oh, so now I’m your neighbor.”

Steve winked and descended the stairs. “See you later Buck.”

Bucky leaned over the banister. “Punk!”

He strained his ears and there was nothing. When he turned his back, Steve’s voice reached him “Jerk.”

Bucky got inside, laughing. But as soon as he settled in, flyer on the table, he took a deep breath and folded his hands under his chin. Minutes later, he texted Clint.

**_Cash or check?_ **

**_Cash._ **

**_But…what if it’s a huge amount?_ **

**_Still cash._ **

Then seconds later, Clint texts again. **_Wait, what r we talking about?_**

**_Fundraiser_ **

**_Oh definitely cash Bucky._ **

Bucky let out a loud sigh and rested his back on the couch. “Damn it.”

 

~~~

 

The next day Bucky found himself standing outside the bank. He gulped as he went in, praying that whoever was going to help him would be really old. Old to the point they won’t recognize his face.

It was a risk. A huge one for him. He’d been playing all scenarios in his head the previous night. They would ask for his name and he’d recently shaved and...

But then he would remember Steve.

Steve and his art program. The program he’d worked on for more than three months, long before Bucky came to town. He couldn’t let him down.

He gulped, rubbed his face with his trembling hands and then headed inside, reminding himself that he was doing it for a great cause. He wasn’t _not_ going to help Steve just because he was paranoid.

 _I’m a has-been for God’s sake_ , he thought.

As soon as he got inside the bank, he took another deep breath and headed toward--he couldn’t help himself--the oldest teller. Then he put on his acting face and hid the fact that he was nervous. The last thing he wanted was for them to be suspicious of him. He was here to withdraw money and leave. Bucky broke out his charm as soon as he realized there was no recognition in her face or after taking his card.

Mission accomplished.

 

~~~

 

Two days later, around 7:00 pm, Bucky entered his apartment carrying out bags of groceries. After he put everything away, he got the heavy envelope with the money and headed to Steve’s. He was a bit giddy since he missed seeing him for the past two days. Deep down Bucky knew he shouldn’t be feeling that. But he couldn’t help it. He felt exhilarated at the prospect of helping Steve out.

He didn’t even bother to put on his shoes and instead padded his way there in black socks. Knocking on the door, he prepared himself for Steve’s reaction to his donation. Hopefully, with the amount he withdrew, it wouldn’t be a problem not having a check instead.

Sam greeted him, “Well, what do ya know? The Buckster is here.”

Bucky grimaced. “What’s with the nickname?”

Sam shrugged. “Don’t know man. Just came out I guess.”

Then he opened the door wide, beckoning Bucky to come in. When Bucky walked inside, he turned and said, “Well, please think of something else.”

“I’ll let you know.”

Bucky looked around and it looked quiet. “Is Steve around?”

“Uh, you just missed him. He’s with Sharon.”

Bucky’s heart clenched. He stilled for few seconds before whispering, “Sharon?”

“Yeah,” Sam answered, narrowing his eyes at him.

“Oh.”

He cast his eyes down, his fingers pressing the envelope much harder than necessary, as if the money inside would fly away if he didn’t hold on. So, Sharon and Steve. _Of course_. They probably got back together. Part of him wanted to laugh at himself for feeling that. Feeling that disappointment. He realized at that moment that he was stupid enough to entertain the idea that Steve might stay single forever…or might just swing his way.

What was he thinking?

Sam’s voice brought him back from the scenarios that were playing in his head.

“He went to help Sharon at the bar. Something about a shipment or I don’t know.”

It still didn’t change anything. At that moment, reality hit him. The fact that he was there, right now with Sharon, a beautiful ex-girlfriend of his…

He pursed his lips, nodded and then looked up. He was met with a strange look on Sam’s face. It was unreadable.

“Um,” Bucky cleared his throat. “Okay. Well, I just wanted to give him my donation to his art program,” Bucky said as he motioned to the envelope in his hand. “Would you give it to him for me?”

Sam shook his head and folded his muscled arms across his chest. “Nah man. You can give it to him yourself. He’s not gonna be long.”

Bucky rubbed his forehead. “Uh, I've got stuff to do—“

“Man, just hang out here till he returns,” Sam countered. “He’s just helping her out.” Then he added gently, “They’re not back together.”

Bucky furrowed his brows. He couldn’t help but gulp. “What?”

Sam chuckled and slapped his giant hand on Bucky’s shoulder. “I’m saying that he won’t be long.”

Bucky let out a long breath. He thought for a second that Sam had some sort of suspicion about his feelings toward Steve. That he was trying to…gauge his reaction?

 _Wait, I don’t have feelings for Steve_ , he thought. _Just a crush. A stupid one at that_.

Sam sat Bucky down. “Let me introduce you to Mario Kart.”

“Urgh! I told you Sam. I don’t like playing video games.”

Sam gave him a dark look and Bucky straightened up. “I’m gonna grab us beers and chips. Be right back.”

Bucky started to protest then sighed. “Oh, what the hell…”

He put the envelope in the center of the coffee table. He inhaled deeply and looked around. His eyes fell on the empty spot of where the canvases used to be. Sam came back and he turned to him, asking, “Did he finally hang them somewhere?”

Sam had a questioning look on his face, then Bucky motioned with his hand to the empty space by the wall. Sam smiled. “Oh, those. No, they’re in his room. He actually stopped painting ever since…”

Bucky waited but Sam halted when he put the bowl of chips and beers on the table. He wasn’t looking at Bucky.

“Since…what?”

Sam shook his head. “Since that last one of Nat.”

“Why?”

“Don’t know,” Sam answered not looking Bucky’s way. “Ever thought of talking to him about it? ‘Cause I actually gave up.”

Bucky blushed and then watched as Sam set up the Wii controllers. “Um, he doesn’t know that I saw them.”

“Try asking him.”

“You know what? I think I will. Hell, I spent the last few weeks watching those kids and how he works with them. Least I could do is ask the man himself about his talent.”

“Let’s start playing man.”

He sat down and grabbed a beer. Sam handed him his controller. “Come on. Let me beat your ass.”

“Just because I never played it, doesn’t mean I won’t beat you. Remember the darts?” Bucky smirked.

“Oh, you’re going there?” Sam raised his brow at him.

“Damn right.” Bucky smirked as he held the controller.

“Well, good luck ‘cause this is totally different. Buckle up!”

 

~~~

 

Two hours later and Bucky was back in his place. He rubbed his fingers together. He’d played so hard to the point of shouting and shoving each other aside. He rubbed his temples and then took off his shirt. He needed a hot shower.

He had waited for Steve but he never showed up. Bucky felt he had overstayed his welcome and thanked Sam for the fun gaming night and reminded him to give Steve the money.

He shivered a bit as he got out of the bathroom. Dropping his towel, he walked to his bed and retrieved freshly washed boxers, sweat pants and dried his metal arm again. It still baffled him how it was water resistant.

He grabbed a white t-shirt and lay on his bed. He huffed as he tried to sleep. Then he grabbed one of the books he just borrowed and started reading.

After an hour, his eyes couldn’t stay open. He ended up sleeping with the book on his face.

 

An annoying persistent noise woke him up. It infiltrated his dreams and he thought it would go away, but it didn’t. He moved around and found the book was on his face. Moving it away and dropping it aside, he sat up. He rubbed his face and listened again.

It was the door.

“Shit,” he muttered.

The time indicated it was around midnight.

It continued. Three knocks, pause and then three knocks again. He wondered who could it be and in his haze of sleep, he couldn’t comprehend that he was heading to open the door in the middle of the night. All he thought about was going back to bed.

He padded barefoot and didn’t bother with saying anything and just opened the door.

Steve quickly brushed past him and walked till the middle of the living room. Bucky blinked twice, looked outside then back at Steve. Closing the door, he turned and saw his friend.

He looked upset, almost livid.

Bucky studied his state before trying to say anything. Steve looked like he just came back from the bar. Bucky’s traitorous brain supplied, _from his time with Sharon_. He was wearing his leather jacket over a black t-shirt. He had his hands on his hips and his forehead creased with …worry.

“Steve? What’s the matter? Something wrong?”

“You tell me,” Steve answered in a clipped tone.

Bucky stood where he was and was a bit surprised with his demeanor. “Um…”

Then Steve threw the envelope on the coffee table.

“Oh, that?” Bucky tried to sound as truthful as possible. “Listen, I ran out of checkbooks, so I thought I’d just withdraw money. I mean…I want to be an anonymous contributor—“

“Bucky! It’s not the form of donation I’m concerned about.”

Bucky furrowed his brows. “Then I’m not following you.”

Steve huffed and pointed at the coffee table. “It’s the amount!”

Bucky tried to clear his head. He couldn’t understand. “Steve. Either I’m still foggy from sleep or you’re not making any sense.”

Steve ran a hand over his clearly tired face. “Ten grand Bucky. Ten grand!”

Bucky looked dumbfounded. “Um…yeah?”

Steve threw his hands up. “Really? That’s it? That’s all you’re gonna say?”

Bucky rubbed his face with both hands. “I’m sorry but I don’t know what you want me to say.”

Steve paced, and Bucky suddenly realized a horrible thought. “Wait…you think I stole it?”

Steve stopped and whirled around. “What? No, of course not! Why the hell would you think that?”

“Oh, I don’t know. You wake me up in the middle of the night, not being clear in any way—“

“Why ten?”

Bucky raised his brow. “Excuse me?”

“So far we’ve raised three-hundred and fifty dollars and it’s been only a week and you come here with ten grand. We might as well stop.”

Steve looked exasperated. And Bucky was baffled which prompted him to say, “So stop! Stop if that’s what you want. Plus, ten grand is nothing to me if you’re worried about me going broke.”

Steve gave him a look and Bucky cringed. “Wait. That came out wrong. God.”

 _Great, now he thinks I’m a show-off_ , he thought.

Bucky walked up to him and put his hands on his shoulders. Steve was really tense. “Tell me what’s really bothering you about this?”

Steve deflated a bit and moved away. “I just wanna make sure you’re doing it for the right reasons.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean…I don’t want you to think you owe me anything, you know...”

Bucky didn’t see that coming. He huffed and stepped back. “Oh, you’re so full of yourself.”

“What?”

This time Bucky was the one fuming. “You think I’m doing this as a repayment? I spent the past few weeks watching you teach those eager kids and how they enjoyed every part of the program. I saw how hard you were working on it. So excuse me for wanting to help make it continue to go on.”

He let out a breath and then headed to the kitchen to drink water. Cold one. He couldn’t help but add, “And it’s not my fault that I’m with money.”

He winced inwardly at his own comment but he was so upset of Steve’s assumption and at the same time he didn’t want to be. The last thing he wanted was to be cross with him.

“Bucky?” Steve’s soft voice reached him. He closed the fridge and turned. The counter separating them. His heart clenched at the hurt and remorseful look on Steve’s face.

“I’m sorry,” Steve started. “I just—“

Bucky immediately resigned. “It’s okay.”

Steve spread his hands on the counter. “No. I just—I guess the huge amount scared me.”

Bucky didn’t say anything else. Steve sighed. “I couldn’t go to sleep without making sure that this huge amount is _for_ the program.”

Bucky took a deep breath and said gently, “Listen Steve. I’ve done this before. I’m a member of many foundations, and I’ve donated to many causes. I know how to deal with this. This is how it works. I’ve seen those kids. It’s like it’s their happiest moment when they work with you.”

“Yeah. I know,” he said softly.

Then he dropped his head on the counter sighing. Bucky gave him few seconds before going around the counter and sitting next to him. He hesitated but finally he succumbed and put his hand on Steve’s back, trying to soothe him.

“It’s gonna be okay.”

Steve huffed and then said, “I hope so. Our only funding sources were the school and parents sometimes. But the school kinda blinded me when they suddenly said there’s no budget whatsoever and that there was no need for such a program. It’s like pulling the rug from under me.”

Bucky started rubbing his back soothingly and unconsciously. Few minutes of silence and then Steve turned his face toward Bucky, head pillowed by his arms and a soft smile decorated his face. “And then you came along.”

Bucky felt his chest tighten at the sincerity in his voice. He tried to breathe normally at the look he was getting from Steve and ended up huffing out a nervous laugh. “I’m just doing my part. I’m sure if you continue your fundraiser, you’d get more money and support.”

Steve looked at him lazily and then patted the envelope. “I could do so many things with this. Get so many supplies. Hell, I could rent a studio.”

“There you go.”

Bucky couldn’t handle his dreamy eyes, so he withdrew his hand that resided between his shoulder blades. “Well, I’m glad you’re back to your senses Rogers.”

Steve laughed, picked himself up and stood when Bucky did the same. “Thanks Buck. For your support…uh…I really appreciate it.”

“Don’t mention it.”

Then Steve surprised Bucky by pulling him into a tight hug. It took Bucky seconds before he moved his arms and circled them around Steve’s big frame. They only hugged once, when he won the darts challenge and that was a victory hug. It wasn’t like this. So, Bucky took this as his only chance to enjoy the warmth of him.

He got away with sniffing the nape of Steve’s neck and got goosebumps when he felt Steve’s hand rubbing the nape of his neck, his fingers tangling in his hair. It was just for a fleeting moment. It felt like Steve realized he had made a mistake and withdrew his hand quickly. Bucky was surprised at the powerful emotions surging through him and he couldn’t handle it. So, he gave Steve two strong pats on his back and backed away.

He definitely didn’t expect the look in Steve’s eyes. There was so much warmth and something else he couldn’t decipher but stilled him nonetheless.

Steve broke the silence that befell them. “I’ll see you around.”

With a soft voice, Bucky said, “Yeah. Go get some sleep.”

Steve chuckled, patted Bucky’s shoulder as he passed him to the door. After closing the door softly behind him, Bucky dropped his head in his hands and let out a long sigh.

“I’m so fucked!”

When he looked around his empty semi-dark place, he muttered, “Damn you Clint Barton.”

 

~~~

 

The very next day, Clint called, waking Bucky from a very needed sleep.

“What?” grumbled Bucky.

“Please tell me you’re still not in bed?”

“I am. Hence my irritation.”

“It’s noon Bucky!”

“I went to sleep late.” He didn’t have to tell about Steve’s visit last night.

But Clint, of course, went there. “Late night with your boy?”

Bucky dropped back on his bed, his hand in his hair. “I’m hanging up. It’s too early for your shit.”

“No, no, no!” Clint laughed then said, “You’re late for your follow-up. I’m already there.”

He sat up quick, giving himself a headrush. He stilled for seconds and then spoke, “What follow-up?”

“Oh God Bucky. I knew you’d forget. It’s your appointment with Stark. It’s tomorrow. I’m already in New York.”

“Shit! Shit!”

“Your flight should depart this evening.”

“Why the hell didn’t you remind me?” Bucky hissed and fell out of bed in his hurry to get to the bathroom.

“I sent you a text. Don’t you—“

He cut him off. “Coming. Send me everything.”

He jumped into the shower and had the quickest one ever. Then he grabbed a fresh white t-shirt and black jeans. He hopped as he tried to get his boots on while looking for his duffel bag. When he found it, he filled it with an extra shirt and sweat pants just in case. He was almost out the door when he remembered his jacket.

“Shit!” he was going to walk down the streets with his metal arm. He wore it, wiped his still wet hair out of his face and wore the glove on his hand.

When he was at the top of the stairs, he looked at Steve and Sam’s door. He wished he could bid them farewell but knew they were in school. He decided to send Steve a text when he gets to New York. When he got outside the building, he smiled as he saw that there was already a cab waiting for him. It was times like these that he was amazed at how good Clint was at his job.

 

~~~

 

He didn’t expect to actually see Clint waiting for him at the airport. He smiled widely. “What the hell are you doing here?”

Bucky gave his friend a tight hug. Clint embraced him but then tried to wiggle free. “Urgh! Buddy, I need my lungs.”

Bucky held him at arm’s length. “You said you were there at Stark’s.”

Clint ushered him out the airport and Bucky breathed the city’s air. So familiar.

"Had to spend a few days here prior. Spend some time with Stark."  
   
Bucky frowned. He didn’t expect that. "Why?"  
   
"We're friends Bucky. You’re not my only one you know," he said, avoiding him.  
   
Bucky was going to ask since when, but opted to let it go. "Don’t worry, you're not hurting my feelings." Bucky smirked.  
   
"Of course not.” Clint put Bucky’s duffel bag in the back and walked around the car to drive. He looked at Bucky over the hood of the car and winked. “You got your Ohio boy now."  
   
"Shut up." As soon as Clint drove away, Bucky quickly sent a text to Steve.  
   
**_Hey, had to fly to NYC. Be back tomorrow._**

Bucky held his phone in a tight grip as he tried not to check every few seconds. Ten minutes later and his phone vibrate.

 

 ** _Everything all right?_ ** **  
  
**

**_Yeah. Just a follow-up for my arm._ ** **  
  
**

**_Oh ok. Good luck._** **  
**    
Ten seconds later, he received another text from Steve.

 **_Keep me updated?_ ** **  
  
**

Bucky’s heart fluttered at the interest Steve was showing. Steve was being a good friend and Bucky didn’t want to read into it. Nonetheless, it felt good. He hoped to God Clint wasn’t looking his way. He’d find him smiling stupidly.

 

**_Sure_ **

 

~~~

  
Tony Stark sauntered in the room, his arms flailing as he entered the lab. "Welcome again to my humble abode."  
   
He slapped Clint on the back and Bucky extended his hand.

"Don't worry. No fever this time." And he dared to wink at Bucky.  
   
Bucky pursed his lips and took his hand back. He bit back a jab and decided that this man was going to check on his arm today. He shouldn’t bicker with him. "I hope not."  
   
"Well, Banner is not here yet. So, in the meantime, let me show you the new arm."  
   
"Wait." Bucky followed them. "New arm? I thought this is just a follow-up. Like checking if it's still working properly or--"  
   
"Didn't my friend Hawkeye here tell ya?"  
   
Bucky turned to him, disbelieving that he did it again. But Clint immediately raised his hands. "Listen, he just told me this morning. I didn't know."  
   
Bucky resigned and let out a long breath. Tony noticed his disgruntled face. "Don't worry. It'll take just two hours or three, maximum. Less than last time."  
   
They stepped into the same room and Bucky sat on the chair with a heavy heart. He remembered the first time.  
   
"We don't have to if you don't really want to," Tony said, looking at him softly. Then he added, "But the one I engineered recently is totally advanced. Very light, won’t bother the stump, and the sensory is very ...how can I say this in plain English for you guys? Hmm…"  
   
Bucky gave him the stink eye and then stole a glance at Clint who just shrugged. "Let's just say, it's gonna be exactly like your right one, without the color of course."  
   
He brought it out and Bucky touched it. "Lift it. Feel the weight."  
   
“Nah, I’m good.”

“I’m here. Sorry I’m late,” a voice called behind them.

Bucky glanced around Stark and found Dr. Banner. He smiled his way and Bucky couldn’t help but return it. There was something genuine about him.

A hand clap jarred him and he looked at Stark. He smirked. “Let’s do this. One more time.”

 

~~~

 

“Wanna order dinner?” Clint asked him while he threw his duffel bag on the bed.

Tony had offered them to stay at his tower. Bucky refused but Clint convinced him that it was better than a hotel where he has to make sure he gets an alias. Clint thought it would be a hassle and that staying at the tower would be much more convenient when they check up later on his arm. Bucky saw his point and agreed.

Looking at the room now, he nodded, impressed. It was lavishly furnished and every piece of technology there was highly advanced.

He turned and smiled. “Nope. Let’s go out. I’m dying for some new York pizza.”

 

They head to his favorite place, Angelo’s Pizza. Each ordered their own pizza, and Clint was amazed by Bucky's appetite.

“You can’t blame me Clint. This is the best pizza I’ve ever tasted.” Bucky then devoured his second slice.

Clint checked his phone then turned to his glass, sipping his coke. “It’s all over your face man.”

“I’m kinda glad that I’ll be staying for two more days in case of complications or…”

“But?”

“This is the first time I'm gonna be away from my apartment for this long.”

“You mean away from Steve for— Ow!” Clint rubbed his eye after Bucky threw an olive at him. And then Bucky fished out his phone and asked him to take a picture of him eating the pizza.

“Why?”

“Because I wanna send it to Steve and make him jealous that I’m eating New York’s finest.”

Clint was about to say something but backed down when Bucky gave him a threatening look. “Fine. Say pizza!”

Bucky lifted the delicious slice of pizza and made comical eyes at the food. When Clint handed back the phone, Bucky quickly sent the image to his friend.

Two minutes later and his phone pinged.

**_That’s very low Bucky. So low._ **

Bucky snorted and typed back…

**_Just thought I’d share._ **

Bucky smiled at the exchange and when he looked up, Clint was shaking his head.

“You two are disgusting,” he said as he made gag noises.

Bucky stole the slice that was in his hand, and to Clint’s horror, he devoured it. He wiggled his brows and Clint huffed as he grabbed a new one.

 

~~~

 

Bucky settled in the comfy bed in the Stark Tower. He was glad that he had chosen to stay there. Check ups would undergo the next day and there was no reason to be in another part of town.

He played with his phone, reluctant to call Steve. He just missed him. But he didn’t want to look too forward. So, he just sent him a text.

**_U asleep yet?_ **

He felt his heart pounding loudly in his chest. What was wrong with him? He felt like a teenager. So he huffed and threw it on the nightstand. He grabbed the remote and started surfing the TV channels. His eyes glanced at his phone from time to time.

Five minutes later the phone rang. He snatched it and saw that it was Steve. He took a deep breath before answering.  
  
"Hey," he greeted softly.  
  
"Hey yourself. How's it going?"

Listening to his voice warmed his heart.  
  
"Bored."  
  
"And you call the most boring person ever to help you with that?" Steve snickered and Bucky found himself missing hearing that.

 _Fuck!_  
  
"You’re not boring to me," he said genuinely. He forgot himself there and only realized what he said when Steve got quiet on the other end.

 _Shit!_  
  
"Well, hate to break it to ya Bucky but you're in for a disappointment."  
  
Bucky laughed and then he said, "I called to tell ya that I might stay for three more days..."  
  
"What? Why? Are there complications?" Steve’s voice full of concern.  
  
"No, nothing. Just to avoid what happened last time. Doctor's orders."  
  
Suddenly he jumped when Jarvis's voice boomed in the room. "Mr. Barnes, would you like anything before you turn in?"  
  
"Jesus!"  
  
"Bucky?"  
  
He gulped and clutched his chest. "God Jarvis."  
  
"Sorry Sir."  
  
"I'm good. Thanks but don't scare me like that again."  
  
He heard Steve say, "Bucky? Who're you talking to?"  
  
"Oh, that's…um…Jarvis. An AI."  
  
"An AI?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Where the hell are ya? Is this a lab—Are they experimenting on you?"  
  
"Steve, Steve, relax. The engineer has this AI installed in his place. Don't worry. I'm in good hands."  
  
A huge part of him hoped that Steve had heard his last name uttered by Jarvis, but at the same time, he didn't want that. And if Steve had heard it, he didn't comment.  
  
"I'm glad."  
  
"So...I just thought I'd tell ya...you know...update ya like you asked."  
  
Steve laughed. "Thank you then."  
  
There was a moment of silence and Bucky felt calmer than ever. He buried his head in the huge pillows around him. He smiled as he asked, "How's your art program?"  
  
"Bucky...we're in the early stages still...I mean we're going around, convincing parents to enroll their kids or donate. I still meet the kids in the park to carry out for the rest of the semester."  
  
"You better keep me updated."  
  
Steve chuckled. "I will. I promise. I even might ask you to lend a hand."  
  
"I'm all yours."  
  
As soon as it was out, Bucky wished he could take it back. _Great, I scared him probably_.

So, he thought he should abort. "Well, I'll let you go then. I'm getting sleepy."  
  
"I told you I'm boring."  
  
"Shut up and go to sleep."  
  
"I will. And Bucky?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Thanks," He said softly and Bucky was glad it was the last thing he heard before going to sleep.

 

  
~~~

 

"Would you stop looking around? You're gonna break your neck. Plus, you look suspicious," Bucky told Clint as they entered his building back in Cleveland three days later.  
  
"Just wanna make sure I don't miss her."  
  
"She's got a fiery red hair. You'll see her."  
  
"Yeah...you think it's soft?"  
  
"Oh my God," Bucky groaned and reached his apartment. He shuffled to get there. He was dead beat but his eyes shifted to Steve's place. He knew they weren't there since it was a school day, and it was early in the morning.  
  
When he turned to his door, he noticed a post-it note on it. He quickly snatched it. It was Steve for sure.

Welcome home Buck!

He smiled widely and stuffed it in his pocket before Clint turned his way. As soon as they got inside, Clint dropped his bag and threw himself at the couch.  
  
"Take off your shoes please," Bucky said as he went for the fridge. He got himself a bottle of water and drank all of it.  
  
Clint was on his phone, probably tweeting. Then he looked up. "I'm hungry. Let's order."  
  
"I'm beat. Plus, you just had a meal on the plane."  
  
"You know me by now. So, want me to order for you?"  
  
"Sure but I think I'll take a shower and then nap. Don't wake me when the food comes. Just put some away for me."  
  
With that, he headed for to shower and later grabbed his sweat pants. He slept shirtless, not wanting to feel warm.

 

It wasn’t long before he heard voices. He raised his head; blinking in the dark room. There wasn’t a nightmare this time. He touched his new arm and it was cool. Not warm at all. He felt okay and sighed in relief. The last thing he wanted was another fever.

Then he groaned when he saw that he slept for four hours. “Clint!”

When he didn’t get an answer, he huffed and got up. He rubbed his face with both hands as he walked out to the living room. “I told you a nap. A nap! Why’d ya let me sleep—“

He froze as he saw Clint and Steve sitting on the sofa, with his manager showing something to Steve on his phone. Bucky’s heart beat madly at the sight of Steve. Apparently not seeing him for three days and being physically away in another city got him thinking that he couldn't go on without seeing his neighbor. It got him feeling…

 _Oh God_ , he thought.

Steve got up as soon as he saw him, a wide smile on his face. “Bucky! Welcome back.”

Bucky smiled and wished that he had checked the mirror first. He must look disheveled. Yet, he couldn’t help but smile. He felt weird a bit. There was something in the air that he couldn’t put his finger on. And Steve looked hesitant a bit before he said, “You look good.”

“Thanks.”

Then Bucky caught Clint’s smirk and wanted to punch him. Steve finally made up his mind and walked up to Bucky enveloping him in a warm hug. Bucky hugged him back, trying not to flush. He was half naked and his new arm was seriously great since it was sensing everything. It sensed Steve's warmth and the flexing of his back muscles.

Steve’s breath ghosted over his ear. “So glad you’re back.”

Bucky tried not to shiver and let out a nervous laugh. “Me too buddy.”

Steve held him at arm’s length and checked the new arm. “How does it feel?”

Bucky moved it around. “Lighter.”

“Color is different too.”

Bucky frowned. “It is?”

He caught a hint of pink on Steve’s cheeks. “Uh yeah…I teach art Bucky. I’m very observant.”

“That you are!” Clint’s voice rang, interrupting them.

Bucky gave Clint a warning look that he hoped it would get through his thick skull. Steve put his hand on Bucky’s good shoulder and looked at both of them.

“Let’s go celebrate. I’m buying. Peggy’s serve the best chicken fingers. It’s their special tonight.”

“Yes!” Clint actually jumped with a fist in the air.

“Uh, Steve it’s a school night. It’s already past eight. Don’t you have a class tomorrow?”

Steve chuckled and shook Bucky’s shoulder slightly. “Come on. It doesn’t matter. I want to. Plus, it’s just drinks.”

When Bucky looked hesitant, Steve spoke again, "Please. I want to."  
  
Bucky saw the pleading in his blue eyes and resigned. He nodded and Steve clapped his hands together. "All right. I'll see you guys there in an hour. Yeah?"  
  
Clint jumped up on his feet. "Can't wait. You said chicken fingers?"  
  
Steve beamed. “The best there is.”

Bucky rolled his eyes as he walked Steve to the door.  
  
"I knew I liked you for a reason,” Clint said.  
  
Steve chuckled and Bucky waited at the door but touched his arm. Steve turned and Bucky asked, "You sure? Aren't you supposed to turn in early?"  
  
"Bucky--"  
  
"We can go this weekend."  
  
"No, we celebrate tonight. Plus, Clint is here and I wanna get to know the infamous Romeo."  
  
Bucky nodded. "Fine."  
  
Steve took a step toward him and Bucky waited. "Don't worry about it. It's not a hassle for me. I wanna do this for you."  
  
Bucky just stared at him and Steve quickly turned and disappeared in his apartment.

  
~~~

Peggy's was not busy that night. As soon as they got inside, they felt the place too serene to be a bar.  
  
"Right here guys!" Steve called from the booth on the far end of the bar.  
  
They walked up to him and sat down. Clint next to Steve and Bucky facing them.  
  
"Sam couldn't make it. He's got a date with Maria."  
  
Bucky smiled. "That's still going strong?"  
  
"Apparently she's cooking him dinner tonight." Steve smirked.  
  
Clint snorted. "He should just marry her already."  
  
"You amaze me Clint," Bucky said as he narrowed his eyes at him. "You think you're wise but you're actually not."  
  
Steve pointed at Bucky while looking Clint. "I'm gonna agree with him on that."  
  
"Oh and you based that on what huh Rogers?" Clint folded his arms on the table.  
  
"The fact that you're pining over Nat--"  
  
Clint gasped loudly, scaring Bucky. "You hurt me Rogers! And here I thought you were on my side."  
  
"Here are the chicken fingers you ordered delivered specifically by yours truly."  
  
Bucky turned and saw Sharon. He smiled her way.

Steve motioned with his hand. "Thanks Sharon. This is Clint. Clint, Sharon."  
  
"Hi. Hope you like them?”

Clint winked her way as he plucked one out of the basket. “I’m sure I will.”

Bucky didn’t miss Clint’s flirtatious advances. He felt it was rude to do that in front of Steve. He had told Clint in New York about Sharon and how she was Steve’s ex. So he kicked Clint’s foot under the table. His friend yelped and looked sternly his way.

Bucky warned him with a look and then thanked Sharon. “Thanks for always being hospitable.”

“Aww Bucky you’re so sweet. It’s my job. Plus, I have a soft spot for this one.” Her hand reached Steve’s shoulder and squeezed. Bucky’s heart clenched and he averted his eyes.

Bucky felt flustered. He grabbed his beer bottle and sipped a bit.

As soon as she left, Clint clapped Steve on the shoulder. “So, listen Rogers. Bucky and I have a proposition for you.”

“Oh?”

Bucky sighed inwardly. He didn’t want to approach the subject now but when Clint gets involved, there’s no stopping him.

“Listen Steve,” Bucky started and when he got the blond’s attention, he continued. “I…when I was in New York, I kept thinking about your art program and I thought of something. I talked to Clint if he could help you with the marketing aspect of it. I know it’s non-profitable but you know…he could get the word out there. Like through social media.”

“Social media is my forte,” Clint said as he grabbed another chicken finger.

Bucky saw that Steve was still paying attention to him, so he continued, “He knows how to do this. We can help with the fundraising and also in the future of the program itself.”

When Steve didn’t say anything and looked at his beer bottle, Bucky felt nervous. What if Steve didn’t like that he discussed this with an outsider? Or that he didn’t like anyone meddling?

So he quickly added, “I mean that’s if you want…I mean it’s just an idea that I…you know what? It’s just a thought and—“

“I love it,” Steve said.

Bucky looked up and Clint smiled. “You do?”

“Yeah. I mean kids are all about social media these days and I’m not savvy enough to work through that. That’s such a great idea Bucky.”

Clint added, “I know, right?”

“But we’re still not done with the preparations…”

“That’s fine. We can start working now on a certain name of the program, maybe a logo you can design yourself. Or I can contact some people…”

Steve shook his head. “No, it’s okay. I’ll design it myself. I’d like to think I’m a good artist.”

 _Good? Fuckin’ amazing_ , Bucky thought thinking about those canvases.

Then Bucky let out a deep breath. “Great. That way Clint can work on that from now.”

“Yeah. Start a Facebook account and a Twitter account and my God Instagram. Can you imagine? Oh I’m feeling pumped up now.” Clint rubbed his hands together.

Steve smiled his way. “Are you sure it’s not too much for you. I don’t wanna interrupt your work...”

Clint waved a hand at him. “Please. It’s my job. I used to work for this guy here, remember?”

Bucky nodded and smiled at Steve. “Even though he’s a pain in the ass most of the time, he’s really good at this. That’s why he’s my—I mean was my assistant.”

Clint cleared his throat and gave Bucky a look. Of the two of them Bucky thought Clint would be the one to mess up his cover. Yet, here he was close to doing it himself.

“To Bucky’s newly…advanced arm and Clint’s expertise,” Steve announced, raising his beer bottle.

Bucky smiled widely and Clint cheered, “Here, here.”

The bottles clanked and it wasn’t until fifteen minutes later that Steve asked that they play pool.

“That’s new,” Bucky said as he craned his neck to look at the new addition to the bar.

“Sorry,” Clint started. “I just wanna sit here and fill my stomach with another basket of chicken fingers. Hey Sharon!”

Steve laughed at him and turned to Bucky. “What do you say? Challenge you to it?”

“That wasn’t there, right?”

“Yeah.” Steve looked at the far away pool table then back at Bucky. “I think she installed it last week.”

Bucky nodded and then froze at Steve’s next words. “How about you and I christen that table?”

Clint chocked on his beer, spilling it on his shirt. Then he coughed and gave Bucky a look. Bucky gulped and found Steve looking at him, smiling.

“Umm.”

“Come on! Let’s see if your arm’s gonna be as good, like when you played darts.”

“Yeah Bucky. Go. I’ll just sit here and enjoy the show.”

Clint wiggled his brows at him and Bucky took one last gulp and got up. Steve looked like an excited kid. “Yes!”

When they got there, each one took a cue stick. After Steve broke the pool balls and didn’t sink any, he stood back for Bucky’s turn and said, “Boy, I wish Sam was here so we can form into two teams and beat him.”

Bucky smiled as he lined up his next shot. When the ball sunk in, he stood back proudly looking for his next target. “I’m assuming you’ll be on my team?”

Steve huffed and stepped aside as Bucky passed him to aim for his next shot. “Of course! Who wouldn’t want to be with the winner?”

Bucky missed this time and he laughed. “Maybe you should wait on that part. Clearly I’m no pro.”

“You’ve got the arm, that’s all that matters.” Steve succeeded in his next shot, and then drank more of his beer.

“Aw and here I thought you liked me for me,” Bucky said jokingly as he prepared to sink the next ball.

“I like you just fine Buck, but I gotta use whatever I have to beat Sam.”

Bucky chuckled as he let Steve have his turn. He was watching Steve trying to aim perfectly with the cue stick when he heard a voice boom through a microphone.

“Testing, testing.”

He looked up and saw Clint on a small stage on the corner. “What the hell?”

“First of all, thanks Sharon for this. I owe ya darling.” Clint winked her way.

“What the _fuck_ is he trying to do?” Bucky asked bewildered as he moved to stand next to Steve.

Steve looked like he was trying so hard not to bark into laughter. “And it’s not even karaoke night.”

"This is for the lovely Nat. I hope she answers my call..." And he started singing to Bucky’s utter horror.  
  
… _Man, it's a hot one  
Like seven inches from the midday sun  
Well, I hear you whispering in the words, to melt everyone  
But you stay so cool_ …  
  
"Oh. My. God," Bucky muttered and Steve snickered.  
  
Then Bucky turned to him. "You enjoying this…fiasco?"  
  
"I just don't know whether to enjoy him or laugh at you. Look at you, so horrified."  
  
"Wouldn't you be if it were Sam?"  
  
Steve shook his head and pointed at Clint. "Sam is a horrible singer."

… _And it's just like the ocean under the moon  
Oh, it's the same as the emotion that I get from you  
You got the kind of lovin' that can be so smooth, yeah  
Give me your heart, make it real or else forget about it_ …

 

Bucky face-palmed and then shook his head. "That's it. I'm leaving. I can't handle this."  
  
He put his cue stick on the table and passed Steve, intending to head for the door. He gasped inaudibly when he felt Steve's arm sneak and wrap around his waist, holding him back.  
  
"Aww come on. Let's enjoy this so we can tell him about it when he sobers up."  
  
Bucky was still trying to compose himself. Steve was still holding him; Bucky’s back almost touching his chest and he was so flustered and confused.  
  
He untangled himself, laughing to cover his nervousness, and moved to stand next to him, leaning his back on the pool table. He kept praying his face wasn't red.  
  
To his relief, Clint stopped singing suddenly and yelled toward them. "Hey Rogers? Film this will ya? Want you to send it to her."  
  
It wasn’t really surprising to see Steve complying. Bucky watched him get his cell phone out and start filming as Clint blew a kiss their way and resumed his singing.  
  
"You know what? I'm glad you're filming this Steve. This guarantees her eliminating him from earth."  
  
Steve couldn’t help but laugh and then put his finger to his own mouth, indicating for Bucky to be quiet. Bucky shook his head and folded his arms across his chest. And he kept waiting. When Clint finished, people actually clapped and Bucky looked at them, disgusted.  
  
He punched Steve's shoulder when he joined them. “Ow. What? He was good.”

Bucky just shook his head at him and saw Clint heading their way.

“Well, what do you think? Think she’ll have mercy on my soul?” Clint asked Steve.

Steve looked at his phone then said, “There. I sent it. I wrote, from Clint, with love.”

“Niiiice,” Clint said and high-fived Steve.

Bucky couldn’t believe them. He threw his arms in the air. “Are you kidding me with this? She’s defiantly not gonna buy that. On the contrary, you just stepped up from a creep to pathetic.”

Clint huffed and swayed a bit. Steve held his arm and he pushed his hand away. “What do ya know about women Bucky?”

Bucky narrowed his eyes at him. “I know enough. You forget I have a sister?”

Clint chuckled and Steve stole a glance at Bucky, giving him a quizzical look; Bucky avoided him.

“Whatever. Just let me know Rogers, all right?”

“Sure Romeo.”

“I’m leaving.”

“Wait, I’ll take you home. You’re in no state—“ Bucky started his way but Clint stopped him.

“Sharon already called a cab for me. I’ll be fine. Stay and beat Rogers.”

“Not if I beat him first.” Steve winked at them.

“Fine, but I’ll walk you out.”

Bucky held Clint’s arm as he guided him outside. The fresh air was a warm welcome to the place inside.

Bucky looked around and Clint swayed a bit. “You okay?”

“Yeah. Just sleepy and a bit tipsy.”

“Or drunk off your ass.”

Clint just shook his head. “Drunk with looooove.”

Bucky couldn’t help himself anymore and laughed at him. “What’s gotten into you?”

“It’s love Buck Buck.”

“Oh here we go. You’re clearly drunk. You sure don’t want me to go with you?”

Clint waved him off and then got a cigarette out. Bucky shook his head. He knew that habit. It always came out when Clint really wanted to avoid something.

“And take you away from that lover boy? It’d break his heart,” Clint said and Bucky looked around to make sure no one heard him.

“What the fuck are you talkin’ about?” Bucky hissed.

Clint puffed a smoke. “Oh, please. ‘Christen the table’? Who the fuck says that, unless—“

“It’s a very common expression.“

Clint sobered up and stepped up to Bucky, making the other guy stop talking and regard him with furrowed brows. “Why do ya think I flirted with that ex of his?”

Bucky didn’t get his point, so Clint sighed and took another drag. “I wanted to gauge his reaction. He didn’t bat an eye.”

Bucky shoved his hands in his pockets. “Clearly he’s moved on.”

“Clearly you missed the way he looked at you when she came to our table.”

When Bucky looked away, Clint added softly, “You didn’t see the way he looked at you when _you_ weren’t looking.”

Bucky didn’t want to talk about it anymore and just let out a nervous laugh and was relieved at the cab showing up.

“Just go home and don’t throw up on my carpet.”

Clint raised his brow and then put out his cigarette and opened the door of the cab. He turned and said, “Suit yourself. All I know is that he’s just waiting for you to make the move.”

Bucky watched him go and he turned a few seconds later and got back inside. As soon as he was in, his eyes sought Steve and found him over by the pool table busy with his phone. Looking at him and thinking of Clint’s words made him feel like he got punched in the chest. He let out a breath. Could Clint be right?

_No. No. Impossible._

He shook his head and headed there. His neighbor raised his head and blinded him with a beautiful smile.

Bucky looked away, but smiled nonetheless. “You look giddy.”

“My uncle is gonna visit in two days. Just texted me.”

Bucky went around the pool table and picked up his cue stick. “Oh? That’s great.”

“Yeah. It’s been so long.”

Bucky shot, scored and continued hunting for the perfect angle. “When was the last time you saw him?”

“A year ago.”

Bucky noticed how Steve looked hesitant, so he asked him. “Tell me about him.”

The wide smile on Steve’s face took his breath away and he smiled in return.

Steve told him that his mother passed away when he was just fifteen years old, and the doctor she used to work for took him in. He and his wife were so loving and generous toward him. They put him through college and never stopped supporting him.

Steve told Bucky that his 'adoptive' uncle was going to a conference in Georgia and on his way back to Washington he thought he’d stop by to check on Steve. His wife was with him, so Steve was over the moon.

“Oh God Bucky, I just can’t wait for you to meet them.”

Bucky’s heart warmed at the thought of Steve wanting him to meet them. “Can’t wait so he could tell me all the embarrassing stories of Steve Rogers.”

Pink colored Steve’s cheeks and Bucky loved that about him. The shyness and blushing.

He was in too deep but he’d reprimand himself later.

“I’m gonna get more beer. Want one?”

Bucky shook his head and saw him head to the bar. He looked at the balls and lined up his cue stick to shoot next. Hearing Steve talk about his adoptive uncle made him yearn to see his family. So, he got out his cell phone and sent a text to his mom, telling her he missed her and would visit soon.

He was thinking which day to go when he heard loud voices rising by the second. It sounded like a brawl in the making. He turned around and froze when he saw Steve and some guy on the verge of a scuffle.

“What the hell?”

As soon as he whispered it, he saw Steve punch the guy and the guy-not staggering-punched back, making Steve falter in his stance.

Bucky quickly dropped the cue stick and ran to them. No one was breaking the fight and he felt angry. Why would you cheer a fight when people would get hurt?

When he reached them, he quickly stood between them. “All right, break it off!”

He’d never been in a fight, nor witnessed one in his life. Therefore, he was more in shock than pain when a fist connected to his face. He fell and heard Steve shout his name. When he turned, holding his thrumming jaw, he saw Steve surging and knocking the guy to the ground. There was the sound of glass, chairs scraping and screams.

He tried his best to clear his sight. He opened and closed his eyes several times until the stars disappeared. It was the moment when he saw the guy swing and sucker punches Steve three times in his stomach causing him to double over that Bucky saw red.

He got up and his brain quickly made the decision to swing with his metal arm. He felt the bone in the guy’s jaw crack and he was knocked out cold. The bar got silent all of a sudden except for Bucky’s harsh breathing and Steve’s groans.

The guy’s friends checked on him and for a second Bucky feared he had killed the guy. But he watched his friend carrying him up and heard the guy moaning.

Bucky turned and quickly crouched by Steve’s side. “You okay?”

Steve nodded and held Bucky’s arm. “Are you?”

“I’m not the one hardly breathing. Come on.” He hauled him up and saw the angry face of Sharon heading their way.

"Go on, get him out of here. Damn it Steve! The cops are gonna show up."

"Shouldn't we stay to press charges?" Bucky asked, trying to hold Steve up.  
   
"Steve swung first. I’ll handle it."  
   
Steve murmured, "He fuckin' deserved it."  
   
Sharon put her hands on his hips. "What else is new."  
   
Bucky wrapped his arm around Steve’s waist and put Steve’s arm around his neck. "Come on."  
   
"But--"  
   
"Can it Steve!"  
   
Thankfully, Sharon had already called them a cab. They quickly got in, all the while Steve wincing. When Bucky turned toward him, he cursed. "Fuck. You’re bleeding."  
   
"I'm fine."  
   
Blood was dripping down his nose. More like pouring and Bucky took off his checkered shirt.  
   
"What are you doing?" Steve looked horrified.  
  
"Stopping the blood."  
   
"Bucky but your shirt--"  
   
"You can buy me a new one."  
   
He gently held it to Steve’s nose and asked him not to lie back. He tried not to freak out at the sight of Steve. His shirt was torn up, blood covering his nose and chin. There were red scratches on his arms too.  
   
"Fuckin' jerk!" Bucky uttered.  
   
Steve lifted the shirt speak. "Yeah, he was."  
   
"I was talking about you!"  
   
Steve looked scandalized. Bucky nodded. "Yes, you. What the hell were you thinkin'?"  
   
"He deserved it."  
   
"Tell me what happened."  
   
"Why? You blame me anyway."  
   
Bucky huffed. He felt like he was arguing with a child. "If you don't, I’ll take you to the hospital."  
   
Steve literally stomped his feet, and Bucky almost snickered at the gesture. The cab stopped and Bucky paid the fare. He went to support Steve but the latter pushed him away. "I'm fine."  
   
He sounded upset but Bucky ignored him and held him to his side. He started to protest but Bucky insisted. "Shut the hell up Rogers."  
   
When they reached their floor, Bucky took the keys and got inside Steve’s apartment. "You have an aid kit somewhere?"  
   
He quickly headed for the kitchen and then heard Steve say, "You don't have to Bucky. I don't need it."  
   
Bucky ignored him and kept looking. He got frustrated and turned to find Steve leaning on the kitchen door. "Are you gonna tell me or do I have to get you to the hospital. I have a metal arm Steve."  
   
Steve chuckled then moaned in pain. Bucky shook his head at him and guided him to the stool near the counter. "Sit down," he stressed.  
   
Steve slumped over but winced. Bucky remembered the punches and hurried to the fridge. He got out a frozen bag of peas and approached Steve. "Here."  
   
Steve looked at him quizzically. Bucky sighed and reached his t-shirt to lift it up for inspection when he stopped. He realized that maybe he should ask for permission first. So, he cleared his throat. "Is this okay?”  
   
Steve nodded and inhaled as he lifted it to mid-section to show his bruised torso. Bucky grimaced at the dark green and blue skin. "Maybe we do need to see a doctor. This needs to get checked out."  
   
Steve breathed heavily when he took the bag and applied it himself. "Ow! I'm used to this. It’s fine."  
   
The horrified look on his face must’ve been what caused Steve to chuckle. "What?"  
   
"You sound like you speak from several experiences or incidents."

"Aid kit is in my bathroom, down the hall, right room."  
  
Bucky went and tried not to look at Steve's bed. His heart thumped harder and he grabbed the kit and headed back to the kitchen.  
  
He took the shirt, which Steve was still holding to his nose. "Well, the bleeding stopped. That's good."  
  
Steve grimaced at the damaged shirt but Bucky was more concerned at the bruised face. He said softly, "Let me."  
  
Bucky held his chin and looked at the damage. "Shit."  
  
"It'll heal."  
  
Bucky shook his head, got out a band and pulled his hair in a messy bun. Then he took a gauze out of the kit and started cleaning the blood, all the while very hyper aware that he was standing between Steve's legs, practically hovering over him. He refused to look him in the eye and he felt Steve's eyes on him with every move.  
  
_Dear God!_  
  
"You look..." Steve started.

Bucky halted in his tending and frowned. "What? Am I bleeding?"  
  
"No…Just when you pulled your hair up."  
  
Bucky wanted to say something funny but words died in his mouth when he saw the look Steve gave him. It was intense, so he looked away and tilted Steve’s face up to clean his chin.

"You gonna tell me what happened?"  
  
Steve sighed and Bucky stopped cleaning to replace the already dirty gauze with a new one. He applied a bit of alcohol on it.  
  
"I saw him spike a girl's drink."  
  
Bucky paused, then nodded. "Glad his face connected with my metal fist then."  
  
Steve snickered and winced because of his cut lip. Bucky shushed him and quickly dampened at the bleeding lip making Steve wince again.  
  
"You get into these fights often?"  
  
Through clenched teeth, Steve answered, "Ever since I was little. For good reasons."  
  
Bucky shook his head as he smiled lazily.  
  
"What?" Steve asked.  
  
"It's just I never fathomed you as a troublemaker."  
  
"I'm not!" Steve’s shocked face looked comical.  
  
"Really? Then why am I cleaning up your wounds?"  
  
"Because I was stopping the real troublemaker."  
  
Bucky sighed and got other alcohol wipes. Steve kept wincing all throughout.  
  
"How did you learn to do that? Got into fights too?"  
  
Bucky snorted. "No. Never. My sister did though. I had to play the big brother role you know."  
  
It got quiet again and he noticed Steve's hands hovering over his thighs. He looked nervous too. Maybe Bucky was making him uncomfortable. But then Steve said, "Tell me."  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"Tell me about her. Tell me about… you."  
  
Bucky stopped, his hand stilled over his cheek. This was it. He could tell him everything. But how far can he get away with his lies? He decided to tell some of his background, and disclose his last name and see. He owed Steve that at least. He took a deep breath and then smiled.  
  
"My dad…Joseph Barnes… died when I was five. Mom took care of us until we got older before she remarried. I have a crazy older sister. I'm very close to Becca, who's married and lives in Pennsylvania. I have a nephew who I spoil rotten."  
  
Steve smiled. "Must be nice."

 _So no recognition of the last name. Good_ , Bucky thought, relieved.  
  
"Well, Becca hates it ‘cause according to her I'm ruining him. To me, it should be a given. I’m his uncle you know."  
  
He finished cleaning up his face and then he noticed Steve biting on his lower lip. Without thinking he reprimanded him. "Don't do that."  
  
And he reached with his thumb and released it from his teeth. Steve locked eyes with him and Bucky, cursing himself, couldn't help but feel how warm and lush his lip was. He could only imagine what it would feel like to kiss him.

His heart beat widely; he cleared his throat and turned to the kit, saying over his shoulder. "You don't want that to bleed again."  
  
When he turned back to put the band aid, Steve was still looking at him, searching. Bucky cursed this night. He didn't want anything to be weird. He decided to fill the tension in the air.  
  
"Your students will have a field day tomorrow."  
  
"Shit!"  
  
"You should've thought of that."  
  
"They're gonna love it though. I just hate that they're gonna grill me."  
  
Bucky was almost done when he noticed a small cut on the top of his forehead. He swiped the blond hair and in the process ran his fingers through it as he leaned to inspect the cut.  
  
"Another cut. Must've been the shattering glass."  
  
He looked down at him, and noticed that Steve had closed his eyes and was breathing heavily. Bucky took that moment to just roam his eyes on the guy's face up close. He was painfully pretty. When he finally had the will to step away, he grabbed one of those alcohol wipes and dapped at the small cut. Steve winced and then opened his eyes.  
  
Bucky found himself blurting, "How come you stopped painting?"  
  
"What?"  
  
Bucky shrugged as he wiped the cut again. "I saw the canvases the first time I was here. Sam said you stopped."  
  
Steve murmured something under his breath and Bucky couldn't make out what he was saying. "For what it's worth, I think you're gifted."  
  
Steve smiled. "I find myself not being able to. I mean I still sketch here and there but paint... " Then he looked up. "You know when you're stuck, like--"  
  
"Like a writer's block?"  
  
"Exactly!"  
  
Bucky finally put a band-aid on the small cut. He forgot to step back. Apparently, he found himself getting familiar with the close proximity.  
  
Steve then added, "It's like my mind is stuck especially ever since..."  
  
Bucky frowned. "What?"  
  
Steve laughed but there was no mirth in it. "I don't even know."  
  
Then he looked up and Bucky just smiled at him. There was a quiet moment and he let himself enjoy it.  
  
"I'm sorry about your face,” Steve uttered sadly.  
  
Bucky shook his head. "I'll live."  
  
"No, it's not that." Then Steve raised his hand and it hovered closely to Bucky’s jaw then traveled to his cheekbone, not touching.  
  
"It's just...you have a flawless facial structure. It's every artist's fantasy."  
  
Bucky held his breath. His heart beat so loudly he couldn’t hear anything else. He didn't know what to say and Steve was looking at him differently. So differently. That intensity again.  
  
Then Steve’s fingertips brushed his jaw and Bucky shivered slightly. His eyes were locked on Steve’s who--to Bucky's shock--lowered then to his mouth. It was momentary but Bucky didn’t miss it.

 _What in God’s name is Steve thinking?_  
  
He felt like he was in a trance. It felt like forever until they both jolted back when they heard the loud slam of the door.  
  
"Hey Steven _fuckin_ Rogers?"  
  
It was Sam and he didn't sound happy. At all.  
  
Bucky cleared his throat and Steve yelled back, "In here."  
  
Then Bucky quickly busied himself with putting away the aid kit and then followed Steve to the living room. They found Sam fuming.

"What the fuck Rogers? I was having a quiet dinner with my girlfriend when Sharon calls to tell me that you got into another fight."  
  
"It was--"  
  
"When are you gonna stop this man?"  
  
Bucky interjected, stepping a bit in front of Steve. "It wasn't his fault."  
  
"And you!" Sam actually pointed at him. "I thought you were the level-headed one."  
  
"Sam that's enough! Leave Bucky outta this," Steve said in a very stern voice. Then he turned to Bucky. "Bucky… I'm so sorry about tonight. I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah?"  
  
Bucky looked at the two friends and realized that there was going to be a showdown and Steve wanted him out of it. He wanted to be there but he respected the boundaries still. So, he nodded, feeling bad about the whole thing. "Take care."  
  
Steve touched his shoulder lightly. "Thanks for helping out."  
  
"Anytime."  
  
He nodded toward Sam then closed the door lightly behind him. As soon as he did that, he heard Sam scolding Steve who was quiet.  
  
Taking a deep breath in the hall, he headed to his apartment. As soon as he opened the door softly, his eyes landed on Clint sprawled on the sofa. Bucky stood there and replayed Clint's words. His heart felt heavy as he realized that Clint might be right about Steve.

His neighbor was acting differently around him tonight. Sneaking an arm around Bucky and holding him much more intimately than normal, his intense gaze, touching his face…

Bucky rubbed his temples and sat on the edge of the sofa, Clint’s snores doing nothing to stop the thoughts in his head. He didn't know how to feel about all of it. It was true that he’d fantasized about Steve, still did, but it becoming a possibility? That scared him.

He didn't want to risk Steve's friendship by pursuing his fantasies. His friendship meant the world to him.  
  
Bucky sighed and took solace in the thought that there was still that possibility that Clint could be wrong.

He shook Clint’s leg. “Hey, Clint?”

His friend grunted but didn’t wake up. Bucky looked away and uttered softly to no one. “I hope you’re wrong Clint.”  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I struggled a lot with this chapter. Hopefully it lived up to its potential ;P  
> Let me know what you think.
> 
> Song is "Smooth" by Rob Thomas and Santana
> 
> Your comments and Kudos are LOVE. 
> 
> Oh and I'm on [Tumblr](http://isabellajack.tumblr.com/)


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Hold, hold on, hold onto me_   
>  _'Cause I'm a little unsteady_   
>  _A little unsteady..._
> 
>  
> 
> X Ambassadors' _Unsteady_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the long hiatus. I was busy writing that other fluff "It's No Coincidence". But I promise I'm going to update this one more regularly and I will definitely finish it. No worries.
> 
> All mistakes are mine.

 

 

"So I made pancakes...Woah! What the fuck happened to your face?"

Bucky grunted and waved a hand at Clint when he came close to check on the bruise on his cheek. "Steve got into a fight."

"And you joined?" Clint asked, laughing in disbelief.

Bucky cringed and hunched over. Clint’s voice was loud and Bucky had a headache, not because he was drunk. He couldn’t get enough sleep, not with what happened in the bar, the punch to his face, and what happened with Steve. Whatever that was.

"Why are you _not_ hungover? Jesus!"

Covering his ears, he slumped over the counter and Clint walked from behind and presented him a very lovely breakfast.

"You're lucky you're not working, otherwise I would've whipped your ass,” Clint said before he sipped his coffee.

Bucky ignored him and checked the clock on the wall. It was already noon. “Urgh!”

Clint motioned for him to dig in while he checked his own phone. Bucky ate, relishing the food. Clint continued, "Come to think of it. Good for your hobo look. More disguise, you know."

"Clint. For the love of God, just stop talking!"

Clint sighed dramatically and rolled his eyes. “You owe me a story. Call you later.” And he got his keys, wallet, and iPad. "Gotta go catch my flight. I wish I could see Steve's face."

Bucky shook his head while drinking his orange juice. "It's an official crime for that face to even have a scratch."

He stilled then cringed as he realized that he just said his thoughts out loud to Clint. Then growled when Clint ruffled his hear and blew him a kiss.

"See ya lovesick puppy."

Bucky gave him the finger and Clint's laugh rang in the hall even after closing the door.

He took his phone out and saw that there was a text from Steve.

 

**How r u feeling? Hope ur ok…**

 

Bucky realized it was sent this morning. He sighed, rubbed his forehead and typed back.

 

**Hi. I’m ok. U?**

 

The reply came after Bucky finished his breakfast.

 

**I’ll live :)**

 

His instinct was to give him a call but after last night, Bucky didn’t know how to navigate around that.

There was a moment between them and he certainly wasn’t sure who initiated it. He felt like if Sam hadn’t interrupted, Steve would’ve made a move or God knows what.

“Damn it Steve! It’s all your fault with your stupid lips and big blue eyes,” he yelled in his kitchen.

He poured himself another glass of orange juice and sat on his couch, feet on the table.

Okay, let’s think this through, he thought.

He wanted Steve. He really did. But he had never wanted to act on it. It would ruin everything. The friendship he built with him. Plus, how could he start something with a lie? Even with revealing his last name to him, Steve didn’t know who he was. The movie star. The has-been.

It was too late now. And he didn’t want to risk losing his friendship with the sweetest guy because he wasn’t good with relationships. It always ended badly for him.

So, Bucky decided that he would pretend that there was no moment. He would continue on spending time with Steve in the park, helping with the fundraising and being there for him.

“Yes, that’s the right thing to do,” he said before sighing loudly in his empty apartment.

 

***

  
Later that day, and to prove that he wasn’t weirded out by last night or to give that impression to Steve, he went to the park for their usual meetings. He brought with him two black coffee and sat on the bench. Looking around, he wasn’t sure why the students hadn’t shown up yet.

So he texted Steve and waited while enjoying the nice weather.  
  


**I'm at school Bucky. Why don't u come over?**  
  


_Oh._

He was debating just going back to his place or taking a long walk in the park when Steve called him.

"Hey,” Steve greeted in a joyful voice.

Bucky was glad for his upbeat voice after the fight last night. It also meant there wasn’t any awkwardness from what almost happened in his kitchen.

So far.

“Hi. You gave them the day off?” Bucky asked as he looked around.

“Yeah. But I’m actually packing our art supplies…you know, for when we find an available space for the art program. That studio that your money will buy.”

“Shut up,” he said, blushing. “It's your money. The program's money."

"Come over," he said, softly. "No one is here. Except theater kids practicing for the school play. Come help me out."

Bucky bit his lower lip in thought. He could handle a few hours alone with Steve. What happened to his mantra this morning? He had decided to put his crush and stupid feelings aside.

“Uh…if you want,” Steve muttered. “I’m sorry…you probably have-“

Bucky smiled. "What's the name of the school again?" 

 

***

 

When the cab dropped him off at a very nice neighborhood where the school was, he realized that he was at risk. He was going to a place where kids and teenagers roam the grounds. Most of them, if not all, are consumed by pop culture. What if someone recognized him?

And that was when he realized that he agreed to Steve’s request without thought. It scared him.

With his hair loose, he secured the cap over his head and marched to the door. He tried to calm his beating heart by remembering that Steve said only theater kids were there.

They were probably the kids he should stay away from. Far away.

He took two deep breaths, the coffee cups were shaking in his hands. “Get a grip for God’s sake.”

Looking around, it was really quiet which was to his advantage since it was way after school time. He walked apprehensively because he was positive some security guard would jump out of nowhere to stop him.

And Bucky was right.

He was trying the door and it was locked. He dialed Steve's and the latter didn’t answer.

"Excuse me sir, are you a parent? Or here for the theater club?"

_Shit. Come on Steve._

He turned and smiled with pursed lips. And there he was being questioned by a security guard who looked like he could take him down any second.

"Hi. I'm here to help out my friend. Uh, he's a teacher here. Steve Rogers."

"Oh, the man himself,” the guard said smiling widely. “Sorry, sir but I can't let you in until I confirm it with him."

Bucky nods quickly. "Of course."

Then a breathless Steve burst out of the door. "Hey, John. Sorry, he's with me." He turned to Bucky and put his arm around him to guide him in. "Sorry. Just saw your missed call."

"It's okay," he said after handing him his coffee. And Bucky couldn't wait to get away from the officer’s observing eyes. Last thing he needed was being ‘outed’ at a high school.

He secured the cap on his head and his eyes wandered around inside the huge place as he followed Steve to his class. It’s a nice school with the walls decorated with all sorts of student works, announcements and colorful banners.

He smiled nonetheless. There was always something nostalgic about schools.

“You miss it?”

“Hmm?”

And Steve held the door for him when they reached his class. “School?”

Bucky shrugged. “Nah...Okay, maybe a little.”

He walked until he sat on Steve’s desk, and took off the cap and put it on the desk. Then when Steve turned, Bucky grimaced. It was clear in this sunlit room how Steve’s face really looked after the fight.

“Shit. Your face…”

The bruises were horrible. They turned green and blue but thankfully his lower lip didn’t look swollen.

Steve chuckled as he carried one box to the other side of the room. “Are you kidding me? This is the best thing that ever happened to me.”

Bucky raised his brows. “Uh…I really don’t understand.” He folded his arms over his chest. “Enlighten me here.”

Steve stood in the middle of the room looking like an eager kid.

“Apparently having bruises is ‘cool’ and ‘badass’.”

Bucky grimaced his way and Steve raised his hands. “Not my words.”

Bucky snickered and then took a sip of his coffee. “Really? And here I thought you’re a role model.”

Steve stopped and opened another empty box. Bucky quickly got up and started bringing other empty boxes from the closet.

“Oh, no. Trust me. I told them that I got into a stupid fight and in no way I condone it but,” he stopped, smiled widely and shrugged. “They still liked it. They love me now. All the boys are fans of me. They call me ‘badass teach’.”

And Bucky chuckled as he stopped putting the supplies Steve motioned for inside the box and looked up at Steve. “'Badass' is so not the word that comes to mind when I see you.”

And there was a pause and Bucky watched as Steve stopped putting some stuff in the box and turned to him. He was smirking.

“Oh. Well, what word comes to your mind when you see me, huh?”

And Bucky stilled. Once again his mouth betrayed him and he chuckled nervously and shook his head. And once again, Steve was acting…flirty with him. It’s disorienting. Fortunately for him the door opened and a kid, probably a freshman, strode inside to put a heavy box on one of the desks.

"Thanks Mike."

“Uh, hey Mr. Rogers. Mrs. Thompson needs you. Something about the stage design or something.”

Bucky quickly made sure his long hair curtained his face. He would die if that kid recognized him and Steve would learn about his identity like that.

Not today. Soon, but not like this, he thought.

Steve sighed. “Mike. How many times have I told you to call me Steve? You’re making me feel really old, you know.”

The kid blushed and shrugged. “Uh, okay. I gotta go.”

When the door closed, Bucky clapped twice. “Wow. Congratulations Steve. Apparently it's not only girls now. Boys are crushing on you too.”

“What?” he shrieked, cheeks turning red. He shoved another box down the desk. “Sam really poisoned your thoughts. Don’t be ridiculous. Come on.”

“You sure she won’t mind?” Bucky asked as he put his cap back on, carried his coffee cup and held the door for Steve to let him pass first.

“Nah. She always asks for my opinion and suggestions for the stage decoration and I’m guessing she wants fresh eyes.”

 

***

 

Walking all the way to the auditorium was nerve-racking. All Bucky was thinking about was that he wouldn’t go near the stage. He’d have to be as far as possible. Those kids might have seen his movies. He prayed they didn’t. But he couldn’t refuse Steve.

As soon as they entered though, Bucky was hit hard with nostalgia. He was a theater kid at heart. There wasn’t any play in school where he wasn’t cast in. He paused at the double-doors and just sat on the farthest seat from the stage.

Steve ran all the way down to meet with a bubbly woman who made jazz hands when she saw him. He couldn’t hear them because he was focusing on the kids who were on stage. Two were rehearsing and the other two were reading lines and checking up on each other. Laughing in between.

Bucky smiled and sat back, almost sliding down the seat. He didn’t feel nervous anymore. It was dark. And the scene before him, the preparations, the noise, and the running around all brought a smile to his face.

 

***

 

“You seem like you’re enjoying the show. It hasn’t even started,” Steve said as he sat next to Bucky.

Bucky sat up straight and couldn’t keep the smile off his face when the kids started taking positions. “Can I stay for the rehearsal? Please?”

He found himself strangely excited to stay. No one would recognize him and he wouldn’t even go near them. He just wanted to watch. He missed it. The whole rush of getting up there and performing and also of watching. What would he give to be in their shoes.

Steve looked at him quizzically then smiled after checking his watch. “It’ll start in ten minutes. Sure.”

Bucky sighed. “Thanks.”

“You love theater?”

Bucky cleared his throat. “I was in the theater club when I was in school. All throughout.”

“Really?” Steve asked, eyes on Bucky as he sipped his coffee.

Bucky smiled as he saw one kid throw away his script behind the curtains. “Yeah. It was my dream to do theater for life, you know.”

He wasn’t lying. He had always wanted to be on stage, performing powerful plays. Plays that meant something, that sent a message.

“That’s quite the departure from where you ended up.”

Bucky chuckled and didn’t comment. Yet, he held his breath when Steve said softly, “You can try that now. I mean…you don’t have a job and it’s never too late to follow your dreams.”

Bucky turned to him, and found the most sincere, gentle look directed his way. His heart was breaking at that moment, to be lying to the man who had become a dear friend.

The innocent look Steve was giving him tore at him and he looked away, trying really hard not to tear up. He wanted to tell him. Tell him that his work in theater helped in getting movies. And that when he started missing it, he had told Clint to watch out for good plays.

Then the accident happened and everything changed.

He jerked slightly at the hand on his knee. “Hey, Bucky. I wasn’t making fun of you. I just wanted you to know that you can do what you love. You can _still_ do it.”

He cleared his throat but Steve continued after pulling his hand away. “Hey, you can also end up giving these kids some pointers. Even teach here if you want. I can help-”

“Steve. That’s…” and he glanced twice before nodding toward the stage. “Let’s just watch, shall we?”

When his eyes glanced Steve’s way, he looked a bit down and probably blamed himself. Bucky couldn’t help but let him know that he didn’t do anything wrong. He was just being supportive. It wasn’t his fault that he didn’t know how messed up Bucky’s life was.

So he nudged him with his knee. “Hey. Thanks. But I don’t want them calling me tin man.”

And Steve snickered so loud Mrs. Thompson turned to shush loudly toward them.

 

***

 

The next morning, and in the very early hours, Bucky was tying his shoelaces and getting his water bottle ready when there was a knock on the door. He opened it and smiled when Sam was on the other side.

“Hey. Wanna join me for a run? Wait aren’t you supposed to be in school now?”

The grim look on Sam’s face stopped him and he held the door more forcefully. “What is it?”

“It’s…uh, it’s Steve.”

“What?”

Bucky's heart fell and his eyes sought their apartment. The door was open but he couldn’t see inside. Sam raised his hands up. “It’s not like that. He’s distressed. Received bad news about his uncle early this morning. And I tried but...I need you to come calm him down—“

Bucky didn’t wait for him, and walked past Sam. He opened their door wide and saw Steve pacing around, the phone glued to his ear. His other hand was rubbing his forehead. He didn’t seem to notice them at all.

Bucky turned to Sam and whispered, “What happened to his uncle?”

“Had a heart attack last night. His wife called Steve and he’s been trying--“

“What do you mean there isn’t a flight seat now? Please, my uncle is sick. Can’t you at least…” Steve is almost shouting through his phone. Then he was breathing hard and all the time unaware of his surroundings as his knee bumps into the coffee table while pacing.

The two watched him as he sighed loudly and sat heavily on the couch.

“Yes, I’ll hold. Thank you.”

Bucky put his water bottle on the chair, approached him and said softly, “Hey.”

Steve looked up and recognition was there. “Bucky…”

Bucky sat next to him when Steve looked down, covered his face with one hand while the other gripped the phone hard to his ear. Bucky found himself rubbing his back. And what happened next jarred Bucky.

Steve started sobbing. It started slow and soft and then he couldn’t stop those now loud, broken sobs. Bucky felt them through his trembling body as he put his flesh arm around him, bringing him closer to him. He did it without thinking. And Steve welcomed it by leaning more into him.

Bucky spoke softly in his ear, “Hey, everything is gonna be okay.”

Steve rubbed his eyes and looked up at both of them. “How? I can’t fucking get a flight ticket. What if he…? What if I can’t make it in time?” Then he turned to Bucky. “I can’t lose him. I can’t. Not another one.”

Bucky’s throat closed up and he tried not to cry. Steve had told him about how he lost both parents when he was young and Dr. Erskine was the one who looked after him ever since. Bucky remembered how Steve told him the story last night, and how excited he was to see his uncle tomorrow.

Then Steve took the tissues offered by Sam. Bucky looked up and found a helpless look on their friend’s face. He tried to think of something when suddenly Steve stood up, speaking into the phone.

“Yes. Again? You just said you’d help. There’s gotta be a seat available somehow…okay. Okay. I’ll be waiting but please…”

He sighed and blew his nose. Bucky made up his mind. He couldn’t stand seeing him like this.

He got up and headed for the door. Sam grabbed his arm.

“Give me ten minutes,” he told Sam.

Steve couldn’t even bother looking. He buried his face in his hands when he sat back down.

Once he was out the door, Bucky went to his apartment to make a phone call. He didn’t want them to hear any part of it.

He quickly dialed Clint’s and prayed his friend was awake. He calculated the time difference and it was three in the morning in L.A.

“Pick up. Pick up, Barton.”

After four rings, Clint picked up. “What?”

Hearing his grumpy, sleepy voice was a relief. Bucky sighed and then with a controlled voice said, “I need your help.”

Bucky could hear the rustling of sheets and it was apparent that his tone of voice caught Clint’s full, undivided attention. Clint sounded now very serious and focused. “What is it? Talk to me.”

“I need you to work your magic.”

Clint groaned. “Fuck, Bucky. What happened?”

“It’s not what you think.” Bucky didn’t blame Clint for the misunderstanding. He used to use that phrase whenever he did something stupid that could jeopardize his image.

It didn’t matter now. Bucky never thought he’d reach a point in his life where nothing else mattered. Not his image. Not his career. And certainly not the media.

“I need a ticket to Atlanta, Georgia. Now. It has to be now, Clint. It’s urgent. It's a matter of life or death.” Then he started pacing.

“Wait…why are you going there? What the fuck is going on?”

Bucky heard the splash of water and figured he was washing his face. He felt guilty but he had to. It was the only way. If there was any way he could help Steve, he would. Nothing would stop him.

“Bucky?”

“Yeah. It’s not me. It’s Steve. His uncle had a heart attack. He’s in the hospital and in critical condition.”

He half expected Clint to deliver one of his snarky remarks about Steve and Bucky’s crush but all he said was, “Give me few minutes. I’ll see what I can do.”

Bucky thanked God for having Clint in his life. He didn’t know what he’d do without him. “Thanks, Clint. Please do whatever it takes.”

“Even if I had to use your name. Disclose your identity…’cause it might lead to that Buck.” There was a hint of remorse and Bucky didn’t even hesitate.

“Even so. Use everything you can—“

“Bucky—“

“Please, Clint,” and he felt chocked up. He took a deep breath and tried to hold it together. “It’s the least I could do for him. After what he's done for me.”

“I’ll call you back.”

When he hung up, Bucky looked around and realized he might not stay for long after they figure out who he was for he was sure Clint would need to use his name. He was going to miss anonymity.

But it was worth it. Anything for Steve.

Bucky touched his own chest, flabbergasted at how powerful his feelings for the guy were.

_Now is not the time you idiot!_

He turned and went back to his neighbors’ apartment. He found Steve alone, still talking on the phone. Apparently to his aunt this time. There were noises coming from the kitchen so it was probably where Sam was.

Bucky came and sat next to Steve.

“Please keep me updated, okay? I’ll be there. Tell him…tell him to wait for me, all right?”

The way he uttered that last request broke Bucky’s heart. He looked at him, broken, sad and devastated. No, he thought. Steve shouldn’t ever experience that. He was a good man.

“Love you too.” And Steve hung up, heaved a sigh. The tears were still there.

Bucky put his hand over Steve’s shoulder. “Hey. He’ll be fine.”

“What if he doesn’t make it?”

“Don’t think like that. He’ll make it and you’ll be there with him every step of his recovery. You’ll be there walking him out of the hospital and bringing him here.” And he waved his hand around the living room.

Sam showed up and gave each a cup of tea. “Drink some, Steve. It’ll calm you down.”

“I don’t feel like it.” He didn’t reach for the cup.

Bucky looked up and put his on the table and took it from Sam. He turned to Steve whose head is between his hands. “Hey,” he started. “You gotta drink this. It’ll soothe you.”

Steve looked up brokenly at Bucky and the latter couldn’t handle that hurt and desperation in the blue eyes. Eyes that used to smile his way whenever they met.

So, Bucky stared at the cup.

“Here,” and he took Steve’s hand and placed the cup there. Thankfully, Steve sipped twice before resting his back, cup between his hands.

Bucky looked up and found Sam looking his way, nodding in gratitude. Then Bucky’s phone rang and he quickly answered it.

“Talk to me.”

“Fucking got one! Had to fight hard and dirty. Leaves in an hour. He’s gotta get there _now_. Pronto.”

Bucky huffed a laugh and his neighbors looked at him in bewilderment. “Thank you! Thank you. Text me the confirmation. “

“And Bucky?”

“Yeah?”

“I was able to pull it off without dropping names. Your cover is safe.”

Bucky nodded, deeply grateful for having him as a friend first, employee second.

“I’ll be waiting for your text.”

As soon as he hung up, he got up and took the cup from Steve’s hands. “Come on. You’ve gotta a flight to catch.”

“What?” Steve asked, breathlessly.

“You serious?” Sam asked.

Without looking their way, to avoid their questioning eyes, he explained, “Yeah. I know some people. Pulled some strings. Got you one seat on a flight that’s leaving in an hour." There was no need to drag Clint's name into this. "You gotta get there now.” And his phone pinged. “I’m forwarding the confirmation now.”

“But—how—when—“ Steve stammered as he got up, clutching Bucky’s arms.

Bucky disentangled from his grip and steered him to his room. “Just go pack something. Hurry.”

"Shit. The art program, my classes-"

"I'll talk to Maria about your classes and your leave," Sam supplied.

"Don't worry about the program," Bucky said. "I'll handle everything. Just go."

Steve looked between him and Sam and then bolted to his room but not before wiping his teary eyes and runny nose.

Bucky turned to Sam who had a weird look on his face. “What?”

Sam had his arms folded across his chest. “How did you do that?”

“Do what?” Bucky asked, avoiding his searching eyes.

“Just like that you found a ticket?”

Bucky put his hands in his pockets. “Like I said. I know some people. I pulled a few strings.”

“Huh.”

Then Bucky jolted when Sam’s hand clapped him on the shoulder. “Thanks. What you did was…thanks man.”

 

***

 

Sam drove madly to the airport and Bucky was in the back, trying his best not to freak out. When he saw himself in the rear-view mirror, he found his face was pale. But he didn’t say anything. It wasn’t about him and his trauma.

When they reached the airport, Steve sprinted out the car, Bucky right behind him. Sam couldn’t follow because he couldn’t park. He told Bucky to give him a missed call so he could drive around for him.

Steve was shaking so much that Bucky self-checked for him. And when it was printed, he gave it to him and Steve bolted with his duffel bag. When they reached the checkpoint, Bucky slowed down as he watched Steve go and hand over his boarding pass. He passed the two TSA people without turning back.

Bucky let out a long sigh. “I owe Clint. Big time.”

And then he ran his hands through his hair and turned around to leave. He wasn’t even three steps away when someone whipped him around.

It was Steve. He didn’t even give Bucky a chance and engulfed him in a crushing hug. It took Bucky seconds to process that Steve came back.

He came back. 

Bucky closed his eyes and hugged back, his hands gripping Steve's shoulder blades.

“Thank you, Bucky. Thank you.” Steve’s voice was muffled by Bucky’s t-shirt.

Steve pulled back and Bucky saw tears brimming his eyelids. Then Steve’s hands framed his face and Bucky gulped. Steve just stared at him, shaking his head. “You’re just…I mean…what you did…”

He then pulled Bucky in again for another hug.

This was not the time for Bucky’s heart to beat madly. It wasn’t. He had to compose himself.

So Bucky patted him on the back. “Go.” And when he pulled away, he pushed Steve back toward the checkpoint. “Go.”

 _I'll wait for you_ almost came out of his mouth. He scolded himself internally. _What the fuck is wrong with me? Get a grip!_

The look Steve gave him…Bucky was afraid to interpret it. Then Steve shook his head and ran back.

Bucky prayed that his uncle was going to be all right. He would think about his treacherous heart later.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear things between them will pick up in the next chapter.  
> Comments and kudos are LOVE.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _You don't know_   
>  _Somebody's aching_   
>  _Keeping it all in_   
>  _Somebody won't let go of his heart_   
>  _But the truth is_   
>  _It's painless..._   
>  _Letting your love show_
> 
> Skye's "Love Show"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter killed me in a way lol. Sorry it's long. Hope it delivers ;)  
> All mistakes are mine.

 

 

 

Bucky sighed and wiped his forehead as he finished putting the last box labeled ‘For Art Program’ into the storage at school. He then headed back to Steve’s classroom where he started double-checking if he missed something. His eyes caught on the wall at the far end of the class, next to the windows. Walking up to it, he smiled widely as he realized they were photos of the students gathered together in several sites around the city. Mostly they were of them in the park. Sometimes Steve would be in the photos. Those were the photos where Bucky would stare longer.

His heart ached for the teacher.

It had been a week since Steve had left. He had called them the second day to tell them that his uncle had made it through and that he wanted to stay there and be with him until he took him back home. Back to DC.

To say that he missed him is an understatement. Bucky felt like there was a hole in his life. A missing piece. Every day he would leave his place and his eyes would linger on Steve’s door, wishing he could see that face again. And it was freaking him out. He tried busying himself with the packing but he finished today.

The photos in front of him now brought a smile to his face. They reminded him that this program needed to continue. So, he fished his phone out of his pocket to contact Clint. Needing to check if Clint was successful in finding a studio. And then brainstorm some more.

Before he unlocked his screen, the door to the classroom opening jolted him.

“Oh, hi! Good thing I caught you,” a brunette woman said cheerfully. She looked very professional and she wasn’t the administrator he saw at the beginning of the week. She must be a member of the school faculty then.

Bucky’s hand quickly secured the cap on his head. It’d become second nature to him. He smiled at the stranger.

She moved toward him, a leather-bound binder in hand and a smile on her face. “I’m Maria Hill. Sorry we didn’t meet earlier.”

He let out a sigh of relief and a huffed laugh. “Oh, wow. Good to finally meet the woman who puts up with Sam.”

She extended her hand and he took it. She had a very strong handshake. Then, suddenly, she squinted her eyes at him, like she wanted to really look at him. Her hand lingered in his. He cleared his throat which caused her to laugh nervously. “Well, Bucky is it?”

“Yeah. Thanks for giving me the pass to come here this past week.”

Maria waved him off. “No worries. A friend of Steve’s is a friend of ours.”

He tried not to blush but her inquisitive eyes made it impossible. “You need help? Or you’re done?”

He looked around. “Uh…nah I’m good.”

“Would’ve sent more help but Sam told me you wanted to do it alone.”

He nodded. “Yeah, thanks for that. I like working alone. Plus, anything to do for the guy, you know.”

“Yeah.” Then she scrunched her face as she said, "School isn’t the same without his stupid face in the corridors.”

Both of them chuckle at that and then she shrugged. “Well. I’d walk you out but I have tons of papers to file.”

“Good luck.”

She nodded. “Good to finally meet you Bucky.”

“Same here.”

Maria walked away and before she was out, she looked back once at him, smiled tensely and then left.

God, did she suspect he had a crush on Steve? _Fuck_!

 

~~

 

Bucky decided to call Clint later. After Maria left, he turned off the lights and closed the door, heading out. The cab was waiting for him outside the school. He was grateful that no students were around. His heart stopped beating madly as soon as he was away from the school grounds. His identity had been safe.

_No one cares! I’m so full of shit!_

He chuckled to himself and took out his phone to check his messages. Nothing new. He reread Steve’s previous messages. He’d called once to check if he landed safely but then Steve kept checking in with them through texts. Last night he told Bucky that he was on his way to DC with his uncle and aunt and might stay there for a couple more days.

Bucky sighed again as he looked at the last text. Fuck, he missed him.

His phone rang as the cab dropped him off at his building. He smiled widely at the caller’s name.

"Yeah?"

"So I got you guys three great deals. Midtown. One is actually near your building. Want the locations?" Clint shouts through the loud noises of traffic.

"I'm fine. Thanks for asking, Clint." Bucky chuckled nonetheless as he opened the door of the building.

"Ass! So what do you think?"

"Well, it's pointless to check them out without him. I'll just wait till he gets back." Bucky started taking the stairs to his place on the third floor very leisurely. He was in no hurry to get back to his quiet apartment.

"My advice is that you go and see each one, form an opinion so that when he comes back, you can impress him."

This time Bucky laughed out loud. "Fuck you, Barton."

When he got to his floor, he held his breath. Bucky froze at the landing.

There he was. Steve was sitting on the floor, his back resting on Bucky’s door.

Their eyes met and Steve smiled softly. Bucky spoke into the phone, "I'll call you back."

And he hung up, walking up to Steve who didn't move an inch upon seeing him. Bucky noticed how different he looked. Dark circles under his eyes, disheveled hair and worn-out clothes. He decided to tread carefully.

"Hey, you're back.”

Steve just nodded his way, his eyes half open. He looked very tired.

“I thought you’d be in DC right now. When did you get back?" Bucky smiled warmly as he crouched down in front of him, not touching him yet.

Steve sighed and unclasped his hands to run them through his hair. "An hour ago. Sorry. I forgot my keys and I just...I’m tired."

Bucky cleared his throat. "Wish you'd told me you were coming today. Could've picked you up."

Steve looked his way and smiled lazily. "Nah. I troubled you guys enough. Plus...surprise!"

The lazy way he said it made them both chuckle. Then Bucky stood and extended his hand. "Come on. Come inside."

"Thanks. Called Sam. He's at a school game. Has to show his support. Couldn't bother him."

Bucky pulled him up and they hugged. Steve collapsed onto him, basically dropped all his weight on Bucky. It was like he wanted someone to carry him. Bucky's hands rubbed his back and then clasped his hands tight around him. Something in him wanted to protect Steve at all times. He asked, "He went home okay?"

"Yeah," Steve answered softly.

Bucky turned his head and tried not to nuzzle into Steve’s neck as he whispered, “Are you okay?”

Steve’s voice was muffled as he said, “I’m home now.”

Bucky pulled away. Looking into Steve’s eyes, he knew that he was down. Blue. Very blue. He hated that he was helpless in this situation. The old Bucky, James Barnes, would throw money at the problem or send Clint and poof! It’s gone.

Not this.

Nonetheless, he smiled brightly. “Come on.”

Bucky left his hand resting on Steve’s back as he opened his door. He got them inside and was thankful that he had cleaned his place this morning.

"God, I reek," Steve exclaimed as he dropped his duffel bag next to the door.

"You can use my shower. Go ahead. I'll make coffee."

And Steve headed there as Bucky went to brew coffee. He looked inside his fridge and cursed himself. He thought he could fix something for Steve to eat but there was only fruit and milk. He made a mental note to go shopping later. Looking at the clock, it was only 5:30 p.m.

He sent Clint a text.

 

**Steve's here. Send the info. Will talk to him about it.**

 

And then as he filled the coffee maker, his phone rang. He answered the call.

"You know… when I text you, I expect a text back and _not_ a phone call,” Bucky joked as he tried to sound serious but failed. He got the coffee brewing and took out two mugs.

"Screw you, Bucky. I just wanted to know," Clint started then his voice softened. "Is he okay?"

Bucky smiled. He was glad that Clint had become a friend to Steve too. He stopped and listened. The shower was still running. The shower that was in his room. Shit!

"Yeah, I think so."

"Good ‘cause I wanna ask him about what Nat thought of the video."

Classic Clint. Ruining anything remotely touching. "What the fuck is the matter with you? Are you serious? The guy just came back."

"What? I'm trying to court her and-"

"You're _stalking_ her, that's what you're doing. Jesus! She's a lawyer. She could..."

And he paused when he turned around. Steve was standing there, shirtless, wet and in sweatpants. Sweatpants that were barely hanging to his slim waist. He had a small towel around his shoulders that he was using to dry the back of his head.

"Sorry.” Steve looked sheepish. “I don't have a clean t-shirt."

"Uh…” Bucky trailed off like the dumb looking guy he was. It was just the picture of him standing there, in that state, in the middle of his fucking living room that got him speechless. Bucky slapped himself mentally and then cleared his throat. “I'll get you one...” then into the phone, “Hey Clint, I'll call you back."

"Oh, Clint!” Steve beamed. “Can I talk to him?"

"Sure." He handed him his phone, being very determined not to touch Steve’s fingers. Slightly wet fingers.

_Jesus!_

Bucky quickly went to his room to get one; all the while his heart was beating erratically. He felt the damp air in his bedroom coming from the bathroom. Steve was here and used my shower, he thought.

He caught himself before moaning at the thought and dropped his head on the dresser. He cursed himself. Then he started looking for t-shirts. He found a clean white one. Bucky could hear Steve laugh at something while talking to Clint. His heart fluttered and a smile found it’s way to his lips. This was good. It meant he was feeling better.

No more sad, blue Steve. _I hope._

When he went back with the t-shirt, Steve had just hung up and put the cell phone on the kitchen counter.

“I got you this. It’s clean, I swear.” And Bucky laughed nervously as he was trying to avoid looking at the sculpted chest. _Very, very sculpted._

Bucky looked up, startled, when he saw that Steve had stepped too close, invading his space. There was a soft smile on his lips. He took the t-shirt slowly and looked down, his fingers feeling the texture.

Bucky held his breath.

“Thanks Bucky.”

And Bucky couldn’t handle it; he quickly turned and passed him to get to the counter. He poured themselves coffee. He intentionally didn’t turn around until he felt that Steve pulled on the t-shirt.

When he finally faced him, he gulped. The t-shirt was a bit tight. “Sorry.”

“Eh, it’s fine,” Steve said as he stretched in it. He took the mug from Bucky.

“Thanks.”

They both sat in the living room. Steve on the couch and Bucky on the chair.

After five quiet minutes, Bucky held his mug between his two hands. “Uh…so how’s your uncle?”

Steve took a sip and smiled fondly in remembrance. “He’s doing fine. Just needs rest. No more stress from now on. No more traveling for conferences. At least for a while.”

Bucky nodded and realized that Steve had been looking at his coffee mug in deep thought.

“Hey?”

“Hmm.” And Steve looked up.

Bucky smiled. “He’ll be fine, Steve. Conferences can wait.”

Steve chuckled but the sad smile returned to his face. “Yeah. It’s just that…I hated that I felt helpless, you know. I was literally by his side, and I couldn’t do shit.”

“Hey,” Bucky put his mug on the coffee table and put his hand on Steve’s knee. He leaned over. “Don’t say that. You, being there, was everything he needed.”

Steve didn’t seem convinced. Bucky continued, “Tell ya a secret?”

That made him look up at Bucky who didn’t wait for an answer. “There will always be a time when you’re helpless. Not gonna lie about that. But it’s okay if you feel helpless. God knows I’ve felt that several times in my life. The thing is…when you feel like that, make sure you look around you. Don’t forget that there are people who care about you, and who will be there for you. No matter what.”

Steve’s voice wavers. “What if there isn’t anyone?”

Bucky made sure he looked at him directly. “There’s always someone.”

Steve looked down his mug after, clearing his throat. Bucky picked his mug and before he took a sip, he said, “I mean…Granted, I don’t have the best example since all I got is Clint.”

Steve laughed heartily and shook his head at Bucky who drank his coffee with a triumphant smile on his face.

“I love Clint. Gosh, he’s funny.” Steve sipped his coffee.

“Wait till he barges in your bedroom while you’re asleep and screams at the top of his lungs just to tell you that you’re out of sugar.” Bucky huffed as he rested his back and remembered that day in L.A. when Clint slept over.

“Are you saying Sam is better?” Steve narrowed his eyes, anticipating with a smirk on his face.

Bucky’s eyes widened. “Are you kidding me? Sam is an _angel_.”

They laughed at that and it was quiet again.

“I thought you’d stay in DC for a while,” Bucky said casually, trying not to sound happy that Steve decided against it.

“Oh, I planned to but my uncle insisted that I head back, saying that I missed too many school days already.”

Bucky patted his knees. “Good to have you back. Your students left you amusing notes.”

Steve smiled. “Oh? I still need to recharge. I’m so glad tomorrow is weekend.”

And Steve laughed slightly and scratched the back of his head. He put his mug on the coffee table.

“Do you mind if I take a nap? I tried sleeping on the plane-“

“No, of course not. You can take my bed…” and he willed his cheeks not to burn.

Steve spared him as he patted the couch. “This is fine. I just need at least two hours.” He stretched on it; the same one Bucky spent his ill days on.

“Don’t worry about it.”

And Bucky carried the two mugs back to the kitchen and rinsed them. When he turned around, he found Steve fast asleep. Looking at him peacefully, Bucky smiled and headed to get a soft light blanket. He draped it on Steve and stood there as Steve inhaled deeply and buried his hands under his head.

Bucky shook his head to regroup and went to the fridge. He groaned silently remembering it was empty. He took his keys and wallet and went out the door. Stepping out into the cool air, he though he could leave Steve to rest for more than two hours. He decided to head to 'Oden’s bookshelf' to borrow more books and then stop by the grocery store. This would buy him time until Steve wakes up.

 

~~

 

"So I was thinking of getting drinks and having pizza over at my place,” Bucky said, cradling his phone between his shoulder and cheek as he gave the last of his items to the salesclerk. He nodded at her that that was it.

"What's the occasion man? Not that I'm objecting or anything," Sam almost yelled into the phone. The sound of cheering of the game was too loud.

Bucky pulled his wallet and paid. "Oh well, Steve's back-"

"What? What the fuck! Since when?"

This time Bucky pulled the phone away. His ear must be bleeding by now. "Wait, you didn't know? Didn’t he call you? He said he called you."

"No, well, he did call...fuck, that's why he called today. He didn't say anything though." Sam let out a long sigh.

"Maybe he didn't want to trouble you."

"That idiot, I swear to God-okay. I'll be done here in few minutes."

"Great."

"Where's he now?"

"He's at my place. Napping."

And there was loud shouting and Sam shouted at someone on his end. "Okay, Bucky. I'll see you then."

 

~~

 

Bucky got everything he might need for his fridge this week and bought beers. He opened the door to his building and took the elevator. It had been around three hours since he left Steve. The latter must still be asleep. So, Bucky was very quiet when getting inside his apartment. He didn’t want to disturb him.

With two books under his arm, and two large grocery bags, he opened the door as quietly as possible. At that moment, he was more thankful than ever for his metal arm.

To his surprise, Steve was already up and washing his hands at the kitchen sink.

"Oh. You're up." Bucky kicked the door closed with his foot and Steve rushed and got one of the bags from him. They settled them on the counter.

"What are you doing?" Bucky frowned.

"Well, I tried to fix something quick for us to eat but as always, your fridge is a disgrace Bucky."

"Shut up.” Bucky nudged him with his shoulder as he started emptying the bags. “What do you think is in these bags?"

They both chuckled and started stacking the fridge together. All the while Bucky updated him on the supplies, how they’re all stored now. After they were done, Steve gave him a bowl of fruit salad that came out of nowhere taking him by surprise.

"What's this?" Bucky asked, amused.

"Well, that's the only thing I was able to make."

"Wow. You didn't have to." Bucky took the bowl from him and grabbed himself a fork.

Steve shrugged and sat down at one of the stools, beckoning Bucky to sit next to him.

They dug in and Bucky knew he was ridiculous but the fruit-the way Steve put them together, the way they were cut-tasted sweeter.

Bucky talked about how Clint found some locations for him to scout. Steve was grateful and agreed with Bucky that they'd go tomorrow to check them out. Even if just to look at the neighborhood they were in since it was weekend. Then Bucky noticed how somber Steve became all of a sudden. He didn’t like that look on Steve. Not him.

So he nudged him with his shoulder. "Hey."

Steve turned to him slightly before playing with a piece of fruit with his fork.

"He'll be okay. Don't worry,” Bucky said softly as he leaned a bit to catch Steve’s eye.

Steve looked up in time and smiled but still moved the fork around. "I know. I didn't leave until I made sure he was doing fine. I'm just..."

"What?"

He put the fork down. "I'm just glad I was able to talk to him, you know...Not missed the chance…especially since I've been meaning to talk to him about something important."

"Oh.” Bucky put his fork down and took a grape, popped it into his mouth. “Your art program?"

Steve went silent for a bit and then picked his fork and started playing with the fruit again. He cleared his throat. "Um no, not that. I've been in need of advice about something for a while...And I wanted to talk to him about it face to face..."

Bucky frowned. He really hoped it wasn’t a money issue because then Steve won’t tell him if his reaction to his big donation was anything to go by.

"Well, what is it?"

“Hmm?” Steve looked surprised that Bucky asked.

“Maybe I can help.”

Steve put his fork down and Bucky noticed that he was turning red. It must be something embarrassing. Something very personal. So he decided not to press. Then Steve turned to him, but his eyes were still glued to the counter. “Uh…actually I think you can.”

“Oh?” Bucky was relieved but tried not to show it. He wanted to help in any way he could.

And then Steve let out a breathy laugh and it was few quiet seconds before he looked up. Bucky couldn’t look away. There was definitely something different in that look. His eyes were bluer than usual. Was that possible?

Bucky found himself hypnotized. Steve leaned a bit as if to tell a secret. “Bucky…”

A loud bang on the door caused Steve to jump out of the stool. Bucky laughed slightly at the horrified look on Steve. “Relax. It’s probably Sam.”

Steve chuckled nervously and ran his hand through his hair. “Shit!”

Bucky frowned while still smiling. Steve was probably jumpy after what he’d been through.

He opened the door and a very loud Sam barged in. “Where’s that fucker Rogers?”

Bucky closed the door and didn’t miss the warm look Steve gave Sam before being engulfed by his best friend. Sam gave Steve a longer hug than usual and Bucky felt how strong their friendship is. They must have been through a lot. The gesture tugged at his heart. How come he never had that? Friends? Long before the accident…before moving out here.

Then Sam broke away and punched Steve on his shoulder.

“Ow!”

“You had that coming jackass!”

“What was that for?” Steve rubbed it off and Bucky watched the interaction in amusement.

“That’s for not acting like a normal human being and calling me in the first place to pick you up from the airport.”

“I was just—“

“Nu-uh! Don’t wanna hear it.”

Bucky grabbed his bowl of fruit and handed it to Sam. “Here. This will make you feel better.”

“I cut it myself,” Steve remarked.

“Yeah?” Sam looked between the two suspiciously and then took the bowl. “Always bribin’ me, Rogers. I’m gonna hold you to that.”

Bucky watched them as they caught up with each other and felt for the first time his heart swell with warmth. He really loved living amongst them.

He had friends now.

 

~~

 

After they enjoyed the night, the reunion, ordering pizza and drinking beers, Sam left and Steve followed after helping Bucky clean up.

When they were at the door, Steve turned to Bucky. "Oh, thanks for the plane ticket. You-"

"Don't." Bucky put his hand up.

"I'll pay you back."

"If you do that, I'll donate the money to your art program."

Steve's shoulders drooped, defeated, and Bucky smirked, gloating in his victory. "Fine. Thanks again though."

Bucky stopped him in the hall, remembering something. “So you never got to tell me. That thing that I might help you with.”

Steve shook his head. “Oh, no it’s okay. I’ll just wait…for the right time.”

And Bucky stared at him until he got into his apartment across the hall and closed the door. He didn’t knowing why he felt breathless at that answer.

 

~~

 

The next day was weekend and Bucky dragged Steve to look at the three locations that Clint provided. It was apparent that Steve was still somber. Bucky certainly didn’t like that. He wanted him to go back. Return to the old Steve. The one who looked like a happy golden retriever at every part of the day.

Clint, ever the fixer, was able to contact the landlords of each and have them wait for them. After they scouted all three, Steve decided on the one near their place. It was three blocks down from their building. It was a perfect location also for the cafes around and food joints.

Steve stood in the middle of the hardwood floor of the studio and circled around. “See, Bucky. I think this is a good space. Not too big or too small. This is really the best of the options Clint gave us. We can put the supplies here.” And he went to the big open closet in the corner. Almost skipping his way there. Then he turned around the crossed to the middle of the room and started pointing out. “Students can spread there with the easels…”

He trailed off when he saw that Bucky was smiling his way in awe. He blushed. “Sorry. Got too excited.”

“As you should. This is good.” Bucky put his hands in his pockets, sighing in relief. He felt joyful at the change in Steve. He looked excited. A man with a purpose. There was no trace of the sadness that was there last night. Bucky hoped he’d keep looking like that and not relapse.

Bucky walked around and looked out the huge windows that had a view of the neighborhood. “The windows are great, right? I made sure Clint took that into consideration…to have sunlight, you know…is it good?” and he checked all the windows and their view until he stopped at one and checked the people walking down the street.

“Perfect,” Steve whispered.

“Hmm?” Bucky turned and Steve quickly looked away and motioned at the windows.

“The windows. Sunlight is perfect for painting. Perfect angles too.”

“Okay. I’m gonna stop you right there ‘cause I’ll never understand painting.”

“You know,” Steve started as he put his hands in his pockets and then pulled them out, wringing them together. He looked nervous and Bucky took a step forward.

“You okay?”

“Yeah…it’s just…you know you’re welcome to join our sessions now. Just 'cause we won't be at the park, doesn't mean you can't join us.”

“Oh, really?”

“Yeah. It’s not gonna be a problem at all. I mean…it’s near finals now. The program will be on hiatus now until we get everything settled. Make everything official. I’m aiming for mid-summer.”

Bucky walked up to him. “That’s good. Glad you have a clear plan.”

“So?” Steve looked at him, hopeful, and Bucky forgot the question.

“What?”

“You gonna visit us?”

That hope in his face made him blurt out. “I’d like that. Thanks.” Moments later Bucky realized what he just agreed to. This won’t be like the park. This was going to be a different place. This was close-quartered. Students could see him up close and might interact with him or worse carry out a conversation. He started feeling anxious then all of a sudden his eyes fell on Steve as he looked at him, smiling. Joyful.

Bucky let out a deep breath. He forced a smile and gave Steve two thumbs up. Steve chuckled at him.

That was why. For Steve. He would say yes if it meant having Steve laugh like that.

 

~~

 

A week passed by and Bucky watched as Steve got back to be engrossed with school. His work took most of his time and he only saw his two neighbors when Sam would invite him over every other night to play video games.

Clint had finalized the deal for them with the landlord and Sam once again exclaimed during one of those nights.

“When am I gonna meet this guy? I’m starting to think he’s fictional.”

Bucky sipped his beer. “Trust me. He’s real and he’s a pain in my ass.”

Steve chocked on his beer, laughing.

 

~~

 

The week after that Steve was able to follow up with his classes and cover them. He told Bucky that he’d start moving into the studio. Clint offered to send them-according to him-the best moving company there was, but Steve declined. He wanted to do it himself with the help from his friends. It didn't call for that. Bucky agreed to help him. So instead of going to the park around three, Bucky would head to the school and Steve would be loading the boxes in Sam’s car. That was how the first day went. After that, Steve would get out of school to pick up Bucky and then head back there.

“It’s a waste of your money coming taking a cab every time,” Steve had said smiling.

 

It had been three days of them setting up the studio. They didn't do much. For now, they’d just put the boxes inside the studio and then leave to have beers at the end of the day with Sam.

They estimated that they needed one more day to get everything transported to the new place. Bucky went home and filled Clint in with his daily activities.

“Why can’t he just let me help? I can send guys with a press of a button.”

“Who are you? Stark?” Bucky asked jokingly as he fixed himself a sandwich for dinner.

“Well, I can ask Stark if you want,” Clint answered back.

Bucky took a bite of his sandwich. “You know. What is it with you and Stark? What’s your deal? How come I’ve never heard you talk about him before?”

There was a moment where Clint talked to someone at his end and then said, “What do you mean? I did tell you, Bucky.”

“No, like in the last ten years we’ve known each other…”

“He’s not a close friend.” And Clint cleared his throat. Bucky heard him talk to a someone. A barista apparently.

“The guy has a nickname for you.” Bucky chuckled.

“No, he doesn’t!” Clint sounded appalled.

“Yes, he does.” Bucky took his sandwich and sat on the couch, feet on the table. “He called ya Hawk…what’s all that about?”

“I _so_ don’t know what you’re talking about Bucky—thanks darlin’”

“Or was it Hawkguy? Or maybe Hawkeye-“ Bucky really wondered which was it.

“Bucky, if you knew Stark, you wouldn’t pay attention. He has a PI and robots all around for God’s sake…”

And then a strange thought came to him. “Oh my God Clint, you’re not fucking him are you?” Bucky asked as he chocked on his coffee.

Clint chocked at his end too. “What? No, God no! What the hell Bucky? I’ve been courting the redhead this long-“

“Stalking,” Bucky stressed. “And she has a name—“

“I'm not into guys, neither is Stark, you doofus. He’s married to the sweetest woman ever. I still don’t know what she wants to do with him.”

“That’s love, Barton.” Bucky found himself yearning for that kind of connection. _Wait, what the hell?_

Clint sighed. “Just like the one I have with redhead.”

“YOU DON’T HAVE HER LOVE. Stop harassing her for God’s sake. If you loved her, you’d call her by her name jackass.”

“As much as I’d love to talk about my love life, I have business to attend to. Unlike you, I still have a job.”

Bucky laughed. “Fuck you, man.”

“Love you too. Bye.”

And they hung up with Bucky still chuckling at his ridiculous friend.

 

~~

 

“How the hell is it raining right now?” Bucky shouted under the heavy pouring rain as he tried to navigate his way to the building of the new studio. He was carrying the last box and his hair was merciless, plastering all over his face. He cursed himself for leaving his cap at home.

In front of him Steve was already carrying two boxes, and laughing at Bucky. “Welcome to Ohio.”

“It was literally sunny a few minutes ago. Oh my God!” Bucky kicked the door shut behind him. There were three steps leading to the open and vast studio. Steve had already set up the two boxes. The hardwood floor was newly cleaned and freshened which caused Bucky to suddenly lose his footing and slip, falling on his back.

“Bucky!”

And it was a good thing that he immediately supported himself on his metal elbow but it didn’t stop the impact. It didn't help either. He fell so quick and hard and flat on his back. Ironically, he was still clutching the box. A loud laugh erupted from the other side of the room.

Bucky huffed as he felt the air leave his lungs for few seconds. There were footsteps coming his way and he closed his eyes. _I’m such a klutz!_

He can feel Steve hovering over him. “You okay?” he asked through giggles.

Bucky opened one eye. “I hate you.”

Steve chuckled. “No, you don’t.”

“Yes, I do!” Bucky squeezed his eyes shut, feigning anger.

“No, you don’t.” And the traitor laughed more. “I love that you’re still clutching the box.” And he went to take it from his hands. “Let go Bucky.”

Bucky let go and spread his arms wide and kept taking deep breaths. Steve crouched. “How many fingers am I holding?”

Bucky refused to open his eyes and covered his face with one arm. “God. That was embarrassing.”

Steve patted his chest twice and then rested his hand there. That got Bucky to still and then peak from under his arm. Steve was looking at him trying so hard not to laugh. Bucky flushed, slapped Steve’s hand away and sat up.

“Ow!” Bucky touched the back of his head. His hair is soaked from the rain. Feeling his hand around the back of his head, he felt there was a small bump there.

“You okay?” Steve asked, worried this time.

Bucky leaned away from Steve’s outstretched hand. “Stay away. You laughed.”

Steve smiled. “I didn’t.”

“Oh my God. Yes, you did.” Then Bucky went dramatic with the sweep of his arm around, trying not to smile through it. “And here I am being an amazing friend, risking my life under this horrendous weather, helping you, carrying boxes and-”

“Shut up Bucky and let me look.” And Steve sat behind him on his knees, and gently touched the back of his head. Bucky stilled all of a sudden and willed his heart not to burst out of his chest.

“Put you head down so I can check," Steve instructed softly.

“Steve, it’s okay. I was only kidding—“

And he gasped as Steve’s fingers thread through his hair. It had nothing to do with the pain. Then he heard Steve’s soft voice. “You okay?”

Bucky gulped and silently sent out a prayer to God to help him get through this. “Yeah.” He cringed when it came out breathy.

Then Steve’s fingers carded through his hair until he reached the bump. He rubbed gently on the sore spot and Bucky shivered slightly at the gentle touch.

“Well, the good news is there’s no blood. But I think you’ll have a bump. Maybe not.”

Bucky chuckled nervously. “That’s fine. I love bumps.” And then grimaced at his answer. He quickly got up, to get away from the warmth to his back that was Steve. Bucky rubbed his head and nervously looked around. “Let’s open the windows, yeah?”

When he glanced back, he saw that Steve was still on his knees, looking his way like he was tracking Bucky’s movements. Bucky looked away as he started his mission to open the first window. He just wanted some fresh air even if it was raining.

“What the fuck?” he said as he looked outside.

It was sunny. Like the heavy rain didn’t just drench them. He looked Steve’s way who was still sitting on his knees but this time he was studying his hands.

“What?” Steve muttered softly and he got up, heading to some other room.

Bucky didn’t know how to interpret that but looked back outside the window, pointing out. “The sun is out.”

Steve came back over with paper towel from what was apparently a bathroom, handing it over. “Sorry, no towels.” And he started drying his own head and back of his neck.

“Thanks,” Bucky said as he took some from him.

“You should be used to our weather by now,” Steve remarked as he picked one of the boxes and put it on the table in the corner. He started taking out the supplies, checking them over, and Bucky wanted to help but the sunlight felt amazing.

He sat on the wide windowsill and opened the windows. “It’s so nice. Oh my God.”

And he closed his eyes, smiling as the sun hit his face; sighing and leaning back. He thought he should send Clint a text thanking him for finding this amazingly-designed studio. He could sit here when Steve would work with his students later on.

The quiet moment he was having was interrupted by a soft mutter of “God Almighty…”

Bucky opened his eyes and looked to his right. He must have imagined it because he found Steve staring at him. It was seconds before Steve looked away and clumsily dropped the paintbrushes he was inspecting. “Shit!”

Bucky got up and walked to him. Steve crouched collecting the brushes, and Bucky got down to help him. “You okay Steve?”

“Yeah, yeah…just got…” Hee looked up and Bucky stopped. He was looking at him strangely. Almost reverently.

“What?” Bucky asked, apprehensive. Was there something on his face? Was he bleeding? He unconsciously ran his hand through his hair all the way to the back of his head. Yup, there was a bump.

“I gotta paint you,” Steve breathed.

Bucky was taken aback for a second and he stared at him not knowing what to say. The request was very sudden. Steve then apparently realized what he had just said and chuckled, lowering his head. There was a faint blush on his cheeks.

“Uh…sorry. That came out wrong. What I meant was…” and Steve looked up. “Will you sit for me?”

Bucky felt his face warming up at the idea. He looked away and continued gathering the scattered new paintbrushes. “I…um…honestly don’t know what to say.” Suddenly, he remembered when Sam told him that Steve had stopped painting for a while. This was the first time he declared he wanted to paint. Bucky made up his mind.

“It’s just,” Steve started. “I’m feeling inspired these days and I got no one who wants to sit for me. Nat did it once and almost killed me at the end, declaring that I had wasted her day. And Sam also did and I don’t think he’ll agree to a new one…”

“Steve—“

Steve was collecting the brushes and Bucky noticed he was shaking a bit. “I mean you don’t have to but there’s no one—“

“I’ll do it,” Bucky said, smiling for reassurance.

Steve’s eyes widened his way. “You would?”

Bucky handed him the brushes. “Yeah. Sure. It’s no big deal.”

Steve sighed in relief. “Thanks. Thank you so much.”

“Yeah. Relax. Anything to help.”

“Great.”

But then there will be a painting of him. Bucky gulped and fear and anxiety started bubbling inside of him.

“I can’t wait to paint. I miss it.” Steve patted him on the shoulder as he got up.

Bucky found himself smiling up at his friend. The fear and anxiety dissipated slowly at the sight of a very smiley Steve.

 

~~

 

That night Bucky couldn’t sleep. He was feeling anxious about the upcoming painting session. What should he wear? How would Steve want him to pose?

He groaned at the impending awkwardness. Not only would he be under the scrutinizing eyes of an artist, a painter. He would be under the eyes of Steve. He felt his cheeks burn at the thought.

“Fuck!”

He caught himself thinking about later. What would Steve do with the painting? Would he hang it? Or worse, would he auction it online?

_Damn it!_

“Nah…unlikely without telling me.”

But the excitement and eagerness Steve was showing flashed before his eyes. He was obviously inspired by God knows what. Bucky understood that. Steve was an artist. He was one too in a way. Waiting for that inspiration, for that spark of creativity.

“Oh God,” he whined. He turned off the lights and headed to bed. He opened the window in his bedroom. Sticking his head outside, he inhaled deeply. That relaxed him a bit.

He was just about to open a newly borrowed book when his cell phone rang. It was Clint.

Bucky didn’t say anything as he picked up. Only sighed loudly.

Clint chuckled. “I need you to be in a good mood.”

Bucky straightened up in bed. “Well, try not to call me before I go to bed.”

“How would I know that? I’m not a wizard Bucky.”

“Pshh. You know everything Barton.” Bucky fluffed the pillow behind him. “Okay. What’s up?”

“I swear to God if you hang up on me now, I’ll kill you.”

Bucky frowned. “Normally, I’d say you’re bluffing…but your voice is worrying me now. I gotta tell ya. I have two very well-built friends that would stop you.”

Clint whistled. “Look at you…”

“Out with it.”

“Sydney Williams called me.” And Clint paused knowing fully well that Bucky would need to process.

Bucky felt his heart stop beating for seconds then jump back up. Sydney was one of the most successful directors in the business. Famed for his unique approach and vision, also, for his indie films. Bucky had never worked with him but it had been one of his dreams.

“Bucky?”

He gulped. “Here.”

“He wants you for a part. It’s not the lead but there’s a significant part where he only pictures you doing it.”

Bucky touched his chest as he felt it constricting. He didn't want another panic attack. So he found himself walking out his bedroom and heading to the door of his apartment. He opened it and just stared at Steve's door across the hall. Seeing that door, knowing that Steve was there, calmed him a bit. Feeling slightly better, he asked, “What did you say?”

“I didn’t give him an answer of course. I said I’d talk to you and see.” Clint sounded serious and being serious wasn’t his forte.

“I…”

“Listen, you can think about…”

And Bucky closed the door softly and headed back to bed. He let Clint ramble while he tuned out everything. He thought of his previous life. The lights, the cameras, the eyes, the noise. Closing his eyes, he heard the crickets outside. The quietness consuming him. The tranquility…

“No,” Bucky said softly.

“Bucky…”

“No, Clint. I don’t think I wanna go back.” He felt himself relax at the admission. “Like...never.”

There were few seconds before Clint spoke softly, “You sound sure.”

Bucky chuckled lightly at the epiphany he was having. “I don’t miss it. The faking and hypocrisy of it all. The hiding...I just…”

“You’re hiding now Buck,” Clint said with no heat behind it.

Bucky laughed slightly at that. “Not that kinda hiding and you know what I mean. I can go around, walking for God’s sake to wherever I want, and no one bats an eye. Did you know that I didn’t wear my cap for all throughout this past week?”

“That’s great, Buck. You know that was my goal. For you to take a break.”

Bucky closed his eyes and took deep breaths. “I want it to continue this way.”

The fact of what he had decided just now was seeping through him, and he found himself excited at the prospect of not going back there. He had to call his mom and sister to tell them.

“Bucky, I can tell him no but you don’t have to walk away. Acting is your passion. And you’re fucking amazing at it.”

He rubbed his forehead. “I’m not saying I’ll quit acting…it’s Hollywood. I wanna quit it. I’m not going back there, Clint.”

“Wow.” Then Clint snickered. “This has nothing to do with Rogers, right?”

“Nah. This is me. I honestly just realized that.” Bucky slid back on his bed until he was flat on it. Somehow he felt weightless. “Maybe seeing how Steve, Sam and the people here live contributed…Their lives are so…peaceful, not judged. I want that.”

“Well, I’ll be damned.” Clint sighed. “You don’t think you’ll change your mind later on?”

Bucky ran his hand through his hair. “I’m not quitting acting, Clint. I’d still like to do theater. Wanna go back to my roots. So, if you have that for me-”

“Really? Fuck, why didn’t you say that…Jesus! My brain was running a mile a second thinking of what to do with you—“

“Your not my mom—“

“Someone has to look after you.” Clint let out a laugh. “Oh, I’m so relieved. Okay. I’ll see what I can do.”

“Not now though. I’m liking what I’m doing at the moment.”

“Which is nothing.”

Bucky smiled as he snuggled in under the covers. “No, not nothing. Living.”

 

~~

 

Bucky and Steve decided on the following weekend for the painting session. Steve was busy with his classes and the preparation of the studio. Bucky met him every evening after school to tidy up the studio. Steve decided to stack the newly delivered chairs on the side of the space until they actually start the program mid summer.

By Saturday afternoon, Bucky was already on the phone with an eager Steve.

“Hurry up. We need to start because the light is perfect now.”

“Oh, okay. I’m on my way,” Bucky said as he scrambled for his shoes.

“And don’t worry. I got coffee this time.”

“I’ll be there.”

And he hung up and cursed. He forgot to ask him what to wear. Then he thought maybe it didn’t matter. He would wear whatever was comfortable to him. God knows how long he was gonna sit there.

He cringed when he thought about the process. Just sitting there, being under the observant eyes of Steve.

“Whyyyyyy?” he whined in his apartment.

 

~~

 

“Okay—oh, wow. This is new,” Bucky said as he closed the door and hopped the three steps to the studio. He saw two desks, several of easels and empty bookshelves nailed to the side of the wall.

“Hey!” Steve showed up from behind some boxes, almost tripping on his way to him. “You made it.”

Bucky chuckled at him. “Of course. When did this happen?" He pointed at the shelves.

"This morning. Delivery came and I had to be here."

“You could’ve called me so I could help out.”

"Nah, it's fine."

"What are you gonna put there?"

"Oh, I thought we could have a book corner. I asked Jane to provide us with books about everything art, you know. I mean, the kids can read during break time. Get informed."

Bucky nodded, impressed. "That's an amazing idea, Steve."

"Thanks," he said, blushing a bit. "Jane said we should provide literature too. Classics too, just for fun. She'll bring them soon."

Bucky nodded as he appreciated them, then looked back at Steve and extended his hand. "Where’s my coffee, Steve?”

Steve shook his head, smiling. He handed him his cup and then a box. "We have cupcakes!”

Bucky noticed that he was acting a bit nervous and he was relieved. At least he wasn’t the only one. It was probably the fact of him returning to painting after a long hiatus. Bucky understood that.

“Oh, these look festive,” Bucky marveled as he grabbed one.

Steve chuckled. “Yeah. It’s Darcy. Jane’s friend. She’s a baker and owns a cupcake store. She wanted to test new recipes.”

“What’s this one?” Bucky raised an elaborately-decorated one.

“That’s pistachio.”

Bucky moaned at the taste and then giggled as he felt the frosting on his nose. He wiped it. "Wow. You can tell Darcy that she could go ahead with this one."

 

~~

 

Despite his fear and nerves, the session went great. Steve set up a big canvas on an old looking easel and asked Bucky to sit on the same windowsill he sat on days ago. He wanted him to fold his left leg under him while the right one on the floor. Thankfully, Steve wasn't picky on his choice of clothes-jeans with a black and white plaid shirt on-and told him to relax. He did though want him to lean back, head toward the window a bit, as if he were looking down the street.

Bucky was wrong when he thought that it would be awkward. He had his coffee with him and Steve kept asking him to describe the people passing by just to pass the time. Bucky started and enjoyed the whole thing, leading him to create stories that go with those people.

"Oh, those elderly couple look like they've been married for...forty years?"

"Fifty!" Steve said, smiling.

"A hundred," Bucky turned to him, smirking.

"Aw Bucky! Don't move. Just for few seconds."

"Sorry, sorry." He turned back to the same position. "They probably hate each other."

Steve snickered. "No, they don't."

"A hundred years of hatred."

"Oh my God. Would you stop?" Steve tried to stop the laughter bubbling through him.

"It would be a great name for a movie," Bucky said as he turned toward Steve. "I'd watch it."

"Hey!"

Bucky giggled at Steve's resentment.

He didn't really know why Sam or Nat don't sit for Steve anymore. It was fun!

 

~~

 

The next day was the same and Steve recommended that Bucky wears the same outfit.

There were different cupcakes this time and very delicious coffee. Steve, however, looked more nervous. He fidgeted and cursed softly as he changed brushes. Bucky would glance toward him but most of the time he wanted to keep to the pose.

"You good, Steve?" He called out.

"Yeah." Then he huffed loudly. "I think..."

When he didn't continue, Bucky turned around, adjusting his posture so he was facing Steve. He looked flustered. "What?"

"Do you mind if I change something?"

"Not at all. Do whatever you want."

What Bucky said seemed to have been like magic spell for Steve switched completely. He was no longer nervous, flustered or fidgety. He looked calm, focused and determined. Then he strode toward Bucky like a guy on a mission.

Bucky’s eyes were tracking him as he started to reach for his hair.

“May I?” Steve asked, pointing at Bucky’s hair which was held back in a messy bun.

Bucky gulped. “Yeah.”

“It’s just better if…” And Steve bit his lower lip and frowned in concentration as he gently pulled few strands here and there, framing a side of Bucky’s face.

All the while Bucky was very aware of his own shallow breathing. And it was sad how he kept reminding himself…inhale, exhale. Inhale, exhale…

Steve was standing close too him. Yet, Bucky understood. Steve was an artist. It was probably a profile thing or an angle or something. Bucky closed his eyes and waited for this torture to end. His mind replayed how long those photoshoots he used to go through. He could get through this.

When he didn’t feel the gentle fingers anymore, he figured that the problem was solved. As soon as he opened his eyes, he wished he didn’t. Steve was standing there, very close. He was looking at Bucky. Searching. No longer focusing on the hair.

Bucky whispered, “Steve?”

Steve’s stepped closer, standing between Bucky’s legs. There was no more appropriate space between them. Bucky felt his skin burn and his heart started going a mile a second, his chest was rising and falling so fast he felt like an asthma attack was inevitable. He never had asthma!

“I just…” Steve started. “What happened to my uncle…put things into perspective, you know?”

Bucky cleared his throat. Where did that come from? What was Steve trying to say? He didn’t know how to answer that but Steve didn’t let him when he laughed slightly and continued. “Uh…it just made me realize that life is really short. People should just take chances and never think twice about what they want. What they really want.”

Steve raised his hands and framed Bucky’s face. Bucky froze even though he wanted to move. To stop Steve from going any further. To run. Only his eyes were the ones moving frantically, looking for something in Steve’s face. Steve wasn’t looking at him the same way, friendly and warmly. This one, this look was different. A look full of longing and fear but also…want.

Then it happened. Steve’s eyes zeroed in on his lips and Bucky unconsciously licked them. Very slowly Bucky watched as Steve started leaning toward him. There was this moment where his mind went blank. He didn’t know what the hell was Steve gonna do by leaning over toward his face. It only clicked when he felt the warm breath ghosting his cheeks. Bucky was so scared he thought his heart might stop.

“Steve, wait,” he whispered.

Steve halted and his eyes flickered up at him. Bucky couldn’t handle him this close. Couldn’t handle those blue ones. So he closed his own eyes and tried to take a deep, calm breath. After he inhaled deeply, he felt Steve’s forehead touching his.

They stayed quiet for a moment, only their labored breaths were heard, loud enough for them to take a second to gather their wits. At least that was what Bucky was doing.

“What are you doing?” Bucky asked helplessly.

Steve caressed his cheek and chuckled a bit. “Isn’t it obvious?”

And when he felt Steve trying to close the gap between them again, Bucky raised his hand and rested it on Steve’s chest, not pushing. Just to stop. The gesture was clear enough for Steve. He stepped back but his hands were still around Bucky’s face and he was still between Bucky’s legs.

“Is there someone else?” Steve asked, his voice breaking.

Bucky opened his eyes at this and saw fear and doubt in the blue eyes. How could he think that he had someone? He practically spends every day with him. It surprised him that that was Steve’s worry.

Bucky shook his head and Steve ran the back of his fingers over one cheekbone. “Then what is it?” He asked, confused.

Bucky didn’t know what to say. He couldn’t form any thought while Steve was touching him like this. Intimately. Instead, his mouth stupidly blurted, “Aren’t you straight?”

Steve’s eyes widened and then he chuckled, dropping his hands from Bucky’s face. But he didn’t move away. “I don’t like labels but if it matters to you, I’m bi.”

“Oh.” And that was all he could say. All this time he was under the impression that Steve was not into guys. How did he misread him? Then he felt a hand on his shoulder and the other coming up to caress the back of his neck.

_Where’s all this coming from? Why now?_

“Somehow I don’t think that’s why you stopped me,” Steve remarked and there was a serious tone in his voice.

Bucky thought he could just push him away and leave. Laugh at all of this. But this was Steve. And Bucky realized that he had feelings for him and it was obvious that Steve returned them too. But Bucky couldn’t. Not when he still didn’t come clean to him.

He cleared his throat, cast his eyes down and stared at his hands in his lap. He had to keep them there. There was no way he was going to let himself touch Steve or else he would lose his resolve. “I’m not good at this, Steve.”

“Define ‘this’? You mean kissing? ‘Cause I honestly believe that you,” and he sighed tracing Bucky’s lips tentatively with his thumb. “I think you’d be great at it. Maybe brilliant…or magical.” And he was smiling and Bucky felt like Steve was trying to lighten up the mood. But Bucky’s heart was still beating like crazy. He still looked up at him sadly.

“I meant relationships.”

“Why don’t you let me worry about that?” Steve said as his eyes roamed his face fondly. Bucky kept staring at him. Telling himself that now...now. _Tell him now. This is it. This is your window._

But Steve’s hands were warm, his breath fresh, and his eyes. _Dear god_ , the way he looked at him. Instead, Bucky found himself holding on to Steve’s white t-shirt again. Then Steve leaned over and when he was mere inches away from his lips, Bucky whispered brokenly, “You deserve better.”

“You’re better.”

And Steve closed the distance between them. Bucky welcomed the warm, sweet lips on his. He didn’t kiss back as his mind thought of everything. How would he tell Steve? Would he get mad? Would he just shrug and kiss him again?

Bucky felt his eyes getting teary. He didn’t want to hurt him. But he concluded that whether he kissed back or not, Steve would be the one who'd get hurt. His stillness tipped off Steve for he pulled back but not too far. He sighed in frustration.

He touched his forehead to Bucky. “Gosh…I should tell him that his advice wasn’t on point.” And he looked brokenly at Bucky as he stepped away, far away. “He told me to follow my heart and I had to summon so much courage,” he whispered hotly. “I’m so sorry Bucky, I feel so stupid…”

And Bucky couldn’t do it. His mind supplied him with what he confessed to Clint few days ago. He had quit his old life. He wasn't James Barnes, Hollywood accomplished actor. He won't be that person again. He won't go back. He was Bucky Barnes, an unemployed avid reader. He was himself.

So, he couldn’t stop himself. He surged toward Steve, taking him by surprise. Steve almost yelped and staggered back when Bucky held the back of Steve’s head forcefully and crashed their lips together. A moan escaped Steve and something snapped inside Bucky. His hands roamed the golden hair and the nape of his neck. His lips just devoured him like he had always fantasized. Those pink, lush lips were finally his. He was tasting them for real.

And they tasted divine.

He felt Steve move back, pulling Bucky to the wall next to the window. Away from curious eyes. Bucky pushed him against it and resumed kissing, not wasting any second.

"Oh my God," Steve let out between kisses.

"Yeah," Bucky breathed when he pulled back only to kiss across Steve's face. He kissed every inch of his jaw, something he'd wanted to do for a very long time. He smiled as he bit his chin lightly, causing Steve to moan in pleasure.

"Fuck, Bucky."

He went to kiss back but the air left him as Steve flipped them, crushing Bucky to the wall instead. He kissed Bucky thoroughly, tongue and all. His hands held Bucky's face still as he explored his mouth in the most pleasurable way. Bucky couldn't believe it. And it was better than he ever imagined. 

He pulled back, in need of air. Bucky's hands roamed Steve's back, bunching up his t-shirt. He wanted skin. He felt dizzy with want and his breathing labored.

"Steve..."

Steve was busy kissing Bucky's neck, making Bucky's head thud back in pleasure. He couldn't concentrate, so he let his hands rest on Steve's shoulders instead. Let Steve do all the work for few seconds.

"I've dreamed of this for a long time," Steve admitted in a soft, breathy voice.

Bucky's brain couldn't comprehend that. Was this real?

"Shit!" Bucky winced as Steve bit his neck.

They kiss for few more seconds, groaning and moaning when they started grinding against each other. Then Bucky felt cold as Steve was no longer flushed against him. He gasped as he saw Steve drop to his knees all of a sudden. Bucky's hands flailed, holding on to Steve's shoulders. "What...what are...you doing?" He was breathless and his question felt like broken meaningless words.

"I mean...it's been a while..." Steve was breathing hard, and his eyes were dark with desire. "But I've been told I'm pretty good at this."

Bucky shook his head in disbelief. Who knew that Steve could be this....eager.

As much as the idea was tempting, Bucky didn't want to rush. It was too late though. Steve's hands held on to his hips, his right hand fingers holding on to the waistband of his pants in a desperate grip as he buried his face in his denim-covered cock.

"Oh God! Jesus Christ!" Bucky gasped loudly.

"Bucky..." Steve breathed loudly as he nuzzled his face there. "You have no idea how much I've wanted to do this..."

Bucky's flesh hand rested on Steve's head, fingers tangling in his short hair while the metal one was bracing himself on the wall. His brain short-circuited the moment Steve touched him there.

"Bucky, I want..." He sounded breathless as he waited for permission; his face buried there. Bucky tried to gather the strength to verbalize the words, anything really. But all that came out of his mouth was his labored breath. He closed his eyes in hope of composing himself for at least few seconds.

"Hellooo, I got your deliver...Oh my God! Oh, I'm so sorry. I..." A very feminine voice called from afar.

And Bucky's eyes shot open as he saw Jane Foster turn around, her back to them. There seemed to be a box in her hands. His brain tried to supply him with the required command of action but he just froze in horror.

Steve whipped around, falling on his ass in the process. He was red-faced as he stood up quickly, few feet away from Bucky.

"Jane!"

"I'm so sorry. I knocked but there wasn't an answer. When I tried the door, and found it open, I thought I could just leave the box inside. The books you ordered are here." She rambled so fast as she tried to put the box down where she was. Steve sprang up, and took it from her. Her back was still to Bucky, her shoulders hunched and Bucky face-palmed in embarrassment and leaned back on the wall.

He never wanted anyone to see him in such a compromising situation, let alone her. He was going to punch Steve later, that's for sure.

"Steve, I didn't mean-" Jane started, not looking at Steve.

"No, it's okay Jane. It's not your fault-"

"Still. I...well, I gotta go. Bye." Jane hurried to the door.

Bucky watched from between his fingers as she paused, looked back. "Sorry Bucky." And then quickly head out.

After he heard the door shut, he groaned loudly and slid down the wall, sitting on the floor. "Oh my God."

Steve giggle and Bucky uncovered his face, staring daggers at him. He pointed at him. "You! Stay away from me."

Steve laughed out loud and then walked slowly toward Bucky.

"Don't come any closer, Rogers. I'm mad at you."

"No, you're not," Steve said as he sat in front of him, legs folded under him. He put his hands on Bucky's knees, rubbing them softly.

"How am I gonna borrow books now? Where can I find another perfect bookstore?" He groaned again.

"It's okay, Bucky. Jane is cool. Plus, it happens."

Bucky wiped his face in frustration. "Easy for you to say."

Steve's face flushed as he said, "I'd like...I'd like to take you on a date. Preferably soon. Like tonight."

Bucky huffed out a soft laugh. "Oh, you wanna be formal now? You almost gave me a blowjob few minutes ago."

This time it was Steve who groaned and dropped his head to Bucky's knee. "Well, if you were pining for as long as I have, you would've forgiven me for my impulse."

Bucky's face softened at the admission. He carded his fingers through Steve's hair. The admission came easily to him too. "Not as long as me, I assure you."

His hand fell back to his lap when Steve raised his head and sat back up. His blue eyes looked at him softly. "Yeah?"

Bucky felt his heart in his throat. Emotions overwhelmed him and he didn't trust himself to speak.

So he answered Steve by leaning in and laying a soft kiss on his lips.

"It's a date, then?" Steve whispered against his lips.

"It's a date." Bucky went back to kissing him.

 

 

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _I found God..._   
>  _I found him in a lover_
> 
>  
> 
> Halsey's Coming Down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long delay. I've finally found the right energy to continue this fic. Hopefully you'll enjoy the update. Everything has been outlined, even the ending is set. I'll be updating regularly this time. God willing.
> 
> Now on with the story :)

 

 

“Slow down,” Bucky almost shouted through the evening as Steve held his hand, running toward their building that appeared before their eyes.

 

They finished two more hours of painting. Steve was totally professional after he went back to paint. He was unstoppable to the point that Bucky stopped pointing out the people outside-narrating their lives- and enjoyed the sound of paint brushing on canvas.

After they were done with the session, Steve closed everything and the both of them walked down the blocks heading back home. When they saw the building appearing before them, Steve held his hand and asked him to run with him.

 

Now, they were giggling inside the quiet building. Steve refused to use the elevators and ran up the stairs, dragging Bucky over the steps.

“Come on, Bucky. Hurry up!”

“Jesus! What’s gotten into you?” Bucky asked, laughing.

They reached the landing and Steve turned and pulled Bucky with him towards his place.

"Can't wait for tonight." Steve’s eyes were full of excitement.

"Me too," Bucky said, smiling.

"Come here," Steve muttered before he tugged him forward and started kissing him.

It was still disorienting for Bucky that this could happen. That it _was_ happening. The kiss was soft at first but then Steve ran his hands through his hair and Bucky shivered. He moaned when Steve licked inside his mouth.

Bucky pushed him back against the door, making a thudding sound. It exhilarated him that he could finally have this. Have Steve. Kiss him. Hold him.

A smile broke on his face, making him break the kiss in the process.

Steve’s hands sneaked around and gripped the back of his head, crushing their lips together. It was as if he thought Bucky was pulling away. As if he didn’t want any space between them.

That drove Bucky crazy.

“Fuck, Steve…maybe we should…”

“Shhh…” Steve muttered as he nibbled on Bucky’s lower lip.

Bucky huffed out a laugh, making Steve slide his lips to his jaw. Bucky’s hands dropped to Steve’s hips, holding him close to him. He opened his eyes to the ceiling and whispered laughingly, “What did we leave for the date then?”

A growl erupted from Steve who went back and devoured Bucky’s lips, his arms were almost trying to squeeze Bucky tight. Bucky couldn’t help but push against the door, joining the frantic and passionate response.

Suddenly, he felt Steve falling backwards, breaking the kiss. In a split second, Bucky realized that the door had opened and both of them were falling back to the ground. His instinct was to land on his hands but Steve was with him. So, he circled Steve with his right hand, leaving his metal one to support them both. It hit the floor, and as he hoped, held them upright. And Steve was safe in his arms.

They both grunted and groaned nonetheless.

"Hmm, I'm not gonna say I told you so but," and Sam leaned until he peered closely at them, especially directly at Steve’s face. "I told you so."

Bucky was confused when he looked up at Sam. He asked breathlessly, "Wait, what?"

Steve blushed, shaking his head. "Don't listen to him."

Bucky got up, pulling a red-faced Steve with him. He fixed his hair and fixed his clothes and tried his best not to look at a smirking Sam. Bucky already felt his face reddening.

"You hurt?" Bucky asked softly, his hands running over Steve’s sides. 

"No, I'm okay," Steve answered. "You okay?" And he rubbed Bucky’s flesh arm. Then he brought the metal hand and cradled it, inspecting it.

"Oh my God...it's starting," Sam said, sighing loudly. 

They both looked embarrassed and then Bucky started to back away. He didn’t want to deal with Sam learning about them getting together. He’d leave that to Steve. He saw them tangled seconds ago, so…

"I'll see you later."

"I'll pick you up at 8. So that's in two hours," Steve replied.

Sam groaned. "Oh, Steve. He's literally across the hall."

Steve tackled Sam, covering his mouth. "Shut up!" 

Bucky decided to spare Steve and closed the door after him, chuckling to himself. 

  

~~~

 

Bucky dialed Clint’s number and waited as he paced his bedroom.

“Yes. Did you change your mind?” Clint asks, breathless.

Bucky frowned. “What? No. Can’t you answer your phone in a normal manner for once.”

Clint sounded like he was out of breath. Bucky asked, “What are you doing? You okay?”

“Jogging. You know, getting in shape.”

“Since when, Barton?”

“Since I’m gonna win that cold heart of hers.”

Bucky just dropped his whole body on bed, face down. “Okay. I’ll just ignore that.”

“What’s up?”

“Umm…” His heart started beating fast. He couldn’t believe what he was going to say next. “I have a date.”

There was a loud cursing and sound of crashing at the other end. Bucky lifted his head up and supported himself on his elbows. “Clint?”

“I almost tripped. Shit!” Clint inhaled deeply. “Did you just say you had a date?”

“Yes,” Bucky answered, rolling his eyes.

“Okay. Well, do I have to do some background check-”

“Clint, it’s Steve.”

There was a moment of silence and then, “It’s Steve? Steve Rogers?”

Bucky got up and sat on his bed, crossing his legs under him. He felt his ears ringing as if he were a teenager again. “Yeah.”

“How the _fuck_ did you go from ‘I don’t have a crush on the guy’ to ‘I’m having a date with the guy’?”

“Umm…I don't know how-what-"

"Bucky, are you blushing?"

"No!" And he was glad Clint couldn’t see him. He put the back of his hand on his cheek and he felt it warm.

"You're not a teenager, dude. Oh my god, you were ever the player during your days. You'd string guys along...remember the many times I had to do damage control?"

"That was a loooong time ago, asshole-"

"I know-"

"It's just...this is Steve." His voice softened. "He matters. He may even be..."

"Be what, Bucky?" Clint prompted gently.

Bucky felt his heart was going to beat right out of his chest. He had never felt this way about anybody before. Clint thankfully spoke up again. 

"Listen, Bucky, I didn't choose your apartment in that neighborhood randomly."

Bucky paused at that and realized he had been pacing in his bedroom. He remembered how Clint was determined that he lives here. He remembered that call. 

"I know everyone in that building of yours..."

"Clint..."

"He's a good guy. Like...really good, upstanding gentleman. He won't hurt you, Bucky."

"I'm not worried about that."

"Then what?"

"I'm worried that…” Bucky finally voiced it. “I'll hurt him."

"You won't." Clint’s answer came so quick it made Bucky smile sadly.

"He doesn't know who I am, Clint," he explained in a soft voice.

"He does,” Clint answered hotly. “You're Bucky Barnes. An unemployed young guy who happens to have lots money and is acting like himself for the first time in a while."

Bucky tried to explain his frustration and anxiety. "But-"

"No buts! You put the actor behind you a long time ago. Just go live your life. Enjoy it.” A long sigh escaped Clint. “God knows you deserve it."

Bucky huffed out a laugh. He sat down on the edge of his bed. "Thanks Clint."

“Stop making me get all serious. You know I hate that.” Amusement was back in his voice and Bucky was glad.

“Again, thanks Clint.”

"Okay, now, make sure you use protection and tell me-"

Bucky ended the call, a laugh escaping him seconds later.

 

~~~

 

He looked in the mirror to check his look. He opted not to shave, the five o'clock look working for him, and let his hair down instead of held back in a bun. 

“Okay, I feel good about this…I think,” he said to no one.

He wished Clint were here. He used to give him the thumbs up or down when it came to him having a style crisis.

Bucky picked up his black leather jacket and put it on over his dark blue t-shirt. Patting his jeans pockets, he made sure he had his wallet and phone there.

A knock sounded off at the door and he felt his heart stop for few seconds. Looking back at the mirror, he nodded to reassure himself.

When he opened the door, he almost lost his breath. Steve was standing there with a bouquet of flowers. They weren’t just that.

They were tulips. Multi-hued tulips.

Bucky was taken a bit by surprise. In all of his previous relationships (short-lived ones), no one had ever given him flowers. It was always the other way around. People thought that since he was rich, he should be the one getting them. 

Steve was the exception.

Apparently his shock was misinterpreted by Steve for he started apologizing. "Oh, sorry. I just thought...too much, right? I just...or are you allergic? I’m so stupid-"

"No, no. I’m not." And Bucky took them, checking their amazing colors. "It’s just…” Then he looked up, eyes sad a bit. “No one has ever given me flowers before."

Steve’s blue eyes searched his face and Bucky cast his eyes down for seconds. When he looked up, Steve had that shocked and hurt expression. "Seriously, where have you been?"

Bucky smiled gently and went back inside. "I'll just put these in-"

He gasped lightly when Steve hugged him from behind. Then he chuckled lightly when Steve started rocking him from side to side. 

"What are you doing, Rogers?"

Steve buried his face in the back of Bucky’s neck and murmured. "I promise you..."

"What's that?"

"You'll have the best date tonight."

Bucky patted him on his hands that were wrapped around him. "I'm counting on it."

Steve untangled himself and turned Bucky around, smiling like a happy puppy. "Come on. Let's go."

"Okay," Bucky said after taking a deep breath.

 

~~~

 

They walk to their destination. Steve refused to tell Bucky where they were going. They had to make weird and strange turns until they reached it. It was a small restaurant that was hidden between a coffee shot and a bakery. Bucky realized later that it was a French cuisine place.

The place looked cozy with it's soft light and 1920's setting from music to furniture to decorative art. Bucky was enchanted when he first got inside that he didn't pay attention that he was guided to their table by a proud Steve.

Steve pulled his chair for him. “You talked about how you loved Paris…I mean…This isn’t the same but close enough.”

Bucky just stared at him until he sat in front of him. “You’re kidding?”

Steve blushed as he played with the fork. “No, I asked a friend of mine and she recommended it. Now I’m gonna trust you with the menu because I’m not familiar with their food.” Then he hunched over the table, whispering, “Don’t tell the waitress.”

Bucky almost jumped over the table to kiss him. But common etiquette demanded otherwise and he just reached for Steve’s hand on the table and he held it.

“Thank you. You didn’t have to go through all of that. We could’ve gone to a burger joint and that would’ve been great too.”

Steve waved him off with his other hand. “Please. It’s nothing.”

The waitress came and Bucky decided to entertain Steve by speaking to her in fluent French. He enjoyed the enthralled look in Steve’s eyes. When she left, he just kept shaking his head at him.

“You could threaten me in that language and I’d still enjoy it.”

Bucky smiled as he sipped the glass of wine poured for him. “You’re ridiculous.”

Steve sipped from his glass too and Bucky asked him, feeling strange for the first time since all this happened between them.

“So…What could we talk about? I mean…I just mean we already know each other…” He fumbled with words and thoughts.

 _Way to go Bucky_ , he thought.

Steve leaned over, eyes glinting. “We don’t have to talk to have a good time.”

Bucky didn’t see that coming and the comical expression on his face probably tipped Steve off for he sat back, hands waving wildly in the air.

“No, no, no. God, Bucky. I didn’t mean it like that.”

His face was so red, Bucky laughed at him. “What did you mean then Steve Rogers?”

Steve covered his face. “I just meant that…” then he pulled his hands off his face. “I meant that I could sit here and just look at you. Stare at your eyes and that would be enough for me.”

The fun atmosphere dissipated and Bucky gulped at the look Steve was giving him. It was sincere, and gentle and ever so reverent that it rendered him speechless.

Then he watched as Steve slowly took a hold of his hand in both of his and brought it to his soft lips. Bucky held his breath as Steve laid a soft kiss on the back of his hand then held it against his lips. His blue eyes looked up directly at Bucky.

“Yeah,” Bucky breathed, mesmerized. “Okay.”

 

~~~

 

They ended up talking about everything and anything. Mostly, Steve talked about his classes and students. Bucky enjoyed seeing him get excited about his job. He loved those students and Bucky hoped that they appreciated what an awesome teacher he was.

He started a fundraiser for their program for God’s sake.

They spent their whole time talking, laughing and eating. The food was great and Bucky was happy that Steve got to experience it for the first time with him.

When they were the last people there, it was time to head back. Steve paid, appalled that Bucky would want to chip in.

Walking back home in the quiet night was so serene Bucky wanted to cry with joy. There was no traffic, only some faint music whenever they passed by a café or a restaurant.

“I love that people go to sleep early here,” Bucky commented as he put his hands in his pockets.

“Yeah? Not like LA, huh?” Steve put his arm around his shoulders and Bucky was glad as he felt the warmth of him. Without hesitation, he leaned on Steve, seeking his warmth.

“Please don’t remind me. It’s noisy almost all the time.”

Their building was in front of them but they weren’t in a hurry to get in.

 

~~~

 

"I had a great time tonight," Bucky said as they reached the door of his apartment. 

"Yeah?" Steve asked, skepticism filling his voice.

Bucky shook his head and stepped closer, his nose kissing Steve’s nose. "You have no idea how..." and his hands traveled to his sides. He wanted to express how this had always been his desire. To have Steve. Be able to confess or show his feelings toward the guy.

Feelings he’d never had before toward someone. Strong feelings.

"I know,” Steve whispered. “I swear, I know..."

And Steve cradled Bucky’s face, leaned and softly kissed him. His lips were so soft Bucky couldn't help but linger and nibble on the lower one. 

Steve groaned and let his hands travel from Bucky’s hair to his waist. He circled his arms around it, pulling Bucky a bit closer. 

Bucky flipped them, pushing Steve gently against the door. His metal hand reached for the keys in his back pocket and tried to unlock the door. He whined when Steve sucked on his lower lip and bit it. 

Bucky broke away and huffed a laugh. "Damn it. I can't get it open."

Steve nuzzled his neck, laughing softly.

“Urgh,” Bucky let out as he finally got the door open.

He pushed Steve inside, who was still nuzzling Bucky’s neck. Once inside, Bucky kicked the door shut with his foot and stepped back, dragging Steve with him until his back connected with the door.

His hands ran through Steve’s golden hair, sighing at his soft gentle kisses all over his neck.

“Let me see your face,” Bucky asked in a hoarse voice.

Steve looked up, kissed Bucky’s palm, his eyes tracking Bucky’s who in return couldn’t speak as he saw the raw emotions there. All he could do was run his fingers through Steve’s hair.

"Remember when you told me 'anything I want', huh Bucky? Remember?"

"Yeah?" Bucky breathed as he rested his head back on the door. He didn’t think he could handle all of this without the support.

"I want you, Bucky. The moment I..."

Then he stopped and Bucky stopped running his hand through Steve's hair as he pulled away, looking into Bucky’s eyes. Steve looked like he wasn't sure of something. Wasn't sure of what to say and Bucky was so scared of assuming but waited nonetheless. 

Steve caressed his face and his eyes searched for something. He blushed and cast his eyes down. Bucky couldn't handle those lowered long eyelashes. That faint blush...

He stilled when Steve leaned over and kissed Bucky's left eye so softly that it made Bucky’s heart ache. Steve went on to kiss the right one. He didn't know what came upon him but no one had ever done that to him.

Then he held Bucky’s head between his hands and lowered it a bit to lay a soft kiss on his forehead. 

Bucky held his breath for few seconds before realizing that he didn't know what to do with that. Those kisses were foreign to him. No one had ever thought of kissing him there. 

"Say something Bucky," Steve whispered.

Bucky gulped. Then in split seconds he couldn't help the surge of want and desire that engulfed him. So, he lifted his hands up and crushed his lips to Steve's plush ones. He found himself clinging desperately to Steve. The latter' arms held him close, leaving Bucky breathless and in need of air. 

He broke away and murmured, "Yes" between kisses. 

He pushed Steve toward the living room, heading directly to the couch. He was trying to touch Steve everywhere but couldn't and felt his heart beating so fast that he was going to faint and miss all of this.  

Bucky pushed Steve who dropped on the couch with a grunt. Bucky found himself going down on his knees, eyes on Steve. And in an unprecedented move for him, he just hugged Steve’s waist, nuzzling his lap. 

“Bucky,” Steve was breathing hard and that thrilled Bucky.

He raised his head, reached out for Steve’s pants. After freeing him from them, he didn’t wait one second. He was not going to stop what he’d been wanting to do for a while. As soon as his mouth swallowed Steve’s cock, the latter moaned so loud Bucky was proud of himself.

And he tasted divine.

Bucky hummed and wasn’t going to hide his appreciation. But it wasn’t long before he felt Steve tugging him upwards.

“No, wait. Come up here. Come ‘ere.”

Letting him go made a popping sound and Bucky didn’t have time to ask why when Steve pulled him to sit on his lap.

“Steve, what—“

Steve started unzipping Bucky’s jeans. His hands were shaking. “I wanna come with you," Steve said desperately. "I want us to come together.”

“Jesus.”

Bucky started helping him. He pulled his own jacket and t-shirt off and then got Steve rid of his tight grey Henley t-shirt. His hands skimmed the sculpted chest and he breathed, "Dear God..."

And he thought he was going to continue sitting on his lap. He was totally wrong when Steve laid back, pulling Bucky on top of him. They were both horizontal now and it felt right.

“Fuck, Steve. This is so hot.”

“Yeah?”

Bucky kissed him passionately and Steve reached down and held both of their cocks together and started moving his hand up and down, making the sweetest pull of pleasure.

Soon, Bucky moved Steve’s hand away and started moving his hips and rubbing himself on him. That was enough for him.

“Yes, faster Bucky.”

Steve’s hands reached around and grabbed Bucky’s ass, pulling him closer. It was the most delicious friction. Just grinding their pelvises together and the sound of their skins together drove Bucky wild.

It had been a while for Bucky, so he started feeling himself become undone. His hands gripped Steve’s shoulders and started kissing him with desperation. Steve reciprocated. He was there with him.

“I’m so close. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Steve gasped quickly. “I’m close too.”

One of Bucky’s hands held on to the back of the couch while the other one buried itself in Steve’s hair.

They both broke away from kissing each other when they felt the pleasure was going to consume them in seconds. It was the hottest few seconds of Bucky’s life. Sharing that heated breath with Steve and then feeling the sweetest pleasurable release exploding between them was now one of the best moments of Bucky’s life.

 

~~~

 

“Wow,” Bucky breathed. Then went back to gasping for breath and burying his face in Steve’s neck.

Steve chuckled, trying to catch his breath too. “Yeah…that was…”

Both were breathing heavily when Steve groaned.

“Fuck! I can’t believe that I have to go to work tomorrow,” he said as he turned toward Bucky’s smiling face.

“Bummer. Would’ve loved having you all to myself for two days straight.”

“Just two days, huh?” Steve asked, running his hands through the black hair.

“Well, yeah, ‘cause getting sick of your ugly mug is inevitable.”

He yelped when Steve flipped them over, and Bucky's heart skipped a beat as Steve loomed over him. “I seem to recall that you almost devoured my face few minutes ago.”

Bucky scrunched his nose disapprovingly. “Ew, you make me sound like a zombie. It was your mouth I was after.”

And he traced it with his fingers. He found himself trembling a bit. It was the intensity of his feelings toward this man. This extraordinary, yet simple man.

Steve’s hand came up and held his fingers in his hand, apparently aware of the shaking.

“Hey...”

And Bucky couldn’t speak. He felt overwhelmed. He had never felt like this about anyone and it scared him. He didn’t know what to do with that. There was also the fear of losing it.

Losing him. Either to anything or worse…to the fact that Bucky hadn’t been honest with him from the beginning.

“Hey, Bucky, I’ve got you…I’ve got you,” Steve whispered nonstop and Bucky realized that he’d been shaking. He looked up and tried to smile when he saw the gentle expression on Steve’s face.

But he couldn’t. The fear was gripping his heart.

“Bucky…what-"

“I’m scared,” he blurted out.

Steve’s eyes searched his face. “Of what?” he asked softly, his hand caressing his cheek.

Bucky gulped, one of his hands still held in Steve’s. “I’ve never…I’ve never had this.”

Steve smiled. “Had what?”

Bucky didn’t know how to explain it so he asked what he was really worried about. “What if I hurt you?”

“You’re not gonna hurt me,” Steve whispered, shaking his head in amusement.

Bucky lowered his eyes and sighed, trying not to have his heart beat right out of his chest. “But what if-“

A soft kiss graced his lips and he didn’t have the time to return it for Steve quickly pulled back. He smiled down at him. “You’re not gonna hurt me and I’m never gonna hurt you. How’s that?”

Bucky didn’t trust his voice, so he just nodded slightly.

“Come ‘ere,” Steve said as he pulled back, sitting up. He cleaned them up with the tissues on the side table. Then he zipped up Bucky's jeans and his. After that, he pulled Bucky into his lap and hugged him.

They stayed that way for few minutes before Steve started kissing him again. It started gentle and warm. Then Bucky found himself swept up in another heated make out.

Steve broke away, resting his forehead to Bucky’s. “Shit…I gotta go.”

“Yeah,” Bucky said.

Then he got up and pulled Steve up to his feet. They both put their t-shirts back on and Steve fixed Bucky’s wild hair making the latter smile.

“You gonna be okay?” Steve asked.

Bucky didn’t look his way and instead started tidying up the couch. “Yeah. I’ll be fine…You got work, and I’ll see-"

Steve turned him around and held his hands, eyes examining Bucky.

“What?” Bucky asked hesitantly. 

“I think I’ll sleep next to you tonight. How’s that?”

Bucky smiled, grateful. He let Steve pull him toward his bedroom. He felt that Steve felt his panic rising and that was him telling him he’d be there.

“You don’t have to Steve…”

“I want to. Unless you’re gonna hog all the sheets…”

Bucky chuckled and pushed him lightly, through his bedroom door. Steve stopped and took off his shoes. Bucky took off his own and Steve led him back to lie down with him.

He joined him there, feeling very much safe in those arms. Steve nuzzled the back of his neck and tightened his hands around his middle. “Is this okay?”

“You have no idea,” Bucky whispered back.

 

~~~

 

Bucky woke up around nine in the morning. He stretched and smiled as he remembered last night. The space next to him was empty and he wasn’t surprised. Steve was now probably in his second or third class.

He got up, took a shower and walked out of his room only to stand dumbfounded in the middle of the living room. There was a tray of breakfast on the coffee table. Two grilled cheese sandwiches, a glass of orange juice and...a tulip. 

He walked slowly and picked up the note.

 

_Wish I had the time to have it with you_

_I’ll see you at the studio._

_Steve_

 

Bucky folded the note back and smiled as he picked up the grilled cheese sandwich and bit into it.

He dropped his weight on the couch, smiling crazily as he put his feet up on the table. He can already feel this day was going to be a great one.

 

~~~

 

It wasn’t until near three in the afternoon that Bucky made it to the studio. He wore the same clothes he wore last time so Steve could continue painting him.

“Hello?” Bucky says loudly as he got inside.

“Here!” Steve shouted from behind a cabinet.

Bucky put the tray of coffee on the small table near the entrance and walked inside. Steve got up, strode and kissed him lightly taking Bucky by surprise. He forgot that he could do that.

“How are ya?” Steve asked, putting a wild strand of Bucky’s hair behind his ear.

“Good, now that I’m with you,” Bucky said then blushed as he realized what he’d just said.

Steve pulled him in, kissing him again. Bucky circled his arms around his neck and deepened the kiss. Few seconds later Steve pulled back, pushing Bucky away from him.

“If I,” he gasped. “If we don’t stop now, we won’t be able to finish the painting.”

Bucky winked, kissed his cheek and went ahead to sit on the window sill.

“Paint away, Steve.”

 

~~~

 

An hour into their session, Bucky asked Steve about his day. His classes and students. How they were excited about the new studio. All the while Bucky would still make up stories of people walking outside, making sure he made Steve laugh.

It was music to his ears.

As soon as he was done, Steve told him that he could go stretch for ten minutes. He got up and noticed how tight Steve's white t-shirt was. It was obscene. So, he strode toward Steve, pulling him in by the nape of his neck, surprising him with a filthy kiss.

He could feel Steve’s hands hovering around his waist. Bucky broke the kiss and whispered heatedly, “Touch me. I need your hands on me.”

“Jesus!" Steve groaned. "It’s just my hands are full of paint.”

Bucky growled and plastered himself on the guy. When he started feeling the arms circling around his waist, the door to the studio banged open causing the two to jump away from each other.

“Well, well, well. If isn’t the annoying lovers,” Sam’s booming voice disturbed the peaceful atmosphere.

“Sam?”

Sam walked inside until he stood in the middle of the studio.

“Yeah Sam…wow,” he said as he looked around. “Look what you did with the place…I dig it.”

“Yeah?” Steve beamed.

Bucky prayed that he looked decent enough. He put his hair behind his ears and Steve excused himself to go wash up his hands.

“You’re still sitting for him?” Sam asked Bucky with a grimace on his face.

Bucky laughed. “Yeah.”

Sam shuddered. “God…I don’t envy you at all.”

“It’s fun actually. I get a portrait at the end of it.”

Sam suddenly went quiet and stepped closer to Bucky, hand landing on his shoulder. Then his eyes were darting around, making sure Steve wasn’t back yet.

Bucky gulped. _What could be going through his mind?_

“So…listen Bucky,”

“Yeah?”

“We’re throwing a small, _small_ party for Steve tomorrow night.”

“Oh,” Bucky breathed in relief. “Wait, why if I may ask?”

“Well, Nat and I thought we’d throw it since he got to finish this studio of his.”

Bucky smiled. He liked the idea so much he was jealous he didn’t come up with it himself. “I think that’s great. Anything I could do to help?”

Sam laughed slightly, pressing his hand there on Bucky’s shoulder. “Nah man. All we need from you is to distract him. Keep him busy.” And he winked.

Bucky blushed to the roots of his hair, shoving Sam’s hand away. “Very funny.”

“I’m serious though. It’ll be in our place, so just try to make him stay at yours most of tomorrow. Or else Nat and Maria will kill me.”

Bucky wanted to say something when Steve jogged back. “Hey, so what did I miss?”

Sam patted Bucky’s shoulder and shrugged. “Nothing. I was just talking to Bucky…" Then looked at Bucky, searching. "Hey, I never learned your last name.”

Bucky froze and he tried to act all natural. Steve beat him to it, looking like a proud puppy. “Barnes. It’s Barnes.”

Sam nodded, eyes on Bucky. “Hm. Bucky Barnes. Such a ring to it. Cool.”

“I know, right?” Steve said, laughing as he put his arm around Bucky, pulling him closer to his side. Bucky needed that warmth. His eyes though were still fixed on Sam, trying to understand where that question came from.

A loud kiss to his temple brought him back from his worries and he turned toward Steve to smile.

“You guys make me sick. I’m outta here.” Sam waved as he left but not before turning around and saying, “Don’t forget what I said Bucky.”

The door closed behind him. Steve turned to Bucky. “What’s he talking about?”

Bucky feigned ignorance and shrugged. “Don’t know. Sam’s weird.”

Steve threw his arms in the air. “I know, right!”

 

~~~

 

Bucky called Clint that night. Steve had been so tired after their session that Bucky had insisted that he should go to sleep. After dropping him at his place, Bucky decided to call his friend.

“Hello lover boy!”

Bucky ignored him. “How can I distract Steve?”

“Excuse me?”

He paced in his bedroom. “Sam and his friends are throwing a surprise party for him tomorrow night. He asked me to distract Steve until I can get him back to his place at the right time. How can I do that?”

Clint laughed so hard and Bucky scowled. “What’s so fucking funny Barton?”

“Because you can just stare into his eyes and the guy would freeze and melt. And by the way, you didn’t fill me in on your steamy date.”

“It wasn’t steamy and could you stick to the subject?”

"You said tomorrow is the party?"

"Yeah. So could you help me out here?"

“Nope, sorry. I gotta go.”

Bucky grumbled and threw his phone on his bed. Seconds later, he threw himself on bed too.

 

~~~

 

The next day found Bucky spending another session with Steve. After the session ended, Bucky dragged Steve around town trying to distract him from going back to his apartment until Sam texted him that everything was ready.

“What’s gotten into you Bucky?” Steve asked as he laid a kiss on his cheek.

Bucky turned around, hand still holding Steve’s, and smiled brightly. “Nothing. Can’t I walk around with you?”

Steve shook his head and kissed his temple this time.

It wasn’t until they were walking through the park that Bucky’s cell phone beeped. Checking it fast, he found Sam’s permission for them to head back asap.

He took Steve’s coffee cup and threw it in a near-by trash can.

“Hey!”

Bucky turned around and gave him a long heated kiss that Steve was unprepared for. When he pulled back, Steve looked bewildered.

“My mouth is way better.”

“Yeah…” Steve breathed as he leaned again seeking Bucky’s mouth. He was met with a warm palm.

“Nope. We gotta go. You need to change.”

“Why?”

“Just…don’t ask. Let’s go.” And Bucky started running toward their place with Steve tagging along, hand gripping Bucky’s.

Running up the stairs, Bucky was breathless and so was Steve. He pushed him toward his place.

“What-Bucky, why are-“

He knocked and then the door opened and he pushed Steve inside.

“Surprise!”

He wished he saw what Steve’s face looked like. He got inside and closed the door after him.

“What the…”

Bucky realized upon closing the door that there weren't a lot of people. There was just Sam, Nat and Maria. He breathed a sigh of relief. He wanted it to be intimate and he was glad it was.

He put his hand on Steve’s lower back.

Sam spread his arms wide while the other two ladies clapped. "This is for finishing your studio. Congratulations."

Steve turned to Bucky. “You knew about this? That’s why we were roaming around the city all day?”

Bucky shrugged and scrunched up his nose when Steve held his face between his hands and squeezed. “Thank you.”

And he kissed him.

Sam broke them. “Hey! It was _our_ idea. He was just the bait.”

Bucky blushed. “Yeah, Steve. I had nothing to do with this. It was all them.”

Steve still had eyes on Bucky, hand on his hip. “Thanks guys. You really didn’t have to…”

“Jeez Steve. We're this way," Nat said as she approached him. "Bucky really did a number on you, huh?” And she winked Bucky’s way as she gave Steve a hug.

Steve turned red and hugged her back.

Then she turned toward Bucky. He waved at her. “Hey, Nat. You’re not gonna punch me are you?”

Nat just stared at him then raised her brow, a smirk almost showing on her face. “You’re okay. For now.”

“What? But I’ve been setting Clint straight.”

She put her wine glass near her lips going for a sip but paused. “That’s what you think.”

Bucky frowned. _What had Clint been doing?_

 

The small intimate party started and they had the most delicious dinner. It was Italian and cooked by Maria and Nat. Bucky noticed the basket full of muffins on the table and smiled at the memory.

Someone nudged him on the shoulder. It turned out it was Steve.

“Remember?” He whispered in Bucky’s ear.

“I was an asshole,” Bucky answered.

Steve hugged him from behind and kissed his temple. “Nah. You were misunderstood.”

There was a gagging sound and they turned to find Nat making that sound, but hiding behind Sam as he finished wiping down the dinning table.

“Nat,” Steve said as he pulled away from Bucky. “I can see it’s you.”

She moved from behind Sam and went to the kitchen, pulling her tongue out. “I’m grabbing beers.”

Maria was sitting on the sofa, Sam next to her preparing some board game, Bucky and Steve were still standing by the dinning table sharing a muffin when there was a hurried knocking on the door.

Bucky gave a questioning look toward Steve who turned to Sam. “You expecting more?”

Sam shook his head but got up anyway to open the door. Bucky stood behind Steve and sneaked his arms around him this time. His chin rested on Steve’s shoulder who was munching on the muffin.

Bucky froze when he saw Clint standing behind the door. He let go of Steve and said loudly, “Clint?”

He was wearing a suit but a ruined one since there was something white spilled on it. He got inside and Sam pointed at him.

“This is the Clint?”

“The one and only,” Clint answered, a wide smile on his face.

“Nice to finally meet the magic man.”

“Magic man?” Maria asked from her spot in the living room.

Bucky stepped next to Steve. “Clint, what the hell are you doing here?”

“Listen, this baby threw up on me on the flight-“

Bucky knew in that instant that he was hiding something. That was what it meant when he starts changing the subject.

“I don’t care about the baby, Clint-“

“But Bucky, wait until you…”

Bucky folded his arms over his chest. He narrowed his eyes at him when he paused. “What is it?”

Clint was starting at something way past Bucky. He turned and saw Nat standing there with the beers.

And if looks could kill.

Steve stood close to Bucky. “They finally meet,” he whispered.

Bucky whispered back, "This is their second meeting."

"Yeah, I know. Meant after their cute courting."

Bucky frowned. "Cute?"

It was quiet, and intense and Bucky was about to step in for his friend, maybe lessen the blow when all of a sudden the beers disappear somehow soundlessly and Nat was flying past them toward Clint.

It wasn’t normal. It was like a movie

It happened so fast but what Bucky remembered was Nat’s powerful kick almost connecting to Clint’s jaw. The latter, his clumsy friend, avoided it like he was a pro.

Suddenly, it was like witnessing two martial arts experts going at it.

Clint was blocking her punches and kicks so fast Bucky got dizzy with it. Steve and Sam were trying to intervene but couldn’t.

And Bucky was hypnotized. Since when did Clint know how to…fight?

It wasn’t until Nat jumped and wrapped her black clad thighs around Clint that she took him down.

“Nat, Jesus Christ!” Steve ran and tried to pull her away when Clint flipped around, releasing himself from her grip in a miraculous maneuver.

She, on the other hand, flipped backwards twice before landing in a pose that reminded him of those ninjas in movies.

It was so quiet now that you could hear a pin dropped. Bucky looked between the two and pulled Steve out of the way.

Maria had her hand over her mouth in shock and was standing behind Sam who was glaring at both.

Bucky noticed how Nat didn’t move from her position and was glaring Clint’s way. His friend straightened up, loosening his tie and throwing away his jacket.

There was a smirk on his damned face.

Bucky was about to grill him when Clint spoke, eyes on Nat.

“So it's you."

"I'm surprised you were smart enough to find out," Nat drawled in her raspy voice.

Clint nodded. "Good to finally meet you...Widow.”

_What the…_

All of them turned to look at her and she smiled devilishly as she stood up.

“You too...Hawkeye.”

_Wait, what?_

Bucky heard that name before. That was the nickname Stark used for Clint.

He stepped between them with his finger pointing at Clint. Bucky was seething. “Okay, what the _fuck_ is going on?”

 

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to break this chapter into half. As you can see...this one turned out to be so long.
> 
> This particular chapter was outlined way before I started writing this fic. Hope you enjoy it. Oh and I took liberties when it came to...governmental stuff.
> 
> All mistakes are mine.

 

 

 

“Clint?” Bucky asked impatiently.

His friend wasn’t looking his way at all. So Bucky stepped closer and stood right in front of him. Right in his face.

Only then did Clint seem to have snapped back to reality for his face suddenly turned horrified. “Bucky!”

“Yeah.” Bucky nodded. “What the fuck was that? What’s going on?”

Putting his hands up, Clint answered, “Listen Bucky, I can explain-“

“You’re damn right you will,” Bucky said between gritted teeth.

Without caring about their audience, Bucky gripped Clint’s arm with his metal one so he won’t have a chance of escaping it, and dragged him outside, heading to his place.

He didn’t even bother with closing his apartment’s door. He dragged Clint all the way to the middle of his living room. When he released him, he stepped back and didn’t know what to do with himself.

He folded his arms over his chest and tried his best not to just jump and strangle Clint. Seconds later, he felt Steve come into his place.

“Bucky,” Steve started.

Bucky didn’t bother to turn toward Steve. He just shook his head.

“No. He has to confess. Now.”

Clint looked between them and then sat on the arm of the couch. His hands were in his lap. He looked up and Bucky saw pleading there. In his eyes.

It scared Bucky.

What on earth was really going on? It was probably more serious than he initially thought.

“I just want you to know,” Clint started somberly. “This was all before we reconnected.”

Bucky frowned. He put one hand up. “Tell me it wasn’t when we were in school.”

Clint shook his head and sighed in despair. That was a foreign look for Clint. Bucky’s heart fell out of fear.

Clearing his throat, Clint started, “Before I graduated…when you already did and moved to LA, I was recruited.”

“Recruited?” Bucky frowned.

“Yes.” Clint started picking at his cuticles. “By the government.”

Tilting his head aside, Bucky replayed the words in his mind. He looked at Steve and then back at Clint.

“I’ll humor you, Clint. Why on earth would they pick you?”

“Bucky…” Steve pleaded, hand resting on Bucky’s lower back.

“No, Steve. I wanna know,” he said in a hard voice.

Clint looked up. “Remember my archery class and how-“

“You’re saying they wanted an archer?” Bucky asked incredulously.

“No, just…” Clint looked frustrated and it was a first. “Let me explain for a second, okay?”

Bucky felt Steve’s hand rub his back and bring the bar stool from the counter asking Bucky to sit. He did and Steve joined him on the other one.

“They thought I had… Skills,” Clint said in a distant voice. “Long story short, I became a sniper and joined a Special Forces extraction team…an elite one.”

Bucky ran his hands over his face. His mind was running a mile a second. He couldn’t comprehend what he was hearing.

“That’s how I got the name Hawkeye,” Clint admitted, eyes firmly on Bucky.

The name rang a bell with Bucky. He snapped his head up as his mouth gaped open in remembrance. “Stark. That’s what he called you. How did he know?”

Sighing, Clint continued, “Years ago, remember when it was in the news? Tony Stark kidnapped while selling Stark weaponry?”

“I remember that,” Steve interrupted softly.

Bucky looked at him then at Clint. His friend nodded, confirming Bucky’s hunch. His hunch told him a while ago that there must be some history between the two.

“I was the one who got him outta there. Well, part of a team but I was the only one who survived. Tony was with me.”

It was quiet for a second before Bucky shook his head in disbelief. He never thought in his life that Clint-Clumsy Clint-was the kind of man who would fight terrorists.

“That’s why he said he owed you. My arm…this arm…”

“Bucky,” Clint pleaded. “I saved his life. He was grateful and kept trying to persuade me to work for him and shower me with money but I refused. Then when your accident happened, I thought it was the only time when I can take his offer. I called him and asked him to help you. That was my reward.”

Bucky looked at him and then cast his eyes down in slight embarrassment. He felt Steve’s hand that was rubbing his back was now around his shoulders.

“I need you to answer the next question very carefully, Clint,” Bucky said in a more somber tone.

“Okay.”

“Are you still working…” Bucky waves his hand around vaguely. “Like that?”

“No. I quit way before we reconnected. Remember when I came to you asking for a job? I’d been unemployed for so long. I wanted anything.”

Bucky looked away, lost in memories. “That explains your freaky competence.”

“To be honest, I still take advantage of some of my old colleagues,” Clint admitted, smirking.

When Bucky widened his eyes at him, Clint cleared his throat. “In simple stuff…like,” and he pointed at Steve. “Booking him a flight that day.”

“That was you?” Steve asked, shocked.

“Uh huh.”

“And how does Steve’s friend calculate into this?” Bucky asked irritated, not knowing how to feel about all of this.

“Please don’t tell me she was one of your targets?” Steve whispered, scared.

Clint chuckled, wringing his hands together, and Bucky for the first time realized that those hands had probably killed people.

His heart thudded in his chest.

“She was called the Widow. She was a Russian agent before she went rogue. She turned on her government and asked for asylum in the States. And because of her help in some… cases, our government granted her that.”

“Jesus,” Steve muttered and slumped next to Bucky. Steve’s reaction tipped Bucky off that he was in the same boat as Bucky.

They didn’t really know their friends.

Clint scratched his head then let out a long sigh. “But then of course some people from her homeland wanted her dead. We…our department offered protection but she refused. She didn’t trust anyone. I…didn’t blame her. Still don’t. What she’d been through…”

Bucky and Steve didn’t say anything, hanging on every word.

Clint ran his hand through his hair. “I was interested in her case. Followed it. No one knew. I was acting on my own. I studied everything about her techniques and methods-“

“Hold up. So you knew what she looked like? And you pretended you didn’t know-“

“No one knew what she really looked like. Never left a trace. Even some of the documents I illegally _borrowed_ didn’t have a photo of her. I just found some grainy footage.”

“What happened after?”

Clint sighed. “Then one night, I knew she was being targeted. Followed her but she thought I was one of them, so she attacked. I fought back and then…to make a long story short, I took a bullet for her during the scuffle. She killed the bastard and left me bleeding there. It was an empty diner in the middle of the night. I thought I was alone until she came back. All I remember was long red hair and green eyes. I was delirious by the time she unmasked. I couldn’t remember…” Clint had a faraway painful look. He caught himself and continued, “She fixed me up and called the ambulance.”

Then Clint chuckled and Bucky frowned.

“During my scuffle with the hitman, the jukebox went off. There was a song playing and I wasn’t sure if it was the jukebox or my hallucinations, but Santana’s Smooth was playing.”

“Oh my God,” Steve muttered, realization dawned on him. “That’s why you made sure I filmed you singing it and send it to her.”

“Remember the day I saw her, Bucky? Outside in the hall? I wasn’t sure if it was her but that’s why I froze after she left. I felt like she knew me. It was seconds later that I realized that I may have finally found her.”

“God…” Steve breathed. “How did we miss this? We’ve been friends for years.”

“Join the club,” Bucky said, eyes cold staring at Clint.

Clint rubbed his face with his hands and Bucky sat up straight. “So now that you’ve found her, what? You’re gonna turn her in or-“

He snickered. “No, of course not. It’s just I’ve wanted to find her for years. Even while I was working for you Bucky, I kept searching and looking.”

“But why? I still don’t get-“

“I love her.”

Bucky and Steve both froze. Clint said it so easily and breezily that Bucky started thinking that there might be something seriously wrong with his friend.

Rubbing his forehead, Bucky asked, “How the _hell_ are you in love with her?”

“Bucky, come on,” Steve said, looking at him in shock.

“What, Steve? I’m just asking the right questions here.“

“I just did. After she saved me, I couldn’t stop thinking about her. Maybe even before that.”

Bucky groaned then let out a mirthless laugh. “Oh my God. You expect us to believe that?”

“I do,” Steve said, again, still giving the reprimanding look at Bucky.

“Oh? And what about her, huh?”

Clint stood up, upset. “Bucky! Just shut up for a second!”

It got quiet before Clint sighed and looked at Steve. “Could you leave us for a minute?”

Steve nodded and Bucky honestly didn’t want him to leave. “I’ll go check on her…Sam is talking to her. Hope she talks to me…that is if she doesn’t wring my neck.” He ran his hand over the back of Bucky’s neck.

Bucky gulped, nodded as he looked up at him. He smiled back and watched him leave. After few seconds, he turned to Clint.

“Why don’t you want him here? What’s left to say?”

“Don’t be an asshole, Bucky. I just wanted to speak freely.” Clint got up and walked toward him. Halfway there he stopped.

He put his hands up. “I know you’re mad at me-“

“You bet your sorry ass I am. How could you-“

“It’s in the past. Way, way before we met again, dumbass!”

“Still…we’ve been in each other’s lives for years now. You didn’t even…Goddamn it, Clint.” Bucky shook his head in disappointment.

“Tell me Bucky.” Clint came to stand right in front of him. “What difference would it have made if I’d told you?”

Bucky threw his arms up in the air. “It would’ve made all the difference!”

Clint folded his arms over his chest, eyes locked with Bucky’s. “What? Like what exactly? You wouldn’t hire me?”

Bucky didn’t know what he was feeling or how to express himself with his friend firing those questions right at him and at close proximity.

“I’m still Clint Barton. Clumsy Clint like you used to call me back in college. Haven’t changed. And won’t.”

Bucky stared right at him and softly muttered, “Yeah and you killed people.”

“I killed bad guys.”

It was tensely quiet before Clint’s shoulders sagged and rubbed his face with both hands in resignation. “I’m just saying that…you shouldn’t judge me by my past or let it affect our relationship. I know. I know that you’re mad at me right now but my past shouldn’t bother you.”

“Then why hide it in the first place? Wasn’t I trustworthy enough for you?”

“Because I wanna fuckin’ forget about it!” Clint yelled back and Bucky moved back a bit. He’d never seen his friend this angry.

Both of them sighed at the same time and then after a brief eye-contact, Clint cleared his throat and straightened his shirt and cuffs.

“I gotta go. I’ll stop by tomorrow,” Clint said, in a casual tone. As if he didn’t drop a bomb on Bucky.

But he didn’t move. Neither did Bucky.

Clint pursed his lips and ran his hands through his hair. “I’m gonna say something that I really didn’t want to say. And I’m not doing it maliciously.”

Bucky gulped and prepared for the worst.

“I want you to take a second and think of how it would feel to be in my shoes.”

Bucky let out a snicker. “I’d never hide anything from you.”

“I’m talking if Steve finds out about you.”

And it was like Bucky was hit with a bucket of cold water. His heart slowed down and probably stopped. His breath left him and his limbs practically lost all functions.

Clint had a remorseful look on his face. “See what I mean?”

He didn’t wait for Bucky’s response and just walked out of the apartment, closing the door slowly behind him.

Bucky felt himself trembling with rage but mostly fear. Tears were threatening to fall and it caught him by surprise.

He sat there in the semi dark place as he contemplated what just happened. What started as a good, happy day turned into a disaster and a nightmare.

“Hey,” Steve muttered softly when he entered the place.

Bucky didn’t look up and was still trying to wrap his head around what Clint had said when he felt a soft touch to his chin.

Steve lifted his chin up and looked at him with gentle eyes. “Hey.”

Bucky just exhaled loudly and painfully and then rested his head against Steve’s solid chest. Steve’s hands came up, one on the nape of his neck and the other running through his hair. Bucky felt a soft kiss on his head and Steve just left his face there.

“You okay?” Steve asked softly.

“I don’t know.”

He lifted his head and looked at Steve. “I’m just…tired. Tired of it all.”

And he didn’t mean his relationship with Clint.

Steve nodded and then pulled him up.

“What?” Bucky asked brokenly.

“It’s late and you need sleep.”

“Sleep is the last thing I’m thinking of right now.”

“Sleep it off and leave the thinking for tomorrow.”

“Steve, I can’t just-“

“There’s always another day.”

When he was up and dragging his legs, a loud thump sounded off. It came from outside. In the hall.

He and Steve both stopped midway. Steve raised his brow in confusion.

Heading to Bucky's door, he opened it and froze. Bucky walked right into his back.

“Oomph! Steve, why did you-“

He moved Steve aside to look and he understood because he froze too.

“Is this…are you seeing what I’m seeing?” he asked, bewildered.

“Uh huh.”

Outside, next to Steve’s apartment door, Clint had Nat up against the wall; her legs around his waist and his hands were under her thighs. His mouth was basically devouring hers and her arms were circled around his neck. Her fingers were gripping his short blond hair.

When they started rutting against the wall and moan, Bucky dragged Steve back inside and locked the door behind them. To say he was confused was an understatement.

“I need to text Sam,” Steve huffed as he pulled his phone out.

“Why?”

“He needs to get them outta the hallway before the neighbors hear them.”

Bucky was about to argue when they heard a loud moan. Seconds later, Sam’s voice was heard loud and reprimanding. Bucky sighed as he dropped his weight on the couch. Steve ran his hand through his hair and dropped next to him.

“What the _fuck_ just happened?” Bucky almost whispered.

Steve chuckled and rested his head on his shoulder. Bucky let out a long and loud sigh. His brain still couldn’t comprehend all of the prior revelations.

“Hey,” Steve said softly, right close to his ear.

“Hmm?”

When he turned, Steve had his chin rested over Bucky’s shoulder. “Don’t overthink.”

Bucky frowned and looked ahead. “I can’t believe him. How do you want me to not go ballistic when Clint turns out to be a different person.”

“He’s still the same.”

“You saw what happened, right?” Bucky turned, elbows resting on his thighs as he glanced back at Steve’s calm face. “I used to call him Clumsy Clint. The guy I saw tonight was a fuckin’ ninja or something.”

When Steve didn’t say anything, Bucky covered his own head with his hands. Steve’s hand rubbed his back and then Bucky muttered, “Ever thought that you knew someone so well and you turn out to be totally wrong?”

Steve crowded his space, and tried to nuzzle his neck. “He’s still the same. He’s your friend.”

Bucky shook him off his shoulder gently and huffed as he sat back. “You don’t understand.”

“What? It was in his past. Something that he obviously doesn’t want to revisit and that’s why he kept it from you.”

Bucky gnawed on his lower lip and then felt Steve’s hand squeeze his.

This was his chance. This was the window where he’d test the waters. He cleared his throat as he rubbed his other palm on his thigh.

“What if…what if you found out Sam wasn’t who he says he is?”

“Bucky-“

“No, I’m serious.” He turned to him, looking at him seriously and waiting. “What if he turned out to be a spy or a hitman?”

"You mean just like what happened with Nat?"

"No," Bucky stressed. "Sam."

Sam was way closer to Steve than any of his other friends.

Steve sighed and then looked warmly at him. “First of all, Clint was never the bad guy. He wasn’t a killer for God’s sake. He was working for the good guys. Then he left.”

“You didn’t answer my question.”

“I’m going to,” Steve replied, smiling. “If Sam turned out to be someone else, I’d be shocked but I’d…listen to him. Understand. Try to if I couldn’t. But at the end of the day, he’s my friend. I’ve lived with him for years. We’ve been friends forever. There’s no way I wouldn’t know his heart. Just like how you and Clint know each other.”

“Apparently not.”

“Now if Sam was a murderer…First thing I’d do is tell Maria to run the other way. Fast!”

Bucky, against his will, let out a laugh. Shaking his head, he leaned toward Steve who welcomed him with a warm side hug. Steve hummed as he laid a soft kiss on his temple.

Bucky was still thinking about Steve’s answer and then muttered, “So you’ll forgive him?”

“Of course. He got me that plane ticket.”

Bucky elbowed him slightly. “No, I meant Sam.”

“Yeah. I will.”

Bucky sighed as he nodded. Maybe he didn’t have to worry about Steve’s reaction to his identity. His past life.

“Come on.” Steve stood up, and started pulling Bucky off the couch.

“Where?”

“Sleep.”

Bucky groaned. “Ugh. I can’t. I’m telling you. And I’m still traumatized by what I just saw outside.”

Steve winked as he walked backwards to the bedroom. Bucky had no strength or power but to follow as his hands were held in Steve’s.

“How about we agree that they deserve each other.” Steve wiggled his brows.

Bucky made a disgusted face and shivered a bit which made Steve chuckle a bit. “Weirdest connection ever!”

“You’re not romantic, are ya?” Steve asked as he took off his own shoes and pushed Bucky to do the same.

“I’m not a creep, okay? Those two are like…” and Bucky stood there trying really hard to understand what the fuck was Clint and Nat’s...'love'.

Steve laughed and beckoned him to lie down. And he did. “Be happy for them. Least we could do. I personally gotta talk to her. Gotta know how the hell did he win her over.”

“Exactly! She almost killed me few months ago just because I was his friend.”

Steve snuggled against his back and circled his arms around Bucky’s waist. With his face tucked behind Bucky’s neck, he muttered, “Don’t worry. I’ll always protect you.”

That made Bucky smile. He hugged Steve’s arms that were around him. “Yeah?”

“To the end of the line.”

And the way he said it made Bucky’s heart stop for a second. There was something about that promise. An admission.

He thought at that moment that Steve was just aware of it too.

They couldn’t go back now.

 

**~~~**

 

Bucky woke up to someone banging on his apartment’s door. He grumbled and turned only to find the bed empty. Grabbing his phone, he found out it was almost six in the morning.

Strangely, he slept soundly all night.

“Ugh!”

As soon as he sat up, his eyes caught the breakfast tray laid out for him. He smiled widely and muttered, “This guy…”

The banging on the door came back and he frowned when he heard that it was Clint.

“Bucky, open up. I know you’re in there.”

The smile that was on his face turned into a frown. He was considering leaving him there and not make any sound until he left. But looking at the carefully made breakfast reminded him of Steve. Of how he talked about friendship.

“Fuck,” he muttered. “Coming, you asshole!!”

Bucky grabbed the piece of toast and munched on it on his way to get the door. He was met with a very freshly looking Clint. Not like the one yesterday relaying his past.

“Finally!” Clint announced as he brushed past him.

Bucky swallowed the piece of bread and closed the door. When he turned around, he couldn’t help but say, “You could’ve used those secret skills to get in.”

He knew it was a low blow but he couldn’t hide the snide, the hurt and the itch in his skin to fight back. Fight back against accepting this.

Clint smirked and shook his head at him. “I know what you’re doing. It’s not gonna work. Never gonna work.”

Bucky sighed and walked to sit on the couch and put his legs up the coffee table, continuing to munch on that toast. He wanted to seem nonchalant and uncaring of his friend.

Out of the corner of his eye he watched as Clint went to the kitchen and brewed coffee like yesterday didn’t happen. Bucky huffed and finished his toast. He brushed the crumbs and folded his arms over his chest. Waiting. He thought he was punishing Clint but now he was beginning to think it was the opposite.

Then the smell of coffee filled the place and suddenly Clint was in front of him, sitting on the table, hand landing on Bucky’s legs.

“Hey, so I think I’ll be staying here for a while. Cleveland, I mean,” Clint said as he sipped annoyingly and loudly, eyes searching Bucky’s.

Bucky couldn’t believe him and then he noticed Clint’s neck. He grimaced and kicked Clint’s hand, freeing his legs. “For God’s sake! You could’ve at least covered them up. Jesus!”

“What? These?” Clint touched the hickeys on his neck and collarbone. “I will wear them proudly.”

If looks could kill, Clint would’ve been dead in that second. Bucky looked away. Clint rolled his eyes. “As if you don’t have your body covered in them. Steve looks the kind.”

Bucky blushed and then kicked Clint in the groin. His friend doubled in pain, groaning loudly.

Then Clint’s jaw dropped. “You’re kidding.”

“What?” Bucky tried avoiding his eyes but then gave up and stared at him. “Clint?”

“You still haven’t fucked?”

Bucky kicked him again. “Don’t talk like that when it comes to Steve.”

Clint groaned for the second time that day. “Okay but really? I thought you’d go at it like bunnies.”

Bucky shrugged and looked away, folded his arms over his chest.

“Oh my God…” Clint whispered and there was this realization in his face.

Bucky raised his voice. “What?”

“You’re in love with him.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. We just got together. We’re dating.” Bucky ran his hand through his hair twice before looking back at Clint. He frowned at the stupid look he was giving him.

“I never thought I’d see the day,” Clint commented, smirking.

“Shut the fuck up. And what’s with you and –I don’t like you like this.”

Because he didn’t know what to do, he strode to the kitchen to brew new coffee.

“Like what, Bucky?”

He turned around, hand holding a spoon full of grounded coffee. “Like this!”

“You mean in loooove,” Clint sang as he dropped himself on the stool.

Bucky rolled his eyes and set up the coffee maker. When he turned it on, and the coffee started bubbling, he turned around to find Clint wiggling his brows at him.

“You and that Nat of yours are sick. Weird and psychotic.”

“Whoa. At least we’re not afraid.”

And that made Bucky pause a bit and give up on his comeback. He looked down at his coffee coated fingers. He gnawed on his lips and thought that he was right. He was afraid. But it wasn’t the same.

“You’re right.” Bucky nodded, eyes still down and hard. “I’m a coward.”

“Bucky, that’s not what I-“

“I’m gonna tell him. Very soon. I just gotta. I can’t…it’s like…I can’t…” and Bucky started hyperventilating, feeling his chest constrict and the air not entering his lungs. It wasn’t enough.

His hands gripped the counter but then he felt them being held. Strongly. He turned and saw Clint.

_Yes, Clint. My friend._

“Bucky. Breathe, okay? You’re having an anxiety attack—“

“I’m not,” Bucky stressed through clinched teeth. His breathing got faster but he held on. He could control it. It was never to happen again. He was past this.

“You sure?” Clint got up and walked from around the counter until he rubbed Bucky’s back. “Hey, I’m here.”

Bucky moved away and let out a deep breath. He inhaled and exhaled twice before turning back to this coffee.

“Nope!” Clint got the coffee from his hand. He felt his legs go wobbly as he sat on the cold floor of the kitchen. Clint was right in his face. He felt hands around his face.

“Come on. Bucky. Repeat after me, yeah?”

He nodded and it was starting to clear up a bit but still. His mind wasn’t inside his head. His lungs were betraying him.

“I’m okay. I’m fine. I’m at home and Clint is with me.”

Bucky nodded and luckily this time his tongue didn’t fail him. His friend. Clint would make it all go away. He just needed to repeat.

“I…M-m-m Okay. I…”

“Yes. Good. I’m fine.”

“I’m fine. I’m at home,” Bucky repeated and closed his eyes but opened them quickly when Clint instructed him to.

“Eye-contact, remember? Go on.”

They spent five minutes repeating and it was only then after around ten minutes that he started being aware of his surroundings. The counter next to him. The cold floor. Clint’s expensive pants, socks and shoes. Florsheim? He always liked them.

And then the comforting face of Clint.

“There we go. You’re here.”

“Yeah.” Bucky moved Clint’s hands from around his face, feeling embarrassed like every time. Like in the past.

He looked away, and then rested his back on the marble base of the counter. He sat Indian style and breathed heavily. Inhale and exhale three times before he felt Clint sitting across from him. His hand holding on to his knee.

“You okay?”

Bucky nodded.

“No. I need to hear ya, Buck.”

“Yes, I am,” he snapped. Then he sighed and ran his hands over his face. “I’m sorry. Yes. I’m okay. Thanks.”

They stayed silent for five more minutes before Clint squeezed his knee. “Want me…want me to call Steve?”

Bucky’s eyes widened in horror and shook his head quickly. “No, no.”

“Okay. Okay. Just thought you’d want him around.”

“And say what? I panicked because I wanted to tell you…tell you…”

“Alright. We don’t have to talk about this. Not now. Not ever if you’d listen to me.”

Bucky covered his faced with one hand and the other held on to Clint’s. His friend patted his hand and then got up. Bucky could hear him. “I’m making you a decaffeinated green tea. No coffee for you in the next three days. Okay?”

Bucky nodded. And a minute later he pulled himself up and walked tiredly back to the couch. He laid down, arm under his head. When Clint put the cup in front of him and asked him to get up, Bucky did reluctantly.

“I’m gonna tell him,” Bucky admitted to the cup.

“Oh my God. We’re back to this!”

“Yes. We are. Look at what happened to us when you didn’t tell me.”

Clint threw his arms in the air. “That’s totally different.”

“How?” Bucky almost shouted back.

“Because Steve isn’t an asshole,” Clint answered before wiggling his brows, obviously trying to lighten the mood.

Bucky really wanted to kick him in the balls but his limbs were tired. “Fuck you.”

“To be honest, I was gonna tell you anyway because it was the only way I can get to Nat. But then when she saw me-“

“She almost killed you with her thighs.” Bucky shivered at the memory.

“But there’s a difference. My past is involved with government, Special Forces and shit. Yours is harmless. You’re an actor. No, let me rephrase,” he said as he put his hand up when Bucky wanted to interrupt. “Were an actor. You no longer take parts and already wanted to be unemployed for the foreseeable future.”

“I feel like what you’re saying is that my past is ridiculous and yours isn’t.” Bucky frowned at him, looking disgusted.

_Why am I still friends with this guy?_

Clint shook his head. “If I wasn’t in love with her, I’d never tell you. There’s no point. Just like there isn’t with you telling Steve.”

“I want to start all this…” and Bucky waved his hand around, still not sure of what he had with Steve, whether it had future or not. “With total honesty. Plus,” he looked up at Clint, narrowing his eyes. “Why are you so adamant that I don’t tell? You’re thinking it’s gonna backfire, huh? I knew it.”

“No. I just think that there’s no need. Why stir something when everything is smooth as sail.”

“So Steve is gonna flip out.”

“You two met like this. So keep it that way. There’s absolutely no harm in hiding that from him. Unless you wanna go back to Hollywood. Then that’s a different story.”

Bucky rubbed his forehead as he started feeling tired talking about this.

“I don’t know…but I’m leaning toward telling. And soon. I don’t know…”

Clint purses his lips. “Fine. But please think about it again. Don’t make decisions now. Just relax for today.”

And then Bucky jolted. “Oh God…Does she know?”

“Who?” Clint asked defensively.

“Your…Nat.”

“You forget I’m almost her equal.”

Bucky aggressively pointed at his face. “I’ve got this, idiot!”

Clint guffawed.

“You think a former agent of her caliber would follow gossip of a movie star.”

Bucky relaxed a bit. He made a good point.

Clint put his hand up. “Let me rephrase that…a semi-has been.”

Bucky flipped him the finger but laughed at that nonetheless.

Clint’s face turned soft. “Plus, she didn’t say anything about you. Nor hinted. Whether she figured it or not, you don’t have to worry about her blowing your cover.”

Bucky inhaled deeply. “Yeah?”

Clint nodded. “Positive.”

 

**~~~**

 

**Getting together. Tomorrow night. Peggy's.**

 

Bucky put his phone back in his pocket and got up.

"What are you doing? I'm almost done..." Steve almost whined as he wiped his forehead with the back of his hand.

Bucky smiled as a green smudge was left on his forehead. "Just got a message from Clint. Says he wants to get together. The whole gang. Tomorrow night at Peggy's."

"Oh." Steve knit his brows as he gazed at the canvas. He was still trying to finish Bucky's painting.

"Yeah," Bucky muttered before hugging Steve from behind. He buried his face in the nape of his neck. This was what he wanted to do instead. Cuddle with this big guy.

"Bucky?"

"Hmm?"

"I have a confession to make," Steve said softly.

Bucky froze but didn't let go. His hands instead tightened around Steve's middle and then he closed his eyes. "What?"

Steve put the brush away and cleaned his hands with the rag next to him. He turned around and Bucky let him. Steve put his arms over Bucky's shoulders and nudged him closer. Bucky moved closer but his eyes couldn't handle what's about to come. So, he closed them and felt Steve's forehead resting on his.

"It was my idea."

Bucky huffed a laugh. "Jesus. That's all?"

Steve frowned. "What did you think I was gonna say?"

Bucky rubbed the back of his head. “Nothin’.”

Steve put his arms over Bucky’s shoulders and pecked his cheek. “I thought it’d be nice since all our friends are here. Finally. And they’re happy.”

“What makes you think I’d like to see Clint?” Bucky asked, voice cold.

Steve’s fingers were tracing something on the nape of his neck and Bucky shivered slightly.

“Because I knew that you two met this morning and made amends,” Steve answered softly, eyes smiling.

Bucky closed his eyes and lifted his head up, groaning. “Ugh! Does he tell you everything? What the hell is wrong with him?”

“Don’t jump the gun. I called him.”

Bucky frowned. “You did?”

“Yeah.” Steve chuckled nervously. He dropped his arms and looked away, his hands wringing the colored cloth. “I was worried about ya.”

Bucky just kept staring his way, a bit dumbfounded. “You don’t have to worry about me.”

Steve stole a glance his way. “I know.” Then in a whisper he added, “I want to.”

“Huh?” Bucky wasn’t sure of what he heard.

Steve let out a soft laugh as he put the canvas away. “Come on. Let's call it a day. Go to the park. Ugh! I need a shower.”

Bucky was still stuck on the Clint thing. As he followed Steve out of the studio, he asked, “So the bastard didn’t come of his own will.”

Steve took his hand as they started walking back to their building. It took Bucky by surprise but he didn’t pull away. On the contrary, he held on to the strong hand.

“No, Bucky. He was on his way to your place when I called.”

_Clint, the fucker._

He noticed that Steve stopped and turned toward him. “I hope you two are good. Otherwise this get-together is useless.”

“And is gonna be awkward.”

“Yeah,” Steve said laughing.

Bucky resumed walking. “We will be. Forever dysfunctional, I mean.”

Steve wrapped his arm around his shoulder, giving Bucky a side hug. “He loves you, you know.”

Bucky rolled his eyes. “Just when it suits him.”

Steve kissed him on the side of his head, letting out a loud kissing sound. Bucky chuckled even though he was trying really hard to stay mad at the whole Clint debacle.

“What about you and Nat?” Bucky wondered how it went with their friendship.

“We talked.” Steve kicked a pebble, looking deep in thought. “Didn’t wanna talk to me that night but we early today.”

“You seem very calm about all of this?” Bucky was impressed.

Steve shrugged as he hugged Bucky’s hand to his chest. “I was a bit disoriented and confused but not hurt, no.”

“Why?” Bucky was hanging to every word.

“Well, I mean…we haven’t been friends for that long. Not as long as Sam and I. There were times when I thought she must be a superhuman…incidents that happened…the fact that she never told us where she lives…I knew that she hid something but thought-Sam and I-thought we’d give her time. But this morning she told me the story. Parts of it. She said she’s not ready to share the ugly parts.”

Bucky was glad that Steve’s reaction was more composed than his. That meant that _he_ had a chance…if or when he reveal his history.

“What she went through…” Steve went tense and Bucky tightened his hand in his. “I get it. I get why she didn’t say anything. She wanted to start anew I guess…”

“You’re a good friend…a good man,” Bucky muttered softly.

Steve chuckled and turned to look at Bucky. “Trust me…I’m still dealing with the fact that one of my friends was called The Widow and can kill people with her thighs.”

That made Bucky laugh.

“I just don’t show it,” Steve added.

“Too busy painting?” Bucky asked as he rubbed a bit of paint on Steve’s ring finger.

Steve smiled and looked back at him. There was that look. The look that Bucky was still confused about. It was like he wanted to say more.

“Yeah, I guess.”

As they entered the building, Bucky realized something and he widened his eyes at Steve who in return froze in his spot. “What is it, Bucky?”

“I’m gonna be in Nat’s company tomorrow night.”

Steve laughed all the way up his place. “Don’t worry. I’ll protect you.”

“You did see her strangle Clint with her thighs…and she _likes_ him!”

Steve kissed his forehead, still laughing at Bucky’s misery.

And Bucky, for the life of him, couldn’t see the humor there.

 

**~~~**

 

Both of them walked their way to Peggy’s much to the dismay of Clint and Sam. They have pretty much showed their resentment as soon as Bucky and Steve got inside the bar. They boo’ed them and made silly faces.

Bucky just turned to Steve and said in a low voice, “Please don’t tell me they clicked?”

“Two peas in a pod,” Steve said, eyes on the group as he waved with one hand and the other was resting on Bucky’s lower back.

Peggy’s was crowded but still got that homey and cozy feeling to it.

What threw him off was how Clint and Nat were sitting. He was leaning on the wall, and Nat was pretty much buried under his arm. She had her feet folded under her and her hand was on his chest, resting there. Any onlooker would think she was scared he would leave her.

Yet, there was a very certain look on her face. Protective look.

The whole scene threw Bucky off. Especially how everyone seemed to be okay after the ninja action they'd witnessed.

_Huh. There are really good-hearted people in the world._

Sam and Maria were there and as Maria hugged him in greeting, there was this moment where he caught a look on her face. A sympathetic yet nervous look. Bucky didn't know why...maybe she was still not used to him having a bionic arm.

He looked at her again, to check, but found her smiling widely at him and Steve.

Steve slid into the booth, sitting next to Maria and Bucky sat next to him.

"Finally!" Clint yelled out loud and raised his hand to motion for more drinks.

Bucky widened his eyes. "You're already drunk?"

Clint tightened his hold on Nat, squeezing her to his side. "Drunk with loooooooove."

Bucky looked at Nat and said with a flat tone, "I wish you killed him last time."

Nat just looked back at him with total nonchalance. "Just to inform everyone here…I’m the only one allowed to kill him. No one else lays a finger on this one. He’s mine.”

Without breaking eye-contact with Bucky, she smooshed Clint’s face with her hand when he tried to kiss her cheek, pushing him away.

“Darts!” Sam announced, arms in the air.

“Noooo,” Steve groaned and laid his forehead on Bucky’s shoulder.

Bucky chuckled and kissed the top of his head, keeping his face there. His hair smelled amazing. He closed his eyes and it was a warm moment until his eyes landed on Nat and Maria and Clint.

Maria looked away and jumped to follow Sam. Clint was looking at him fondly, but Nat’s look was calculating

He cleared his throat and jolted when Sam dragged him away. “Come on, cheater. You’re on my team now.”

“No! That’s not fair,” Steve shouted back, running after them.

 

**~~~**

 

Hours later, Bucky and Steve headed home. They walked home in a welcomed, warm silence.

Bucky was pulling his keys when Steve spoke.

“Can I come in for a minute?” Steve asked as he pulled Bucky closer to him.

He could feel Steve’s front connecting to his back and he suppressed the moan that threatened to escape his mouth.

“Of course, silly.“

He got the door open and walked in leaving Steve to close the door behind them. He headed to the living room. Midway through, Steve’s arm snaked around his waist and pulled him back. This time Bucky sighed out loud at the contact.

Steve kissed the back of his neck and nuzzled his face there. “I had a great time tonight,” he mumbled.

Bucky smiled and held the arms around his waist. He turned his head a little bit to the side to feel Steve’s face. “Me too. I needed tonight.”

“I feel like…” Steve paused as he tightened his arms around Bucky.

“What?” Bucky whispered as his heart thundered in his chest.

Steve turned him around and cupped his face. His blue eyes roamed his face. And Bucky gulped. He hadn’t thought they’d make the next step. He thought he’d get to confess first. He didn’t want things to proceed without saying his peace even if it was the opposite of Clint’s advice.

“I just…” Steve cast his eyes down, blushing.

Bucky smiled and ran his hand through the golden hair. Steve let out a soft sigh. His arms pulled Bucky closer and he laid a soft kiss on Bucky’s cheek. Then peppered so many of them all over his face making Bucky giggle.

“Okay, as much…as I like this…” Bucky couldn’t stop chuckling. “You’re tickling me.”

“Are you saying you’re ticklish?”

Bucky pointed at him. “I am not.”

Steve looked at him skeptically. “Hmm, somehow I don’t believe you.”

He gasped very theatrically. “I am appalled that-Ow! No! No!”

Bucky tried to wiggle his way from Steve’s sneaky hands and fingers around his sides. He ended up stumbling back and falling on the couch, Steve right on top of him.

They both ‘oomph’ed at the clash but they were laughing and giggling like kids. Bucky was still chuckling when Steve just grew quiet and started staring openly at him.

Bucky cleared his throat. “What?”

Steve gently caressed his cheek. “Tonight was…probably the best time I had in…years.”

Bucky raised his brow as he started running his hands up and down Steve’s back. “Really? Clint drunk and dancing on the pool table included?”

Steve chortled. “Sure. But it’s just…seeing all my friends there. Happy and leading good lives.”

Smiling softly, Bucky raised his head a bit and kissed him. Once, twice and then rested his head back again.

He closed his eyes and let out a content sigh when Steve started running his fingers through his hair. “Hey Bucky?”

“Hmm?”

“Open your eyes, will ya?” Steve asked teasingly as he touched his nose with his.

Bucky opened them and wished he didn’t.

Steve was giving him one of those looks. He knew that there was something to be said.

“What is it?”

Steve looked at him and then away, flushing. So, Bucky nudged him with his foot. “Come on. What?”

“I’m so happy,” he muttered smiling down at Bucky.

Bucky gulped and was about to say the same thing when Steve moved a bit and framed Bucky’s face, thumbs caressing cheekbones. “You, Bucky Barnes, make me so happy.”

And Bucky stopped breathing for seconds. _Was that possible?_

Bucky couldn’t stop the feelings surging inside of him like an erupting volcano at the thought that he might lose this.

Maybe Clint was right. Maybe there was no need to disclose anything. 

He surged up and kissed Steve hard. It was a rough, wild kiss as he roamed his hands all over Steve's head and shoulders. It seemed that Steve was taken aback by the force of it for he moaned loudly and tried to ease it a bit but Bucky wasn't having it. 

When he pulled back, he started kissing Steve’s neck, and right behind his ear where he bit enthusiastically. 

"Bucky..."

"Spend the night with me…"

"Okay, okay," Steve reassured him as he lifted his weight a bit so not to crush Bucky.

But Bucky didn't think he got it. So he pulled him back in and whispered heatedly, "Not for cuddling this time."

And that's when Steve stopped and Bucky felt scared for a second.

“Uh,” Steve’s ears had reddened. “You mean…”

Bucky sat up. “Yes, unless you’re-“

And Steve pulled him all the way up and kissed the breath out of him. Bucky couldn’t keep up and circled his arms around his neck, kissing back.

Steve’s hands came up and lifted him by his thighs and circled them around his own waist before standing up as if Bucky weighed nothing. Bucky broke the kiss and looked at Steve as he tightened his legs around him.

“Fuck, you’re strong!” Bucky breathed, eyes frantically roaming Steve’s upper body. “Fuck!”

And then he kissed Steve hard causing the blond to stagger back a bit.

They safely made their way to the bedroom.

Bucky broke away from his lips to start on the neck and it was only seconds before he felt being laid gently on the bed. He didn’t want to untangle his legs from around his waist and just continued to kiss and nibble on Steve’s neck. There was this wild need to leave a hickey. The thought of Steve walking around with a mark thrilled him and made him quicken his kissing.

Steve, however, loosened Bucky’s arms from around his neck and moved the legs around his waist. Bucky’s heart fell a bit, thinking that maybe Steve had changed his mind. Then Steve looked at him with wonder as he lifted Bucky’s hands above his head and Bucky gasped. He was pinning Bucky’s hands over his head.

In all of Bucky’s past so-called hookups and relationships, he’d take the lead. Most of the time.

He found himself tonight thrilled to let someone lead for a change. It was probably the fact that it was Steve that made this whole thing exhilarating.

When he lifted his head to steal a kiss, Steve pulled away a bit. He tried again and a third time and Steve still distanced himself a bit.

Bucky let out a frustrated breath. “What the hell? I need your lips.”

Steve smiled at him and pursed his lips as his eyes roamed Bucky’s face. It was one of those looks Bucky was still not used to. Total adoration.

Then Steve let go of Bucky’s hands and brought his own hands to frame Bucky’s face with tenderness that made Bucky gulp.

“I just…I’ve dreamed of this for a while now and…I wanna savor every second.”

Bucky wanted to ask for how long? Since when? But he just laid there, staring up at the blue eyes of Steve. Taking everything in.

His body then relaxed and let his hands roam Steve’s back lazily. Only then that Steve lowered his head and kissed his cheek and stayed there, nosing Bucky’s face. It was driving his heart wild, beating madly at the anticipation.

Steve’s lips then moved softly, peppering soft kisses across his face, avoiding the lips. Bucky bit his lower lip, waiting. That was when Steve kissed it, dragging it free of Bucky’s teeth. He nibbled on it and it drove Bucky wild. He started kicking his shoes by dragging them on the edge of the bed. He sneaked his hands lower to pull Steve’s t-shirt up and rid him of it.

He grunted and whined when Steve pushed his hands away. But soon Steve sat up, straddling Bucky. The latter couldn’t stop touching him, he was holding on to the strong thighs around his waist.

In a swift move, Steve brought his hands down to the hem of his t-shirt and pulled up, taking it off and throwing it aside. He unbuckled his belt and it joined the t-shirt. When he went to unbutton the jeans, Bucky stopped him. He licked his lips and shook his head. There was a scared look on Steve's face but Bucky smiled reassuringly.

“Let me,” he whispered in the semi-darkness.

Bucky lifted himself up, hands pressing them on the mattress to support himself as he chased Steve’s sweet lips. They kissed passionately and couldn’t stop. Bucky let out a loud moan as he felt Steve’s arm circle his waist and hug him tight as his other hand cupped the back of his head, deepening the kiss. It was deep, hot and a bit messy when both started clumsily and hurriedly taking off their clothes.

“So much,” Steve gasped between kisses. “For savoring.”

Bucky broke the kiss only to scoot back and pull Steve down, groaning as he felt their groins touching through thin fabric.

“Come on Steve,” Bucky gasped as he kept kissing and kissing before stopping and holding Steve’s face between his shaky hands. “I want you. Inside me. Now.”

“Oh God,” Steve huffed as he crushed his lips with Bucky’s.

After another messy round of kissing, Bucky took out the stuff, condoms and lube and put them in Steve’s hands. When the latter just held them in his hand, Bucky broke away. His hand reached out and framed the side of Steve’s flushed face.

“What? What is it?” He asked breathlessly. And then his heart fell. He gulped. “You…don’t wannn-“

“No, no. That’s not…” Steve smiled warmly and turned his head slightly to Bucky’s hand on his face, kissing it softly. Twice.

When he looked down at Bucky, who was lying there anxious, he asked, “Are you sure?”

Bucky bit his lower lip. This was it. The moment. _Is this a sign? Is this where I’m supposed to stop and confess?_

“Bucky,” Steve asked right under his chin.

He snapped out of it and realized that Steve had been nuzzling his neck. The gentleness and soft breath on his skin filled him with warmth and something he’d never felt before. He didn’t want to lose this. He wanted to taste it. This was real. The man above him was making him feel things he’d never felt. Things he was feeling for the first time in his life.

All of a sudden, Bucky felt very grounded. Like everything was in perfect place.

“I’m here,” he breathed.

A soft chuckle came out of Steve. “Me too.”

Bucky then smirked and snuck his hands under Steve’s boxers, cupping his ass. “I noticed.”

Steve snorted and shook his head at him distractedly before circling his right arm around Bucky’s waist, moving him up the bed easily. Manhandling him just like that.

Bucky gasped, holding on to his shoulders. “Fuck. Did I say you’re strong?”

“Yeah, you did.”

Steve quickly then removed what was left of their clothes and spent the rest of the night reveling in each other. Getting lost and tangled in heated breaths. Heated kisses. Eager bodies and hearts. Whispered words. Pleasurable and consuming releases.

And right in the throes of it all, Bucky realized that Steve might be...just might be what he'd been looking for all his life.

He might be that missing piece.

 

 

 

 


End file.
